Rom-Com Collection

“That woman said you’re ex-military,” she murmured huskily, jerking her chin down the line at Faith. “I won’t lie. I find that very hot.” She trailed a finger along the bottom of the crossed swords of his 10th Mountain Division tattoo, making his skin crawl.

“I have to move on.” He glanced at her partner, who was doing a finger stick to check his blood sugar. “Good luck, sir.”

The sound of gunfire still made him flinch a little. Another good reason to be here. Desensitization.

After the target practice, the participants were supposed to sit down and talk in eight-minute segments, then move on. Like anyone would need eight minutes to tell. Nina, his ex-wife, had been a helicopter pilot who’d picked up his patrol during a messy skirmish, and ten seconds into their conversation, he’d already known they’d be sleeping together. Three days later, he’d been thinking marriage, kids, a little house back home.

Then again, Nina had dumped him thirteen weeks into the marriage.

Whatever. Target practice was almost over. In an hour, Levi could lock up and go home, and hopefully sleep better than he had last night, although gunfire wasn’t the best sound to have echoing in your head before bedtime. Maybe he’d bake some cookies for Sarah.

He stopped to check on a couple who actually seemed to be having fun, gave the guy a tip on aim and moved on. John Holland was in the next lane. He wasn’t shooting, though. He was being hunted, practically pinned against the wall.

“Feel them,” said the woman who’d claimed him as partner. “They’re just like the real thing. I said to myself, ‘Carla, do you want to have droopy old boobs for the rest of your life?’ This was my sixtieth birthday present to me. Implants, double D, peanut oil. Go ahead. Take a squeeze.”

“Hey, John,” Levi said. “Could you give me a hand with something?”

The man leaped at the chance. “Thank you, son,” John breathed. “God, I miss my wife.”

“Don’t give up yet.” He glanced at his chart. “Okay, yeah, this lady seemed nice.” They approached another woman who was firing with great efficiency. “I’d be gay for Ellen,” she was telling the man she was with. “She has a great ass.”

John’s face turned a shade whiter.

“Moving on,” Levi said.

“This was my daughter’s idea, and I just don’t... I think I’m going home. Do you see Faith and Colleen?”

Levi glanced down the line, where Faith was leaning against the wall in the last stall, Shirtless pouring on the charm. She saw Levi and gave him a subtle finger. “Know what?” he said. “It seems like she’s having a great time. Colleen, too. How about if I drive them back?”

John nodded. “That’d be great, Levi. Thank you.” With that, he hurtled for the door.

A little while later, the guns, ear and eye protectors stowed, the now-unarmed single people sat in the shop area of the gun range. The walls were lined with rifles, locked glass cases housing ammo and pistols. Metal chairs had been brought in, and the single people sat facing each other in a long line. It looked like visiting hours at a prison, minus the phones.

“Have you seen my dad?” Faith asked him as he walked past.

“He left,” Levi answered, not pausing. He heard her squawk and turned around. “I’m driving you and Colleen home.”

“Or I could,” Shirtless Joe offered.

Levi leaned against the wall and checked his phone. Four texts from Sarah. I have 0 friends. Can u come get me?

Feel sick was the second.

Stop being an ass, u can’t make me stay here was the third, and the fourth was simply I hate u.

Sighing, he stepped into the hallway to call her back. Got her voice mail. Honestly, why had he bought her a phone if she just used it for texting?

“Sarah, stop being such a drama queen, okay? You can come home on Columbus Day. You need to make some actual human friends.” He paused, picturing her at a party with a bong and a bag full of Ecstasy. “Or just study more. Keep up those grades. All right? I have to go.” He paused. “Bye.”

Ten seconds later, his phone buzzed. Still hate u. And ur 1 2 talk. Get a life & stop obsessing about me. U need 2 get laid.

Inappropriate, he texted back. Oh, and by the way, he’d love to stop obsessing about Sarah, but she texted or called at least ten times a day. Would it be wrong to strangle her? Probably.

Levi rubbed his eyes. The truth was, both of them needed to get a life. These past two years, with Nina leaving and Mom’s cancer...it’d been rough. And he and Sarah were closer because of it. But when your family shrinks to two, it got to be a little hard sometimes, the only shoulder for Sarah to cry on.

The door opened—Colleen. “Hey, Chief. Come on in here. Let me practice on you.”

“Sounds so dirty, O’Rourke.”

“In your dreams, Cooper.”

“In my dreams, definitely,” he said.

“Ooh, wanna talk dirty? Bet I could win.” She raised her eyebrows and grinned.

“You would,” he acknowledged. He liked Colleen, one of the few who’d never treated him differently after he’d come back. Her brother, too, and Jeremy. And Faith, now that he thought of it, though Faith had an edge to her he didn’t remember. It was better than Princess Super-Cute.

Colleen towed him back in the room and gestured to one of the empty metal chairs.

“Just sit there and look pretty,” Colleen said, taking a seat. “Let’s pretend we don’t know each other. We’re supposed to ask three questions each. I’ll go first.”

“Of course you will,” he murmured.

“What’s your favorite food?”

“Cheeseburgers made at O’Rourke’s,” he answered.

“Oh, good answer!” she said, clapping. “What’s your favorite color?”

It was such a girl question. Did he even have a favorite color? Blue? Red? “Green,” he said.

“Super. And last one, what’s your favorite position?” She gave him a leer, and Levi just smiled. “Well, points for trying,” Colleen said. “I was gonna write it in the bathroom stall at the bar. When are you gonna start dating again, Levi?”

“Three questions was all you got.”

Someone’s watch or phone beeped, and all the women got up and shifted. Colleen blew him a kiss. He nodded back. The next woman was the one who’d stroked his tattoo. Her questions were, Do you believe in love at first sight, have you ever spanked a woman and what’s your favorite color. His answers were no, no and red.

“Okay, ask me anything,” she said.

Levi sighed. “Um, what’s your name?”

“Donna. I already told you that.” She gave him a huge smile and squeezed her arms together, making her leathery cleavage swell. “Want to come back to my place and work on that spanking?”

For crying out loud. “I think it’s still my turn for questions. Uh, what’s your favorite color?”

“Pink! I’m actually wearing pink underwear. Want to see?”

“Still my turn. What are your views on the Mideast peace talks?”