Dancing To Happiness

He smiles at me and placing two fingers under my chin he forces me to look into his eyes: <<Evidently it’s a sign of fate that we should meet.>>

<<Maybe...>> I answer intimidated by him, his eyes and the circumstance.

<<Nothing gets past you! In part you guessed it. I have Irish origins by my mother.>> he tells me proudly.

<<Your features, and the colour of your eyes and your hair suggested me it. You’re the classic beauty of northern Europe.>> I confess becoming red-faced. Good thing that I stopped drinking beers. I dare not imagine what I could say... For example that if I wasn’t engaged I would jump on him. And now? Where do these sinful thoughts come from?

We head for the car, we get in it and I put my hands on the steering wheel, pretending to be careful to what I’m doing. I don’t want him to notice my face still flushed because of my confession of a few minutes earlier.

Matthias is lost in thought and I don’t want to open my mouth to prevent other howlers. The silence is almost comfortable.

Finally we arrived at home. We climb the stairs staying always in silence and we find ourselves before the hallway where there are our bedrooms.

Breaking the silence I whisper to him: <<Good night, Matthias and thank you again for the lovely evening.>>

He looks at me and gets closer to give me a kiss on the cheek. <<Good night, Isabel.>>

We come in our respective rooms and despite the strong emotions felt during the day just passed I fall asleep as soon as I lean my head on the pillow.

III

The doorbell rings: it’s Max who has kept his promise. He has come to get me to have breakfast together and to take me to the university. I quickly walk down the stairs ready to face a new day and my unreliable boyfriend.

He is wearing jeans, a white t-shirt and dark blue jacket. I feel like we’ve been apart for a lifetime. Dark-haired, attentive and bright green eyes, olive complexion, tall and slender. I had almost forgotten how charming he was. We got engaged last year but we met in junior high school He was my first boyfriend. I have always been too focused on dance to think of love, I had some infatuations but nothing more. Poor Max! He has always loved me in silence for years and during courtship he has been very patient and insistent. Maybe I have succumbed to exhaustion.

I join him and ironically say: <<Hi, are you real or a hologram?>>

<<I’m real and I’m all here for you.>> he replies, dampening a guilty grin.

Meanwhile Matthias was walking down the stairs to reach the living room. He’s wearing a grey tight outfit and a white shirt, classic look for a businessman. It’s impossible to describe how he looks magnificently good in that outfit. I try not to look at him too much, focusing only on Max.

I feel really embarrassed, I hope nobody notices it. But then why do I feel this way? I study psychology for some years and I’m still not able to analyse my mind. The emotions of recent days are an enigma! I see Max who looks at Matthias and then at me. Maybe he expects introductions...

<<Hello Matthias, this is my boyfriend and my favourite flake Max...>>

<<Nice to meet you!>> Matthias exclaims disconsolately holding his hand out to shake.

<<Max, this is the guy I told you about yesterday on the phone.>> I say trying to deaden the tension. He looks stiffened. The knowledge and the existence of Matthias don’t seem to be as much well-accepted and it appears obvious by the way he quickly dissociates himself from Matthias.

<<Let’s go now, otherwise you will be late at the university and, besides, on an empty stomach!>> he smiles at me and nods his head to say goodbye to Matthias.

While we’re heading for the bar I tell him how I spent the previous evening. I was uncertain whether to do it or not, then I decide that it would be better to tell him it otherwise he would think that I had something to hide if he becomes aware about it by other means. And honestly I have not done anything wrong!

<<Nice, so after only few hours you had met him, you went out together. Great!>> he reproaches me.

<<Now are you jealous too? I have already explained you that he is the nephew of a dear friend of my mother and there’s nothing wrong with having a new friend! He is here just since yesterday and he feels like a fish out of water. Seen how yesterday evening ended, I wanted to distract myself a bit and he wanted to begin to know our city. Come on! Now take me to the university. It’s too late to have breakfast, so jealous boy!>> I exclaim without challenging too much his absurd suspicions and his sudden bad mood.

What dude! After all, he left me alone last night.

Fortunately, on the way we meet Roberta.

<<Hi, Robbie>> I say thanking my lucky stars to give me the chance to discuss no more with Max.

<<Hi, Isabel. Hi, Max>>

<<Since I have fulfilled my duty I can go now>> Max says making what might be called a fake smile. He kisses me and says goodbye to Robbie.

<<Talk to you later>> I say returning the kiss.

