A Winter’s Wish Come True

I feel some tension release from my body when I hear that; one of my biggest fears has just been laid to rest. Scott runs a hand across his face and takes a deep breath. It’s only then that I notice just how tired he is. He looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and I feel a pang of sympathy for him.

‘Thanks,’ I say, wanting to break up the awkward silence. ‘I’ll definitely think about it.’

‘Have you got any idea when the twelve-week scan will be?’ Scott asks, his voice laced with exhaustion. ‘I want to make sure I don’t miss it.’

‘I’ll get you referred to the maternity unit at the hospital as soon as possible,’ she replies. ‘There’s usually what we call a booking appointment first, where you meet your midwife and have a good chat about the pregnancy. It’s definitely an experience you won’t want to miss!’

From the mildly horrified look on Scott’s face, I can tell he’d rather be eaten alive by a pack of wolves. Still, he’s here, no matter how scared he might be.

I try to ignore the butterflies releasing themselves into my stomach. It’s obviously the baby … isn’t it?

Chapter Four (#ulink_b15b1ec9-00e9-5ebc-b3eb-854e2294ab1f)

As luck would have it, we don’t have to wait long for our first appointment with a midwife. A couple of days after seeing Doctor Maxwell, Scott and I are at the hospital to meet the person who’ll be guiding us through the next six months.

‘Nervous?’ he asks, casting me a sideways glance.

I grimace. ‘A little bit, what about you?’

He swallows hard but styles it out with an easy smile. ‘Weirdly yeah, but I don’t know why! I did some reading on the internet and we’re basically just going to be chatting about things like birth plans and prenatal care.’

I stifle a giggle. ‘Well, aren’t you just a big pregnancy encyclopaedia!’

He blushes. ‘Don’t laugh at me, I wanted to be prepared! I’ve got no experience of this stuff, so I didn’t know what to expect.’

‘Well you know at the twenty-week scan, they beam me up to the mother ship and start the experiments,’ I joke.

He gives my arm a playful push. ‘Very funny! Don’t pretend you haven’t been reading up on stuff too.’

It’s my turn to blush. ‘I started looking stuff up online yesterday, but I scared myself too much. Reading articles on pre-eclampsia and placenta praevia isn’t a great idea!’

‘Reminds me of when you used that online symptom checker and it said you probably had malaria!’ He laughs. ‘I told my mum about the baby. She called me a “silly boy” when I told her we weren’t together anymore, but she’s pretty excited about the whole thing.’

I try not to make my relief too visible. Some people find my mum scary – which, sometimes, she is – but she has nothing on Scott’s mum. Although she’s been nothing but lovely to me the handful of times I’ve met her, I’m petrified of the woman. She’s also married to a very rich man, so I’m fairly sure she has the means to get rid of me if she wants.

A door to my right opens and a friendly-looking woman steps into the waiting room.

‘Cleopatra Jones?’

There’s something about the kindness in the woman’s face that doesn’t make me cringe when I hear my full name. Scott and I stand up and she turns to face us.

‘That’s me!’ I say with a wave.

‘My name’s Lisa,’ the woman replies. ‘If you’d like to follow me, we’ll go through and get started.’

We follow her to a bright, sunny consulting room and sit down opposite her at a large desk. On the far wall, there’s a bed surrounded by a curtain that I really hope I don’t need to use today.

‘Don’t look so nervous,’ Lisa says with a reassuring smile. ‘We’re just going to have a chat about your pregnancy today, and things like where you might want to have the baby.’

‘Hospital is obviously the best choice,’ Scott says almost straight away. ‘There’s access to equipment, pain relief, medical professionals if something goes wrong. It’s a no-brainer.’

I fold my arms and glare at him. This big pregnancy encyclopaedia thing could get annoying very quickly if he keeps this up.

‘Actually,’ I say, trying to keep my voice calm and even. ‘I wouldn’t mind hearing about some of the other options.’

He frowns. ‘Like what, giving birth in a box under the stairs like a cat?’

