Heart Of A Husband

Jake’s tight expression relaxed into a smile before he looked down briefly at the plate and fork on the table. “It’s your decision,” he commented. When he raised his gaze to meet hers again, all humor was gone. “Just be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt. Mae’s health is enough of a concern without having your heart broken over some child you can’t help.”

It might be easier to deal with than some other forms of heartbreak, Joanna longed to reply. But she didn’t. She simply nodded in silence and then turned to Ina. “Are we going tonight?”

“Yes,” Ina said. “Be ready by six-forty-five.”

“What do you two have planned?” Jake asked.

“Bible study,” Joanna replied. “Ina says they’re studying the book of Ephesians.”

“Ephesians,” Jake repeated as Ina quietly slipped from the room.

“Yes. They’re studying about the Lord’s love for us and our spiritual riches in Christ,” Joanna explained, then noticed how closely Jake was studying her as she spoke. “You know…about how God gave his Son so we could be forgiven for our sins.” She knew that Jake was familiar with some of what she was talking about. They’d discussed it before. Several times.

“You really believe all of that, don’t you? That people must find some sort of a personal relationship with God?” Jake’s questions were straightforward and serious, not belittling in the least.

“Absolutely.”

“There are a lot of people in the world—good people—who wouldn’t agree with you.”

“No one is saved by being a good person. It’s more than that. Salvation is a gift from God,” Joanna explained. “It’s never a matter of just doing enough good deeds, Jake. There are two completely different roads in life—the Lord’s way or the way of the world. Everyone has a time in their life when they’re standing at the crossroads and has to make a decision.” She wondered if she should invite him to join them. It was worth a try. “If you’d like, you could come with us tonight. The pastor could do a much better job of explaining these things to you than I can.”

But Jake shook his head. “Thanks, but I can’t tonight, Jo. I’m meeting Daniel Vernon at the gym to play basketball. He’s one of Andrew’s sons.”

Joanna smiled. “I remember you mentioning him before. You went to school with Daniel, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Jake answered. “Sorry about tonight. Maybe some other time?”

“Sure. Some other time,” she agreed, wondering if such a time would come. And when. “I’ll see you later.” She turned to go just as Jake stood up.

“Joanna…” he called after her.

She looked back.

“How did it feel when you stood at those crossroads?”

Joanna had to stop and really think for a moment. It had been so long ago. “I think I felt…loved. Loved by God in a way I’d never been loved by anyone else.”

“Like God Himself stood there? Waiting?” he asked.

“Yes,” she agreed quickly, surprised by his insight. “But there was no thunder or lightning. No messenger angel. Just a still, small voice inside me.” She raised a hand to her heart. “In here.”

Jake’s eyes followed the movement of her hand before returning to lock with her gaze. There was something there, some sadness, something complex Joanna couldn’t identify. Something she couldn’t help him with. Every ounce of her wanted to make right whatever was so wrong within him, but it wasn’t her wrong to right. “The Lord only wants us to love Him, Jake.”

A look of utter weariness crossed Jake’s face before he glanced up at the clock. “I’ve got to get going. We’ll have to talk another time.”

She nodded but worried about the strained tone of his voice. “I—I’ll go upstairs to sit with Aunt Mae. She seemed to be feeling better this morning.”

Jake agreed. “She’s hanging in there. I was with her earlier, and we talked quite a bit.”

About what, Joanna wondered. Spiritual matters, maybe? Not knowing what else to do, Joanna excused herself and headed toward the staircase. She’d been a Christian since she was twelve years old, many years before she moved in with her aunt. Why, after all these years, did talking about her faith seem like such a private matter? Why was it still so difficult to discuss with Jake? Maybe because she cared so much about his reaction? Because those people dearest to the heart are the ones who seem slowest to accept the truth? Hadn’t Aunt Mae warned her about that a long time ago?

After her parents’ deaths, Joanna had spent her childhood years with no connection to her past. Her adoptive parents had not allowed her access to available information. When she’d turned eighteen, she’d begun searching for any relatives she might have left from her biological family. That’s when she’d discovered she had a widowed aunt, and Aunt Mae had been delighted to meet the niece she’d prayed for over the years. The Lord had led Joanna home to the roots she’d been hoping for. An aunt with a heart full of love. That was tangible evidence to Joanna of what God could do. She wished there was some evidence she could produce for Jake to help him believe.

A gush of frigid air literally pushed Joanna and Ina inside the front door as they returned from church services that evening.

“Jake won’t be home until late,” Ina said after she’d listened to the messages on the answering machine. “He was called to the hospital because Andrew needed him.”

Joanna placed her coat along with Ina’s in the hallway closet. “But Jake was supposed to go to the gym for a while. Does Dr. Vernon usually call him for help?”

“Andrew Vernon is nearly ready to retire, and, if you ask me, he depends on Dr. Barnes too much. Things will be easier when Andrew retires and a younger doctor comes in to help out.” Ina walked toward the stairs, but not without stopping beside Joanna to give an affectionate pat on her arm. “I’ll see you in the morning, dear. I’m going to check in on Mae and the nurse, then go on to bed.”

“Okay,” Joanna said with a smile. “I’ll say good-night to Aunt Mae, too. Then I think I’ll sit down here for a while and read. See you in the morning.”

After finding Mae sleeping peacefully for the night, Joanna went back downstairs. Curling up in the large comfortable chair in the corner of the living room, she read one of Ina’s magazines until she grew sleepy. Then she switched off the light and leaned her head against the wing of the chair.

A warm hand squeezed her shoulder gently, and Joanna stirred in the chair. Her drowsy eyes opened slowly to find Jake standing beside her in the living room.

“Hi, sleepyhead,” he said quietly, but when Joanna met his gaze, she saw a gloominess there she’d not seen before. Not that she could ever recall. He looked tired, but it was much more than that. It was sorrow. Stark and real. She sat up suddenly.

“Jake, what’s wrong? Is it Aunt Mae?” she asked in a voice still raspy with sleep.

“Mae’s fine. Don’t be frightened,” he assured her and for the first time since she’d awakened, he looked away.

“But something’s wrong,” she persisted. Glancing up at the lighted grandfather clock in the corner of the room, she saw that it was nearly one o’clock in the morning. “You’ve been at the hospital? All this time?”

“Yes,” he said in the hush of the room. Only the ticking of the clock broke the silence.

Joanna moved out of the chair and onto the ottoman. She patted her hand against the cushion, still warm from the presence of her body. “Sit down. Tell me what’s happened,” she urged softly.

Jake sat down, sinking into the comfort of the overstuffed chair.

“What is it?” she whispered.

“One of Andrew’s patients died tonight. Mr. Littner. He was an elderly gentleman. I didn’t really know the man, but I’ve never seen Andrew take anything so hard.”

“Was it sudden? Unexpected?”

Jake didn’t answer immediately but ran a hand wearily over his eyes. “He’d been ill for several months so it wasn’t totally unexpected, but Andrew was surprised that it happened this soon. This quickly.” He looked at Joanna. “Mr. Littner gave up. Simply gave up. And died.”

She touched Jake’s arm, waiting for him to continue.

“He said he was ready to go…that there wasn’t anything left on this earth worth living for.”

“Didn’t he have a family?” Joanna asked.

“His wife died about a year ago, and he lost his only daughter when she was a child. He didn’t want to live, Jo. He said he was ready to go home to be with his Lord.”

“Then he’s better off now than he was here on this Earth, sickly and with no loved ones.”