TWO PLAYS. MAIDEN FOREST. THE ADVENTURES OF YUMI

Venya. It’s never too much money. All I want is to retire as soon as possible and go on a round-the-world trip.

Khlora. So you are a romantic.

Venya. A while back a desire sparked inside of me. And I am willing to change my life dramatically for the sake of it.

Khlora snuggles up to Venya.

Venya. Fyodor spared me a room on the second floor, shall we?

Venya takes the bottle of wine and glasses and goes to the house together with Khlora. Fyodor comes out of the house with a bath cap on his head and a towel on his shoulder.

Fyodor. You sure you don’t want to go?

Khlora. We’ll do that some other time.

Venya. I had enough bathing for today.

Fyodor. Well, it’s up to you.

Venya.[To Khlora.] These jokers doused me with the well water. I’ve still got a rasped throat.

Fyodor. Cold training never hurt nobody, Venya. Bless you!

Venya and Khlora go inside. A few minutes later, the light shines through a window of the second floor. Fyodor sits down at the table in the gazebo, pours beer into a big jug, and drinks it with relish. Alexey and Natalia are walking along the path from the direction of the banya. They are fresh-faced and wear bathrobes. Fyodor notices them, takes two mugs, and fills them with beer.

Fyodor. I hope you enjoyed your bath!

Alexey. Thanks, mate.

Natalia. Your banya is wonderful.

Alexey. I adore women who are fond of taking a steam-bath.

Natalia. And I respect men who adore women.

Fyodor. Let’s drink to friendship and understanding!

The three of them clink their mugs and drink beer.

Alexey. It’s so nice here!

Fyodor. So nice here, so nice here, go and grab another beer.

Alexey. I threw some more wood in the stove. The temperature there is just as you like it, Fyodor.

Fyodor. Alright. I’ll go now. Remember me kindly.

Natalia. See ya.

Fyodor walks along the path towards the banya, humming an unsophisticated melody.

Alexey. Let’s do it again in about an hour. [He wraps his arms around Natalia’s waist and holds her tight.]

Natalia. You seem to be in a good shape, Alexey.

Alexey. I remember! I remember now where I’ve seen you.

Natalia pulls away from Alexey.

Alexey. A few years ago, there was this Passion Empire massage parlor. It was the time when I was reelected and hit the bottle.

Pause.

Natalia. I recognized you at once this morning, Mister Deputy. Have I really changed so much?

Alexey. But that was another life.

Natalia. I don’t remember. I don’t.

Alexey. «I sought my love in the maiden forest. With a mocking singer, I spent the night in a stack.»

Natalia. Let it be our little secret. [She kisses Alexey on the mouth, stands up, and takes away the dishes from the table.]

Alexey. [He finishes his beer, yawns, and stretches.] Now that’s some good beer. The beer we drank in the banya smacked somehow badly.

The light in the window of the second floor flickers and then goes out.

Natalia. Beer is still beer. Here, have a bite. [She gives him a snack from the table.] Let’s dim the lights down. They attract mosquitos. [She steps up to the light switch at the entrance to the gazebo and dims the lights.]

Alexey. Uh-huh… [Yawning again.] Darkness is a teenagers’ friend. [His head droops down, he lays it on the table and falls asleep.]

Natalia. That’s it. [She takes the bottle of vodka from the table, pours some into her glass, drinks it in one draught without having a snack.] The Rubicon is crossed.

Khlora comes out of the house, bringing Natalia’s clothes with her. Natalia takes her clothes, slips out of the bathrobe, and changes quickly.

Khlora. Veniamin. Old coot. [She takes the bottle of vodka, takes a sip straight out of it, rinses her mouth, spits on the ground.]

Natalia. Is he sleeping?

Khlora. Like a rock. He went out like a lamp.

Natalia. This is good. It means we’re on track.

Natalia takes out her mobile phone and presses the call button.

Natalia. Chopper. We are ready. [She stops the call.] Khlora! In the banya, there is a padlock on the door handle. Go and lock Kolosov down.

Khlora walks along the path towards the banya. At this moment, Chopper and Moray appear by the gate. They quickly enter the garden plot, approach the gazebo. Moray carries a truncheon.