You Cannot Be Serious!: The 101 Most Frustrating Things in Sport

You Cannot Be Serious!: The 101 Most Frustrating Things in Sport
Matthew Norman

This is a book for the sports lover.Some of us spend too much time in the shed listening to sport on the radio and hogging the television. The thing about sports lovers is that we hate so much about it, we shout at the radio and the television; we love sport so much that if any of it makes us cross, it makes us FURIOUS. So this is a book for us, the sports loving angry brigade.So, introducing: Frank Lampard; badge kissing (Frank Lampard); Neville Neville, for producing the Neville brothers (sparing his lovely daughter, who is a terrific hockey player); Ally McCoist; John Fashanu; Gary Player; Gavin Henson; Sebastian Coe; Lewis Hamilton (obviously); Cristiano Ronaldo; Tim Henman; 'Beefy' and 'Lamby' adverts; Tim Henman's mother; dressage; Tim Henman's father; Pro-celebrity golf (which Tim Henman plays); Will Carling; Fatima Whitbread; the truly awful Sir Clive Woodward; Torville and Dean; Joey Barton; national anthems; Peter Crouch; grunting female tennis players; Nigel Mansell; Paul Ince (Incy); ); Mark Lawrensen; the fella in the Union Jack outfit at sporting events, particularly cricket, who I think is dead now; Tony Blair for his heading thing with Kevin Keegan; SIR Nick Faldo (for goodness sake); Matthew Hayden (a self-professed devout Christian off the field, a sneering bully on it); Dwain Chambers; opening ceremonies; David O'Leary; Argentinian polo players; Ashley Cole; Sports Personality of the Year Award (used to be so fantastic, terrible now); Ron Atkinson - you know why; Prince William and Prince Harry; Cliff Richard (the reason they got the roof); the haka; Will Carling; Peter Alliss - very very bad, possibly evil, a very big contender for the number one spot; Max Moseley; certainly Bernie Ecclestone; Billy Bowden and his stupid signals ('Jesus is the third umpire in my life'); American golf fans who shout out 'in the hole'; the green jacket; the Barmy Army.

You Cannot Be Serious!

The 101 Most Infuriating Things in Sport

MATTHEW NORMAN

To Rebecca and Louis, implacable enemies of sport in all its myriad guises

Contents

Cover (#u993d0d7d-41bc-5916-8ee3-6884d3c1e135)

Title Page (#uab1a1dac-9828-581f-9a94-9dcfbbea19e9)

Introduction

101 - Roger Federer

100 - Neville Neville

99 - Adolf Hitler

98 - Simon Barnes

97 - The Argentine Polo Player

96 - Blake Aldridge

95 - Peter Fleming

94 - Tony Green

93 - Frank Warren

92 - Graeme Souness

91 - Kriss Akabusi

90 - Ronnie O’Sullivan

89 - Pelé

88 - Brian Barwick

87 - Sledging

86 - Graham Poll

85 - Pat Cash

84 - Richard Keys

83 - Harold ‘Dickie’ Bird

82 - Mervyn King

81 - Virtual Racing

80 - Alastair Campbell

79 - The Vuvuzela

78 - The Charlton Brothers

77 - The Charity Fun Runner

76 - Rhona Martin

75 - Arjen Robben

74 - David O’Leary

73 - Lleyton Hewitt

72 - Ken Bailey

71 - Alan Sugar

70 - John McEnroe

69 - David Bryant

68 - Badge-Kissing

67 - In da Hole!

66 - Sir Geoffrey Charles Hurst

65 - George Graham

64 - Eric Bristow

63 - Jonathan Pearce

62 - Sir Clive Woodward