Bitter Memories

Tanya swallowed hard. His questions were certainly hard-hitting, and always unexpected. ‘I wouldn’t have married him otherwise.’ She looked at him as she spoke, trying to convince him, hiding the fact that Peter had been second-best. She hadn’t admitted that at the time, but it was true. Not that she hadn’t been happy—she had, very much so; he was a wonderful man—but the excitement of a strong physical relation-ship had been missing. If she hadn’t met Alejandro she would never have known what she was capable of, what she needed, what her body needed. As it was, he had spoiled her for anyone else. She gave a tiny sigh, and Alejandro’s mouth tightened, and she guessed he thought she was sighing for Peter.

‘I thought I was seeing a ghost when I spotted you at the airport,’ he said, with another complete turn in the conversation.

‘I wasn’t too happy about seeing you either,’ she retorted.

‘I didn’t say I didn’t want to see you.’ The frown was there, grooving his brow, narrowing his eyes. ‘It had been so long, I’d given up the idea that we’d ever meet again.’

And whose fault was that? she wanted to ask. You were the one who went away without a word; you were the one who ended it all. She lifted her shoulders in a tiny careless gesture. ‘It’s a small world. Would you like a cup of coffee?’ She had to get out of the room, away from the stifling atmosphere. She had never known it would be like this.

‘No, thank you,’ he answered. I’d much prefer to sit and talk to you.’

Tanya groaned inwardly. ‘About what? What is there to say? I’m sure You’re not interested in every single little detail of my life since we parted, and neither do I want to hear about yours.’

Her bitter tone caused a further tightening of his features. ‘You’re making it pretty plain what you think about me.’

‘There’s no point in pretending.’

‘I really misjudged you, Tanya.’ He stood up suddenly, abruptly.

Good, he was going. Tanya rose too, but somehow they bumped into each other, and the next moment she was in his arms, his mouth on hers, and the years in between might never have been.

She was conscious of nothing except a rising hunger inside her, a desire that had lain buried for so many years. Nothing had changed. It was sheer insanity, she knew, but as her mouth clung to his the rights and wrongs of the situation did not seem to matter.

And she sensed in him the same voracity, felt him trembling slightly, felt the hammer beats of his heart, the urgency of his kisses. She began to soar, to forget the empty years. This was now, this was Alejandro, this was the man she…

Her thoughts tailed away. She had almost said ‘loved’, and that wasn’t right. She did not love him. She desired him, that was all. It was a fatal attraction. Knowing him had brought her nothing but unhappiness. The trouble was she could not stop these feelings that overwhelmed her.

She had never thought of herself as being highly sexed; in fact it was only this man she responded to in such a way. Even as her thoughts ran along these lines her lips parted and their tongues entwined and she felt a powerful emotion tighten the pit of her stomach. She urged her body against his and found him equally excited, and the thought struck her that if they weren’t careful they would end up making love.

It was enough to bring her to her senses, but almost as though the thought had hit him at the same time Alejandro let her go, pushing her away, and when she saw the harshness on his face she reeled back.

‘What the hell’s this all about, Tanya?’ His voice rasped into the silence of the room. ‘You declare you feel nothing for me, that you never have, and yet you kiss me like a thirsty woman who’s found water in the desert. I’d like an explanation.’

Tanya closed her eyes. What could she say? She was horrified, mortified, totally ashamed of herself. What had come over her? How could she have been so wanton?

His hands snapped over her shoulders, fingers hurting, bruising. ‘Look at me, Tanya. I want the truth.’

There was fire in his eyes, but ice also, a dangerous brilliance that sent a quiver of fear through her limbs. But she had no intention of letting him see that he intimidated her. ‘I might ask the same of you,’ she said fiercely, jerking herself free. Goodness, he was a married man; didn’t that mean anything to him?

‘I’ve always found you irresistible.’

‘So that’s what it was all those years ago?’ she snapped. ‘Sheer lust! The taking of a body that was only too willing!’

A shadow crossed his eyes, as though she had touched a raw nerve, gone in an instant, the accusation back. ‘And how about you? Are you as guilty of the same feelings that you accuse me of? Is that why you responded now, why you responded to me when I was in England?’

‘Unfortunately, yes,’ she rasped, deciding honesty was the best policy. ‘But it’s not something I’m proud of, and I certainly have no intention of letting it happen again.’

‘We might not be able to help ourselves.’

‘You speak as though we’re likely to meet again. I can assure you we will not; I shall make very certain of that.’

