My Name Is X and I Am a Cumberbitch

My Name Is X and I Am a Cumberbitch
Литагент HarperCollins

Copyright (#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)

HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2015

FIRST EDITION

© Emily Barrett 2015

Illustrations © Alexei Penfold 2015 Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015 Front cover photograph © Shutterstock.com

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Emily Barrett asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008149338

Ebook Edition © November 2015 ISBN: 9780008149345 Version: 2015-10-05

Cum·ber·bitch

Variations: Cumbercookies; Cumberologists; Cumberbabes; Cumbercollective

Someone afflicted with an appreciation of the actor Benedict Cumberbatch and his many wonders (artistic talent, chiselled cheekbones, twinkling eyes, etc.) to such an extent that any task not involving him becomes laborious

e.g. I physically cannot leave my house today because I am a Cumberbitch, and Sherlock series 1–3 is playing back-to-back on TV

A savvy and sensible person

e.g. S/he clearly knows a thing or two; s/he’s a Cumberbitch

For the poor, unsuspecting souls who’ve yet to lay eyes on the subject of this book, and are therefore unaware of what lies in store for them once they do.

Contents

Cover (#ub7ed3e46-2ab1-51aa-aa35-21eaa9df78fd)

Title page (#u1d01e0f4-593d-5034-9b8c-a025471bd607)

Copyright

Well, hello there, fellow Cumberlover

So you think you’re a Cumberbitch?

Part 1: Diagnosis (#ulink_4f85b2bb-ceb6-5de8-8ecb-f39a891de260)

The Cumberbatch Quiz (#ulink_b2fca6e0-83d6-5d1b-9872-cac4efd21672)

The Cumberbatch Quiz: Answers (#litres_trial_promo)

The Cumberscale (#litres_trial_promo)

So you’re definitely a Cumberbitch

Part 2: Cure (#litres_trial_promo)

The Five-Point Plan to Dis-Batch Your Ben-Addiction (#litres_trial_promo)

#1 Recognise the Danger Zones (#litres_trial_promo)

#2 Bite-Sized Benedict (#litres_trial_promo)

#3 Name Association (#litres_trial_promo)

#4 A Benedict by Any Other Name (#litres_trial_promo)

#5 Go to the Source (#litres_trial_promo)

So you’re done with being a Cumberbitch!

Part 3: The New You (maybe) (#litres_trial_promo)

The Cumberbitch Test (#litres_trial_promo)

Outcome (#litres_trial_promo)

Acknowledgements

Final Thought

About the publisher

Well, hello there, fellow Cumberlover (#u5c67c3a4-5c70-5faf-a6f5-4fff24228a3f)

1976 will go down in history for many a reason. It was the year Steve Jobs formed Apple Computers, Inc. It was the year someone tried to kill Bob Marley. The UK’s ‘Save Your Kisses for Me’ unsurprisingly won top gong at the Eurovision Song Contest and somewhere in Canada the Olympics happened.

But most importantly, it was the year Benedict Cumberbatch was born – on 19 July, in a rather posh part of London, to parents Timothy and Wanda (better known as Mr and Mrs Holmes in series three of Sherlock). Ever since that fateful Monday, we, the common populace, have been blessed with his award-winning films, cracking TV shows, GIFs of his funniest facial expressions and memes of his photobombing prowess. In short, his contribution to modern-day life has been wonderful …

With the sweet comes the sour.