Heart Of A Husband

“There’s nothing we can do to change what’s happened,” he admitted, “and there’s no way we can forget. I’m not sure either of us would really want to.”

She turned her head to meet his gaze and was surprised by the glimpse of misery she found there. “Then, why…?”

“Why can’t we be together?” Jake finished her thought for her. “We just can’t. I don’t want the kind of life you’re going to need. I can’t give you that.” He hesitated. “Find someone who will, Jo. I want you to be happy.”

“But,” Joanna began, “you make me happy. I don’t need a guarantee of what the future holds. I— I just need you.”

He’d never felt like a bigger louse in all his thirty-two years. How had he let her come to need him? She’d been a contented friend a few hours ago until he opened up possibilities and emotions between them that shouldn’t exist.

“Please, don’t need me,” he replied as gently as he could. “Believe me when I tell you it wouldn’t work. I’m truly sorry.” Jake leaned forward, pressing his mouth against her forehead in a light, but lingering kiss.

They parted that night with an awkwardness they’d not known before and successfully avoided each other for the next several days. Then one day while Joanna was working at the day care center, Jake came.

It was a damp day in late winter, but many of the teachers had brought their students outside to the playground for the afternoon. Mrs. Clark, the teacher of the class with which Joanna helped, was no exception.

“The children are being so good today,” Joanna said, glancing up from the tiny, raven-haired youngster she was pushing in a swing.

“Hmm…” Mrs. Clark was obviously not listening as she looked out past Joanna toward the fence. “I’m wondering who your young admirer is.”

“With all the people on this playground, what makes you think it’s me someone is admiring?” Joanna laughed, but curious at the comment, she looked in the direction Mrs. Clark had been staring. Her heart skipped a beat. There was a long distance between them, too much to be certain, but somehow she knew it was Jake.

“Well, was I right?” Mrs. Clark asked. “Do you know him?”

“It’s Jake,” she responded and raised a hand to protect her eyes from the sun. “Jake Barnes.”

A gracious smile warmed Mrs. Clark’s face. “The young doctor you’ve spoken of?”

“Yes,” Joanna replied. “The one who’s dating someone else.”

“Well, he’s not here looking at that someone else now, is he? Why don’t you go talk to him?”

Joanna hesitated as she surveyed the activity on the playground. “But the children—”

“The children will be fine, and I can watch them for myself for a few minutes. Now, take a break and go say hello to that young man over there before I do,” Mrs. Clark protested successfully.

Sliding one hand into the deep pocket of her colorful work smock, she began crossing the grassy area of the park. In an attempt to push the windblown strands from her face, she ran slender fingers through her ash-blond hair. She had not seen Jake for days. Not since her birthday. And whatever composure she could manage in his presence would be fragile at best. Unsure what to expect, she took a deep breath and approached him.

“Hello,” she offered, attempting to sound casual while her heart pounded so loudly in her ears, she feared she would not hear his reply.

“Hello,” he answered and nodded toward the busy playground. “I’m glad you could get away.”

“I only have a couple of minutes.” As she spoke, Joanna managed to lower her gaze from his to focus on the collar of his shirt. Hugging her arms to her stomach, she fought the chill running through her. If he were only to touch her, she knew she would feel warm again.

And Jake reached out, brushing warm fingers against her cheek. He’d witnessed many painful scenes in his life, but never one quite like this. He’d seen the hurt in her wary eyes, hurt he knew he was responsible for. But this was a personal pain, too. Self-inflicted. “We need to talk.”

Joanna squinted, holding hot tears in check. Unable to speak without emotion, she simply nodded her head in agreement.

Jake watched her lower her gaze to the grass at her feet rather than meet his eyes, and he was grateful. He wasn’t sure he could say the words if she looked him in the eyes. “I came here to tell you something before you hear it from someone else.”

Joanna glanced up. It couldn’t be good.

“I’m going away, Jo. Back home.”

“Not now.” The words escaped before Joanna could stop them.

“Yes, now,” he replied firmly. “I’m going back home to Indiana to take over my father’s private practice.”

“But, Jake…” she began. Didn’t he have any of the same mixed-up feelings for her that she had for him? How could he walk away like this? “That’s so far away.”

“I know, but it’s my home. It’s where I belong.”

A rush of tears flooded Joanna’s eyes, and she looked away, not understanding what was happening to her. She’d spent a lifetime of moving here and there throughout her childhood. Losing friends, finding new ones—it had been a way of life. But, with Jake… Why was her heart breaking now? How could one night change everything?

“Don’t cry,” Jake said quietly, his mouth tight and grim. Placing a hand under her chin, he tilted her head up gently and forced her to meet his gaze. “Don’t waste your tears or your dreams on me, Jo.”

And with those words, he’d walked out of her life.

Joanna’s bittersweet memories of days gone by brought fresh tears to the surface, but she brushed them away. She had more to worry about than the fact that Jake Barnes didn’t love her. There were other harsh realities of life to be dealt with.

Wrapping a pillow around the back of her head, she closed her eyes to whisper her prayers. She reminded the Lord of the weather forecast for tomorrow, as if He didn’t already know. Ten to twelve inches of snow. Her first day of work, and she’d rarely driven on icy roads. She definitely had more to be concerned about than a future without Jake Barnes. She had to get through tomorrow.

Chapter Four

T he door to the car flew open, and biting air crashed over Joanna.

“Are you crazy?” Jake’s voice boomed over the roar of the wind. “What are you trying to do? Kill yourself?” He gripped her forearm, pulling her from the stalled vehicle.

Joanna stepped out into a snowdrift that was deeper than the top of her boots. Snow slid down inside the lining. “I’m freezing….” She rubbed her hands together, trying to rid herself of the numbness. “Thank God, you found me.”

“Yes, do thank God because He’s the only reason I found you. I could barely see your car down in this ditch from the road.” He put his arm around her shoulders for support. “Are you all right?”

“Yes. I haven’t been out here very long.”

“It doesn’t take long to freeze to death in this kind of weather, Joanna,” he responded sharply. “We’ve got to get home.”

“But the car…” She glanced over her shoulder at the stranded vehicle.

“We’ll take care of it tomorrow. Let’s go,” he ordered.

The wind howled around her ears, and she gripped Jake’s arm tightly as they began climbing the embankment. Trudging through the snow, every step felt heavier than the one before it. The incline was only several feet high but very steep, and it loomed like a mountain before Joanna’s eyes. Gusts of frigid air whipped her face so that she could scarcely catch her breath, and she put her gloved hand over her mouth.

At the top of the embankment, Jake stepped up onto the icy road and hauled Joanna up out of the snow. She lost her footing when her boot hit the slick pavement, and she fell against him. Reaching for the side of his car, Jake braced them from the fall as another fierce arctic blast rocked them.

Jake pulled open the driver’s door, shouting over the raging wind. “Get in! Hurry up!”

Joanna crawled into the small car, over the gearshift and onto the passenger seat. Her nearly frozen limbs restricted her to slow, awkward movements. Immediately, Jake climbed in behind the steering wheel and slammed the door to cut off the bone-chilling air. The motor was still running and the warmth from the heater filled the automobile, stinging Joanna’s fingertips.

“Give me your hands,” he instructed, and she removed the soggy gloves, letting them fall onto the floorboard. Taking her hands in his, he rubbed them briskly. Jake raised them to his mouth to blow warm breath over them, and the friction gradually caused more feeling to return to Joanna’s fingers.