Dancing To Happiness

<<Sure!>> he answers staring at me in way of making me feel uncomfortable. I look down to hide the blushing and above all to prevent Robbie from noticing it.

The evening passes pleasantly. We decide to stay at home and, as usual, we lose track of time if it wasn’t for the first symptoms of tiredness that stand out. Given the time, Roberta decides to go home.

<<I’m going, accompany me to the door>> she says, dragging me with her. She thanks me for the invitation to dinner and above all to make her become acquainted with Matthias.

While we are heading for her car she looks at me and says: <<I could not help but see how much tight-knit you and Matthias are: I’m worried about this! I’m your friend as well as Max’s friend. I would be really sorry to see your relationship destroyed. You know that I love you Isabel, be careful. If Max sees what I saw tonight, arguments could arise.>>

<<You are exaggerating, I act with him just as I do with the others...>>

<<Are you really sure? Was I the only one to notice how he watches you?>>

<<Why? How does he watch me?>>

<<With sex drive!>>

<<Robbie!>> I growl at her.

<<Trust me, Isabel! Matthias likes you, it is clear. Also when he was taking his leave he watched you deeply.>>

I burst into a nervous laughter and say: <<Robbie, it’s the effect of alcohol! Tonight we overdid the wine at dinner. In my opinion it’s not as you say!>>

<<Whatever. I really hope that this is so. However, I can guarantee that he doesn’t take away his eyes off you!>>

I try to get rid of her to not continue this useless conversation.

<<Good night, Robbie! See you tomorrow! And just take it easy! Okay?>>

<<Yes... Good night, Isabel!>>

We kisses on the cheeks. I see her moving away with her car and then I return home.

I try not to think about what she told me. I don’t want to dwell upon what my friend believes she has seen and upon her “brain movies”. It’s true that he embarrasses me much and I can not help but look at him, but it’s only because I’m attracted by his appearance. I not even know him. Why does Robbie always demoralize me in this way? Heigh-ho!

IV

The last two weeks have been devastating but the long-awaited day of the competition arrived. Oscar, my dancing partner and friend, and I waited for hours for our turn to arrive. We began with a paso doble and two pas seul. During the wait Oscar has had anxiety all the time. Finally they start with the ranking and we hear our names placed in first position. The strain and the intense sacrifices of these months have been useful!

<<Isabel, we did it!>> Oscar exclaims, then he takes me in his arms and makes me spin like a top.

The tears begin to run down unexpectedly, probably because of the tension accumulated during this last period. Besides discovering myself shy, I have become whiner too.

Still incredulous for first place: <<They have certainly appreciated our harmony. We have always been coordinated and precise in the movements. And we bring home this victory too, Oscar!>> I say to him happily.

In these circumstances all the tiredness gathered in days past vanishes. We are a competitive couple and the presence of our friends made us stronger. Their affection gave us a great energy. We had a great responsibility and we could not disappoint the school, our choreographers and all those who believe in us. This will be our last year together. I will miss Oscar a lot. He will go to Broadway, in America. We dance together since we were ten years old. I will never forget the time in which he became depressed because he had not the courage to face his homosexuality. He made many hearts palpitate. He is good-looking and a disarming sweetheart; nobody could imagine he wasn’t hetero. In these years many girls wanted to have him as a partner and not only for dance. After he has overcome his fear and has been accepted by his family for who he is, he succeeded in finding love too. His boyfriend has his own interests and helped him much to come out of the abyss. We have faced many adventures within the school and in life. The thought that he’s going to leave makes me nostalgic. How am I without my Oscar?

I throw my arms around him and say: <<I’ll miss you terribly! Thanks for these wonderful years together, I love you!>>

Since I can no more hold the gathered stress, I burst into tears again, leaning my head against his chest. He holds me tightly: <<Hey, Isabel! You and I will never separate ourselves. You will come to visit me whenever you want and I’ll do the same with you. You will not get rid of me so easily. You are my best friend and dancing partner and I have an unlimited love for you! Come on! Stop being sad... We have to celebrate!>> he tells me, with one of his wonderful encouraging smiles.

We go to get the award and perform again our choreography. We change our clothes and catch up with the others to go for a drink together.

When we arrive at the club I introduce Matthias to Oscar and he, like me and all the women who watch Matthias, remains enchanted by this charming man.

<<Where were you hiding this guy, Isabel?>> he whispers in my ear.

<<I wasn’t hiding him, I know him for a while...>>

<<Is he hetero?>>

<<I would say so! Hey, aren’t you already engaged?>> I ask pretending to reproach him.