Luckily for him, Lisa decides to interject. ‘There are lots of other birthing options if you don’t want to be here in the hospital. There’s a birthing centre not too far from here that specialises in water births, for example.’

Scott scoffs, but I cut in before he can voice his objections. ‘I’d like to know more about water births. I’ve heard it’s a really relaxing way to bring the baby into the world.’

Out the corner of my eye, I can see him fold his arms and shake his head. He’s muttering under his breath, but I’m not paying any attention to him. Lisa’s grin broadens. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she’s enjoying him being so uncomfortable.

‘A lot of women find them really beneficial. The water provides good pain relief and an informal environment to give birth in. I’ve got a leaflet here if you want to look at it?’

Scott decides he can’t help himself anymore and sits forward. ‘An informal environment is all well and good, but what if something goes wrong? Say a problem develops and we need a medical team. What happens then?’

I grit my teeth. ‘We won’t need anything, Scott. I’m the one who’s going to be giving birth, so maybe I should be the one asking the questions.’

He takes note of my tone and frowns. I give him a look that suggests we’ll be having words when this appointment’s over, so he should brace himself.

‘I’ll take that leaflet on water births, thanks,’ I say with a sweet smile.

*

We leave after a huge discussion on everything baby-related and booking the sixteen and twenty-week appointments. I make Lisa aware of my struggles with bulimia and body dysmorphia and she mentions that there’s counselling available if I want it. She checks my weight and measures my BMI to put it on my file. It’s a pretty special moment to hear I’m in a healthy range for both, but I manage to hold back my tears.

Scott, meanwhile, apparently has opinions on breastfeeding (‘it’s the only choice, Cleo!’), antenatal classes (‘we should start them as soon as possible’) and pain relief options (‘the stronger the better’). He apparently didn’t learn his lesson during the water birth discussion. By the time the appointment’s finished, I could quite happily strangle him.

‘You just had to jump in at every opportunity, didn’t you?’ I shout as we head to his car. I’m so angry I almost drop my pregnancy notes in a puddle. ‘I know you’ve been doing a lot of reading Scott, but you need to rein it in! And don’t dismiss water births altogether either, I’m seriously considering one.’

‘I don’t want my baby to be born in a paddling pool with no medical help!’ he argues. ‘And I’m sorry for getting a bit overexcited, but I’m not sorry for caring about you and the baby. This is a huge deal for me, Cleo, and maybe I went overboard today but it’s only because I want to make sure everything goes smoothly. I can’t stand the thought of anything happening to either of you.’

I take a deep breath and look at him. ‘Nothing’s going to, trust me. Even if I decide to have a water birth, that doesn’t mean something’s going to go wrong. And if it does, the hospital’s really near the birthing centre; they can have me here in five minutes if they need to. I get that this is all new and exciting and a bit scary, but please try and relax. I know you’ve been doing your research, and that’s great, but just try and hold back with the outbursts for a bit, OK?’

Scott nods, digging his hands into his pockets. ‘I can do that. It was a lot to take in today, wasn’t it? I still can’t quite believe this is happening.’

‘You’re telling me,’ I reply, running my hands through my hair. ‘It still hasn’t quite sunk in yet. Listen, Scott … thanks for being here today. With everything that’s been going on with us, I was scared I’d end up going to these appointments by myself and … well, it meant a lot that you were there.’

We stop and face each other for a moment, forgetting we’re standing in the middle of the hospital car park.

‘I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,’ he says. His eyes are soft and I’m reminded of just how gorgeous they are. ‘Cleo … no matter what happens with us, you’ll never be alone in this. I promise.’

He reaches for my hand and gives it an affectionate squeeze. I feel myself melt a little as I remember how it used to be between us: the intimacy, the friendship, the trust. For a brief second, I can’t remember what drove us apart …

Until his phone goes off.

He sighs and fishes it out of his jeans pocket. I catch a glimpse of the name on the screen: Kayleigh.