Again that narrowing of his eyes, an intent look that pierced right through her, a muscle jerking in his jaw. He shook his head slowly. ‘You’ve changed, Tanya.’

‘Doesn’t life change us all? It deals some bitter blows; it’s impossible to remain the same. My values have definitely changed.’

‘It’s sad to be widowed so young, certainly, but you shouldn’t let it affect you forever. Life has to go on; you have to enjoy yourself again.’ There was a sudden, surprising softness to his tone.

Tanya was glad he had misconstrued her words; no way did she want him to think that he was the one who had hurt her when he left England so suddenly and unexpectedly. ‘I intend to,’ she said, ‘But in my own way—and that does not involve you. I’m not interested in rekindling our affair.’

The telephone ringing cut short their conversation.

‘You’d better answer it,’ said Tanya. ‘I can’t cope with the language.’

In the event it turned out to be Charlene. Tanya heard Alejandro explaining who he was and what he was doing there, and then Charlene must have given him a piece of her mind, because his face was grim when he turned back to Tanya and handed her the receiver. ‘Your sister.’ And when she had finished her conversation he said tightly, ‘Is this a mutual hatred society? I was told in no uncertain terms to keep clear of you. What have you said to poison her mind against me?’

‘I didn’t have to say anything,’ replied Tanya, her chin lifting haughtily. ‘My sister is naturally very protective of me.’

His brows rose. ‘I can assure you you need no protection; You’re more than capable of looking after yourself.’

‘I agree,’ she said. ‘And as a person who is very much in charge of her life, I’d like to ask you to leave.’

‘What if I say I’d like that coffee now?’

‘I’d say you were too late; the offer’s withdrawn.’

‘In that case,’ he said with a shrug of his wide shoulders, ‘I appear to have no choice, but this won’t be the last time we meet, Tanya; I can guarantee that.’

CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_9d61b88d-52ed-59e8-9726-5972f65b6a13)

IN THE days that followed Tanya was on tenterhooks. She did not want to see Alejandro again, but she did not see how she could avoid him if he came to the house. Matilde still had not returned, staying to look after her new grandchild while her daughter-in-law recovered from her ordeal, although Charlene had said that Matilde was using this as an excuse. The truth was she loved babies.

Tanya could have gone out every single moment of every single day, but she did not want to feel pushed into doing something simply because of Alejandro. When she had first said she was coming out here Charlene had said she would try and get the whole month off, but Carlos, her under-manager, had gone off sick and no one else was capable of taking over, and so Tanya was left to her own devices. She could have hired a car, but decided it wouldn’t be very exciting driving around by herself.

It was a pity in one way that Charlene had chosen to live so far away from the beaches and the lively tourist areas. On the other hand, she saw the real Tenerife; she could wander into the village, where the pace of life was slow, watch the men talking over their drinks outside the local bar, the children playing, the dogs scavenging. Her disadvantage was the language barrier. The children could say hello and goodbye; their parents spoke no English at all.

Charlene had taken her into Playa de las Americas and Los Cristianos, and she had seen how the concrete jungle of tourism skirted the southern shore, and had experienced for herself the frenetic pace, even though people were supposed to be on holiday. At heart, Tanya was a country lover and wanted to explore the unspoilt parts of the island, but not on her own.

One night Charlene drove her to a restaurant in the mountains high on the west coast, close to Masca. Tanya had been looking forward to it all day, but when their route took them along a series of extremely narrow and tight hairpin bends winding through the mountain like goat tracks, she began to wonder whether it was a good idea. And upon arrival she was horrified to discover Alejandro’s dark red Mercedes parked outside. She wanted to turn right round and go home.

‘Not on your life,’ exclaimed Charlene. ‘Not after I’ve driven all this way. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.’

‘I don’t need your protection,’ retorted Tanya. ‘I’m twenty-seven, not seven. But this place is so out of the way; I cannot believe I’m about to bump into him again.’

‘It has a good reputation,’ informed her sister, ‘And, judging by the number of cars, it’s already busy. Perhaps with a bit of luck he won’t even see us.’

But luck wasn’t with them. The second they walked out on to the purple and red bougainvillaea-covered terrace perched on the mountainside Tanya saw Alejandro. Her heartbeats quickened, her throat tightened, and she looked across at his companion, giving a start of surprise when she discovered that it was not his wife.

The woman had black hair, the same, but it was short and thick and cut on a level with her chin. She wore a white low-cut dress and a chunky green necklace and was beautiful in a different sort of way to Juanita. She had eyes only for her companion, her hand touching his arm across the table in a proprietorial, familiar gesture.