<<Yes, but to be engaged doesn’t mean that we should stop feasting our eyes. It is not that because one is on diet can not read the menu!>>

<<You’re right, don’t worry! He has done the same effect on me... But let’s not tell anyone about this>> I confide to him smiling.

<<Apparently your Max isn’t so sporty.>>

<<Absolutely not!>>

We look at each other and burst into laughter.

The days pass and I resumed the same routine. Thinking about it, it has already been over a month since Mathias arrived and a beautiful friendship is being born between us. Yeah, a friendship that is causing me a lot of problems with Max. We quarrel often because he does not like me to spend time with my new friend; his suffocating jealousy grows day by day. His stupid scenes are getting me tired and nervous. Soon I’m going to have a psychology exam and I’m studying hard. It’s difficult for me to focus upon it with one who bombards me with messages and calls to continuously supervise me. Let’s add to this, the exam of the dance school for the academic diploma. Sometimes I think that I have been foolhardy to have chosen both the department of psychology and the ballet school. I did it because I need both. In both cases I can be of some help to others. If I go on like this, I will be the one who needs a psychologist! I stay locked in my bedroom to study for days now. Sometimes I wonder how my father succeeds in not freaking out. He is a businessman, he follows the Financial Exchange and helps my mother with the boarding house. I must have gotten from him to involve myself with thousand tasks. Stop thinking, Isabel! It would be better that I exercise a little to release stress. I go down to the gym and start working on the new choreography for which I’m going to be examined, but each attempt ends badly: These new steps are driving me crazy! I’m going through a bad artistic period; I’m much tired and my relationship with Max is taking a turn for the worst: the one towards the decline! I decide to give it a rest with the workout and to go on the terrace to try to relax a little. I sit on the porch swing and my eyes begin to fill with tears. While I’m busy feeling sorry for myself I don’t notice Matthias’ presence and seeing him I wince.

He sits next to me and sweetly asks me: <<Why are you crying? What’s wrong?>>

I look at him astonished by his presence and his care and answer with a weak voice: <<In a few days I will have to pass an exam and I have an insane fear of not succeeding in it. This is my last year at the ballet school. I feel tired, stressed out, I try to be strong and indestructible and I want so much to fulfil my dream. I know that I could take a break from the university and concentrate on one thing at a time, but I don’t want to fall behind. I’m currently studying hard and there are days, like today, in which I drown in an inch of water. I have trouble doing some stupid steps. Today I’m Miss Doom and Gloom! I don’t know, maybe I’m just anxious for the time that is running away too fast...>> surely I can not tell him that I also have some problems with Max because of his presence.

Suddenly I realize that while he was listening to my whining he had taken my hand and was caressing it with tenderness to console me. His touch... I have not time to think about the effect that makes me his hand on mine that, all of a sudden, he takes my face in his hand and, looking intensely into my eyes, says: <<Do not get discouraged, focus on one thing at a time! Is the choreography important now? Then just concentrate on that and think about how much you worked to get here. Take the passion and the love you feel for this work and act. You are hard-nosed and you can do it. You must not give way to despair for some steps, we all have bad days.>>

I do not know whether to be more upset about the emotion I’m feeling with his hands on my face or about the hindrance to the choreography.

<<I feel so stupid.>> I think aloud.

<<Why? We’re all allowed to become demoralised, the important thing is not to lose heart and find the strength to fight!>>

<<You are right, stop being depressed! Now I will go down and I’ll try again and again the steps until they will be perfect, at the cost of spending all night like that. Thank you, Matthias.>> I say to him, blushing.

<<Good! I want to see you always so full of spirit.>> he concludes, giving me two kisses on the cheeks and freeing my face from his hands.

I needed him to find determination and will to fight and it is thanks to him that I find myself again in the gym more positively charged and motivated than before. Of course, problems with Max remain, but I can not talk about them with Matthias, probably he would not take it well. However, I can not stop thinking about his hand that caressed mine; at that time I felt butterflies in my stomach... I must stop thinking about it!

While I’m focused on what I’m doing, I jerk for the sudden squeak of the door. Roberta bursts into the gym paying no attention to my puzzlement: <<How does your workout proceed?>>

<<Good Lord, Isabel! You scared me! Good evening to you too... What are you doing here? Has something happened?>> I ask her doubtfully.

Usually she advises before coming to visit me. I perceive a negative sensation...

<<Isabel, I need to ask you a big favour...you see, I don’t know how to tell you it. I want you to help me...>> she says without looking at me, almost as if she feared my reaction.