A League of Their Own - The Book of Sporting Trivia: 100% Official

Suspicions that Lance was cheating were first aroused when he beat this guy in a race

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BEST EVER SPORTING SINGERS (#ulink_c05eb965-9e0b-5acb-a191-ed347d903c00)

Those of us unlucky enough to be around at the time of Hoddle and Waddle’s ‘Diamond Lights’ know that sports stars and music do not mix. Here’s a few other ‘notable’ efforts that have left poor fans reaching for their earplugs rather than their iTunes gift voucher.

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI

World number one tennis star Caroline Wozniacki released a heavily auto-tuned single called ‘Oxygen’ in 2012.

The stand-out moment is the lyric ‘Boy, you’re my match point’, which was presumably written by someone who’d just received one of Caroline’s 100mph serves to the head. Watching the video the song appears to be a ‘love’ story – in that zero people bought it.

We shouldn’t be too critical, though, as Caroline did do it for charity – and I’m sure they were very grateful for the 3½ euros she raised.

BUBBA WATSON

Two-time Masters winning golfer Bubba Watson has released several songs, usually alongside fellow players Rickie Fowler, Ben Crane and Hunter Mahan. However, in 2014 he released a solo Christmas single under the name ‘Bubba Claus’, imaginatively titled ‘The Single’.

The song’s not a bad effort – even if Bubba does rhyme ‘Dad’ with ‘Baghdad’ but the video does let it down somewhat. I can’t help thinking we’d all be able to guess what we were getting for Christmas if Santa’s sack had ‘PING’ written on the side and a set of woods poking out the top.

NEW ORDER AND THE 1990 ENGLAND WORLD CUP SQUAD

Often considered the best ever football song, New Order’s ‘World in Motion’ for Italia ’90 reached number one that summer.

Everybody remembers John Barnes’s rap – partly because we were shocked they didn’t choose a more obvious candidate to perform it like Peter Beardsley or Dave Beasant.

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WWF WRESTLERS

In 1992 a group of wrestlers including ‘legends’ like ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan, ‘The Undertaker’, Brett ‘Hitman’ Hart and ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage released a record entitled Wrestlemania: The Album.

With songwriting duties taken on by Pete Waterman and the executive producing credit going to Simon Cowell you won’t be surprised to hear it was a bit dross.

However, the single ‘Slam Jam’ proved a hit and stayed in the top ten for five weeks and reached number four – even if it did sound more like number two.

SNOOKER PLAYERS

Tottenham Hotspur’s regular musical collaborators Chas and Dave teamed up with a gang of snooker players under the name ‘The Matchroom Mob’ in 1986 to release ‘Snooker Loopy’.

The brilliant lyrics include ‘Now old Willy Thorne, his hair’s all gone’, which only works as a rhyme when sung in a cockney accent.

Sadly the boys haven’t returned to the studio because any follow-up would surely be more hotly anticipated than the Stone Roses with The Second Coming.

HOW TO BE A FOOTBALL SUPPORTER (#ulink_8feb1363-c13d-54a9-a9c4-12e551c988aa)

Here’s a step-by-step guide to surviving the ups and downs:

Declare your undying love for a team that actually make you unhappier than your wife leaving you or your nan dying.

Slate your team constantly – until someone else does. Then fight them.

Go to an away match and ridicule the other team’s fans because it’s not a sell-out, whilst refusing to notice that they sold out easily when Arsenal played there, so it’s your team that’s considered crap.

Get upset that the players don’t interact with the fans – and send them death threats on Twitter because of it.

Hurl abuse at a player until he transfers – then complain that your team should never have sold him.

Go bare-chested in January so your fat man-breasts look like Smurfs’ noses.

State confidently what you would’ve done in the World Cup final because you once had a game of Three and In at break-time at school.

MARIO BALOTELLI (#ulink_b6bb759c-08c3-5f58-b7c0-302969fec2c3)

BORN: 12 August 1990, Palermo, Italy

PLAYER: Lumezzane, Inter Milan, Manchester City, AC Milan, Liverpool and Italy

1) Arguably the most enigmatic player of his generation, Balotelli made his first-team début for Lumezzane at the tender age of 15 in a Serie C1 match in 2006. Inter soon came sniffing around and he made his senior bow in December 2007, scoring two goals in his next game.

2) Balotelli scored 20 goals in 59 games ahead of his first cap for Italy in a friendly against the Ivory Coast and before his multi-million pound move to Manchester City. He helped them win the FA Cup in his first season, their first trophy in 35 years, and the Premier League title the next.

3) At Euro 2012, Balotelli said he refused to celebrate goals ‘because I’m only doing my job. When a postman delivers letters, does he celebrate?’ Given most companies say they’ll deliver between 7am and Christmas, it’s us who do somersaults if parcels arrive when we’re in.

4) Balotelli’s secret lover Chloe Evans once revealed, ‘Being with him was like being in a circus. Imagine a cross between Willy Wonka, Michael Jackson and Peter Pan – and you’ve got Mario Balotelli.’ If ever a comparison was a cue to cut short a relationship that was it.

DID YOU KNOW: Mario was asked by his mum to buy an ironing board for his cleaner. He came back five hours later with a lorry containing a quad bike, Scalextric and trampoline. Yacht salesmen were rubbing their hands in glee after he was sent out to buy curry soon after.

Here he is …

… at Royal Ascot on Ladies’ Day

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BEST FOOTBALLER LEGS (#ulink_df1b59c9-bce5-5391-be67-24b6c19c3978)

When you’re poncing around on a pitch all week, there’s a good chance footballers will have an attractive set of pins to show for it. Which player has the best legs according to Gaydar?

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BORIS BECKER (#ulink_04ea3764-291a-55c0-9179-82c518b6fef8)

BORN: 22 November 1967, Leimen, West Germany

CAREER HIGHLIGHTS: Six-time Grand Slam champion and two-time Davis Cup winner

1) Boris Becker catapulted himself, quite literally, into tennis fans’ hearts by diving around the court en route to becoming the youngest ever winner of Wimbledon in 1985. Aged just 17, he also became the first German and the first unseeded champion in defeating Kevin Curren.