Five Go Glamping: An adventure in the countryside for grown ups

‘Anything to eat? I’m starving’ he said, rooting through the fridge and freezer.

‘I cooked for you yesterday,’ I said.

‘I know, I know,’ he said ‘I’m sorry, but I was sorting out a really good deal. I’m doing it for us, for our future. Five year plan, remember?’

‘And what then,’ I asked, folding my arms.

‘How do you mean?’ he said picking with his fingers at the leftover lasagne I had earmarked for Sunday lunch.

‘Yeah, well I’m not entirely sure about the plan any more,’ I said. ‘I was thinking of doing something else. Leaving work, getting a different job. Maybe going back to college.’ I’d been thinking about it all day. Steph was right, I had spent too long plotting and planning and I was missing out on stuff.

‘We’ve talked about this,’ he said ‘We’ll get our own place first and then you’ll be able to do whatever you want.’

‘But I want to leave now, I hate it there. I’ve been there too long. It’s okay for you, you’re doing what you love. What about me?’

‘Fi,’ he said. ‘You know you can’t. I thought we were saving?’

‘Well maybe I don’t want to be saving, maybe I want to be living now.’

‘Maybe I could move in here,’ he said, spooning my lasagne into his mouth without any thought about what he was doing or saying. ‘Save some money that way?’

I thought about it for a split second and then his bag by the washing machine caught my eye. Did I really want him moving in here to my one bed flat, coming back at all hours, only to never see him?

I shrugged and leant back against the counter.

‘Maybe we should have a break?’ I suggested. I wasn’t sure whether this was what I wanted but I did want to see how he reacted.

‘Like a holiday?’ he said, ‘I don’t think we could afford that.’ I couldn’t believe he was so arrogant that he hadn’t even considered I meant a break as in splitting up.

I stared at him in disbelief for a second and then considered whether to push the issue. What would he think if I told him I wanted to split up? The thought of it frightened me, it was such a massive change. Steph was right, I did hate change. Connor had appeared in my life as I was formulating my plan and I had taken it as a sign that we were meant to be. I had changed my plan to accommodate him in it, adding ‘Get married by thirty’ to it. Splitting up with him now felt like I would be giving up and it terrified me.

‘So what exactly are we’re going to do when we’ve saved up all the money, at the end of the five year plan?’

‘You know,’ he said grabbing a fork and starting on another dish. ‘We’ll buy a place, live together.’ He paused and looked at me. ‘Live the dream.’

‘What’s your dream?’ I asked.

‘Being with you,’ he said. ‘You know. Marriage, kids and stuff, all of that. We can do what we want.’

‘How romantic. Is that a proposal?’ I said.

‘If you like,’ he laughed.

‘When?’

‘When we have the savings. When the five years are up. Going to grab a shower, yeah?’ he said.

I headed off to bed feeling exhausted and was dozing off when Connor returned from the bathroom, got under the covers and went to sleep.

‘Happy bloody anniversary,’ I said to him.

*

Connor was taking up the whole of the bed in the morning and I knew he wouldn’t surface until noon so I sloped off to the living room and began the day lying on the sofa watching Country Tracks, wishing I hadn’t had that last glass of wine last night.

After Connor had gnawed the corners off all my food last night, I would have another day’s cooking ahead of me, rustling up some new creations for the week. Maybe Connor would let me use his precious car to go to Waitrose for some posh ingredients. I was still cross with him for missing our anniversary dinner and not calling, but after I’d slept on it I felt happy that at least he’d said he wanted to marry me, even if it was the most half-hearted proposal ever. At least he was trying.

The landline phone ringing startled me, but at least I knew who it was. ‘Hello, Mum.’ Who else uses the landline?

‘Have you forgotten you’re to come to dinner?’

‘No, of course I haven’t.’ I had.

‘I bet you’re not even dressed, are you? Is Connor with you? Will he be bringing you in that lovely car of his?’ I could hear the exasperation in her voice.

‘Yes, he’s here, and we’re leaving now, in fact.’ I lied again as I struggled out of my pyjamas.

‘Oh, how lovely,’ she said. ‘I’ll be delighted to see him. You’ve got a real winner there. A real winner!’ I actually thought at one point she might even applaud.

‘Yep. Really lovely, Mum. Have to go, I’ll see you in a bit.’ I hung up and ran up the stairs to Connor.

‘Wake up,’ I shouted on the way up the stairs. ‘We have to go to Mum and Dad’s.’

He stirred under the duvet, his brand new haircut had messed up during the night.

‘Come back to bed,’ he said.

‘I can’t, we have to go, come on get up.’

‘I’ve got a meeting,’ he said. ‘I’ve got to go as soon as my washing is dry. Will you stick it in the dryer for me?’

‘As soon as your washing is dry?’ I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. Just when I had decided to be a little more sympathetic about his long working hours and putting his lack of contact down to forgetfulness, he came out with this.

‘Is that all you’ve come here for, to get your washing done and somewhere to kip for the night? You absolute utter knob head.’

I dashed back down the stairs, pulled all of his still wet washing out the machine into the basket and ran back up the stairs as fast as I could. Then I tipped the big pile of wet clothes all over the bed.

‘Here’s your bloody washing!’ I said.

‘Don’t be like that Fi,’ he said, struggling to get out from underneath. ‘I didn’t mean it that way.’

‘Well how did you mean it then?’ I said. ‘What could you possibly mean other than you’re treating the place like a hotel? I don’t see you for a week and then you turn up with your shiny car, your hundred pound haircut, and your crap proposal.’

‘Come on Fiona, please?’ he said, standing up. ‘I want you to help me out a bit.’

‘And I want you to make an effort,’ I said, thinking about how if I did have four cats, they wouldn’t expect me to do their washing for them.

‘I’ll make an effort, I promise, give me a chance. It’s almost September, things will quieten down soon,’ he pleaded with me.