When I see Max going away I breathe a sigh of relief. Nothing gets past Robbie and she looks at me inquisitively. So I tell her everything that has happened in the last hours.

<<Isabel, forgive me if I take the liberty of...>

<<Tell me! You know you can tell me everything>> I say worried about the “pearls of wisdom” that are going to come out of her mouth.

<<In the last two months you have practically been a paranoid sourpuss and today all of a sudden you have a smile from ear to ear. When you talk about this infamous Matthias you can not help but notice your enthusiasm. I hope you weren’t so euphoric while you talked about him to Max too! I have no idea what can be so special about this guy. But he did a spell: your eyes have found the light that had been extinguished for quite some time.>>

<<Can’t I just be serene because today is a beautiful sunny day and because, after many days, I spent some time with Max?>> I ask her confuse about what she has just pointed out to me.

<<Look, whatever it was, welcome back Isabel! Whoever succeeded in doing it, I thank him from the bottom of my heart.>> She says taking me by the arm while we walk towards the entrance of the classroom.

It’s true that in recent times I could hardly feel new emotions. In fact, the more time passed, the more my pout was getting worse. My discontent will always remain a mystery. Robbie sees me practically every day and knows me better than anyone else. I didn’t know she was so worried about my fickle attitude. Maybe I’m just a little more tired than usual. I should control myself and put a stop to the constant desire to expect too much from myself. I’m constantly in competition with the whole world, I should give me some limits. But if I want to fulfil my dreams I can not afford to give up. Sometimes I’d like to be more carefree. I have chosen the department of psychology to study the mental processes and to understand human behaviour. In the future I want to work with children and adolescents, very sensitive persons. Some of them may have behavioural problems and I’d like to combine my studies with my passion. I love the discipline that is better known as contemporary dance: performance art that expresses the movement of the body and includes more styles on the basis of classical ballet. I want to be able to impart the same emotions that I feel and I want to teach others to unite body and mind to get carried away and overwhelmed by this combination. Contemporary dance is an expression in the round, also it includes the recitation of texts. One day it would be great to have my very own school! I do not dream to take part in musicals for a lifetime or to gambol in some stupid TV show. I love dance for what it gives me. It’s poetry for me, unconditional love and it makes me feel free. I do not need audiences, the music enters into my bones and, from that moment on, my body is able to do whatever I want, even to fly.

I get lost in my thoughts and I do not notice the time that is passing, when Robbie thinks to bring me sharply back to reality <<Is he engaged?>> she asks me point blank.

Understanding that she was referring to Matthias I answer: <<I don’t know...>> I pause and then I ask her: <<Could you come for dinner tonight? In this way I will introduce him to you and you can ask him it personally.>>

<<It’s not a bad idea>> she answers immediately, seizing the moment.

In the afternoon I was able to study a little and to spend a couple of hours in the gym, this time without embarrassing interruptions. I go to the bathroom to freshen up and to get ready for dinner. Robbie will come here in a while. I’m still in my bedroom when her message arrives on my mobile phone:

Come down, I’m at the front door.

I rush at the entrance to let her in and make her sit. Matthias has not been seen at all before dinner time, but when he makes his entrance in the dining room to join us, I notice Robbie’s look and open mouth. Maybe now she can understand too why he upset me so much. It should be illegal to be so devilishly handsome With two fingers I push upwards Robbie’s chin to make her close her mouth and I say amused: <<Close your mouth, you are indecent!>> there’s only one thing she can do: remain silent. But she takes revenge with a little kick under the table.

<<Hi Matthias, how are you?>> I ask him staring into his eyes without being mesmerised by his overwhelming magnetism.

<<Fine, thanks. And you?>>

<<I’m fine too! This is my best friend Roberta>> I say to him pointing at her.

<<Nice to meet you Roberta>>

Despite the initial block, Robbie becomes friendly with Matthias. She shows off her cheeky beggar and bombards him with questions. How is it possible that he doesn’t affect my timid friend as he does to me? Last night I was petrified and could hardly speak. We exchanged roles: she has become extroverted and I have become excessively shy. In the dining room there’s the background chatter typical of more open conversations. Suddenly Vanessa tells me shouting from a table not very close to ours: <<Isabel, remind me what is the date of your next competition!>>

<<Do you have to take part in a competition?>> Matthias asks me leaking the desire to be invited too

<<Yes! do you want to come along with these lunatics? At least you could control them to avoid making a fool out of me!>>