Insane! A daring comedy for 1 person. Monopies

Insane! A daring comedy for 1 person. Monopies
Nikolay Lakutin

Yes, it is difficult to understand us women, sometimes it is simply impossible. But this is our strength! Being a read book for someone is an unenviable fate. Try it – read my next step! Try and guess what I'm thinking right now! I'm a woman, I'm a girl! And this means that you can expect anything from me at any time!

Nikolay Lakutin

Insane! A daring comedy for 1 person. Monopies

Attention! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA, INTERNATIONAL LEGISLATION, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, MAKING CHANGES TO THE TEXT OF THE PLAY WHEN STAGED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR IS PROHIBITED. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF A DIRECT CONTRACT BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.

Monopies. One female role

A one-act play.

(18+)

An explanatory note for the director is attached at the end of the play.

THE CHARACTERS OF

Lera.

Scene 1. Introduction.

Silence. Darkness. Dishes break with a clang and a crash.

Male voice (outraged cry). Lera, calm down! What makes you think I have someone?

Lera (loudly, violently). What makes me think that?

Again the fight of dishes.

Male voice (outraged cry). You fool! Now you're going to smash everything, what are you going to eat and drink from later?

Lera (loudly, furiously). Found something to take care of!

Again the fight of dishes.

Male voice (indignant cry of an attempt to dodge). Hey!

Again the fight of dishes.

Male voice (outraged cry). And if he hadn't dodged? Do you even think what you're doing? You invent all sorts of nonsense in your head, then you believe in it yourself and you snap at others. That's why all the men are running away from you. You're crazy! Specifically, it's crazy!

Lera (loudly, violently). Oh, so!

Again the clash of dishes, the ringing blows of slaps are heard. Sonorous spitting.

Lera (loudly, furiously). Here you are, parasite, here you are! Don't let me see you here anymore! (Interrupts herself.) No need to explain to me what kind of girl she is, at two o'clock in the morning she sends SMS after SMS, are you holding me for a fool? For God's sake! I've already packed your things, GET OUT!

Stomping, sounds of fighting, falling shelves, hangers. A loud slam of the door.

The light turns on smoothly.

A pretty battered Lera enters with a personalized mug in her hand (her hand is shaking – nerves), sipping seagulls.

Lera (surprised at herself). Heh…, there is still gunpowder in the flasks… Vitek is not a timid fellow, but she could still put him out the door. (Proudly addresses the viewer). Have you heard what pretty slaps were slapped! (Looks down at the floor, sniffs). To me.

He rubs his cheeks with his hand, pulls his lips, opens his mouth, pulls his jaw.

Lera (calmly). But nothing, he beats, so he loves. (Winks at the viewer, slightly flirts with someone from the audience, makes eyes). And how not to love me? (To the viewer, demonstrating himself). Here, take a look. Here, here, here… Everything is with me, everything is in place, everything is as it should be. So? No? Well, how not to love, tell me? In any case, he loves. Only here, what the hell are the young ladies writing to him there at night, that's interesting. I'm sorry we make noise at night. An apartment building is such a thing, you know. No personal life. Everything is heard and in front of the neighbors. You've been through enough, haven't you?

He looks sympathetically into the hall.

Lera (excusing herself to the viewer). Do you think I haven't suffered enough? Well, tell me, how to live with the current man? It's not life, it's a continuous torment! That means he will come at the wrong time, then, even worse, on time, even though he promised to stay late. He's messing with my brains as he wants! I just tune in to one thing – he slips me another. He gives me forget-me-nots, or these stinky lilies. Yesterday I brought roses! And maybe I didn't want roses yesterday, I just wanted smelly lilies yesterday! Well, you don't know, so ask! What is the problem? Which one of us is a man? Who should pamper and please whom?

He gives me romance when I want passion and vice versa, he rushes ahead when I want foreplay. Like on a volcano, girls, by God, are not life, but solid obstacles, potholes, potholes and inconsistencies. Hence the nerves, wrinkles, hair falling out (touches the hair), aching nails (looks not too pretty at his nails) and a disgusting mood.

He finishes his drink, looks with dislike at the empty mug.

Lera (nervously, on edge). He also gave me a personalized mug, you bastard! He knows that I can't stand my name!

He throws the mug aside with all his might, the mug flies away, the sound of broken glass is heard.

Lera (thoughtfully). Hmm… by the way, that was the last one. Now there's really nothing to drink from. It will be necessary to buy something.

Lera (sweetly, modestly, shyly, affably, to the viewer). Let's get acquainted, Lera!

Lera, accompanied by music, makes a beautiful demonstrative turn around herself, bows delicately, greeting everyone.

Lera (hello, warmly, to the viewer). So what? Shall we start getting acquainted? You already know my name now. And yes, as happens with many, I don't like my name. Is there anyone else in the audience who doesn't like their name? Raise your hands, interesting. Well, don't be shy, all your own.

Looks, counts (if there are decoy viewers, you can participate here).

Lera (warmly, to the viewer). Frankly speaking, not liking your name is kind of not very good. You have to love yourself, absolutely. To love completely and completely, completely and in all places. For if you will not love yourself, then it is foolish to expect love for yourself from the environment. This is practically an axiom that has been convincingly reinforced by the life experience of previous generations… That's how it is.

But!

The whole problem is this! No one is confused by the fact that we have barely been born, we already have to love ourselves. And here again. Why should they? To whom do you owe? And in general – there's not much to love either! Nothing has been achieved, nothing has been achieved. Absolutely nothing has been done, except, maybe, a couple of shoddy diapers – vests. So what? And for what to love? Just like that? Here I was born – love her!

I think this is wrong. That's the one who thinks like that, as a result, often becomes a narcissist. I agree that you need to love yourself, but I don't think that you need to love yourself just like that without any reason. Do something for which you will respect yourself, appreciate what you will be proud of, for which you will love yourself. Something that is truly worthy of respect. Then love yourself to your health. And so, you know, if you lie on the couch all your life, naturally grow a new-fangled sirloin, get into your head the idea of how beautiful, irresistible and the best I am, and admire myself day by day… So-so variant. No, it's better than having low self-esteem and feeling like nobody even with all your life's victories. But it's not good enough either.

By the way! I recently read about a self-esteem training course. I don't know, to tell – no? Is anyone interested in this at all?

Looks at the reaction of the viewer.

Lera (warmly, to the viewer). Let me tell you, and you will try it on yourself there. Who will need it – you will use it, who will not need it – share it with those who will need it, you will do a good deed. So, there are several ways.

1. Take a large piece of paper and write down all your achievements. Right from childhood. It is possible from the very kindergarten. She played the main role in a children's play, told a poem best of all, won the Olympics, ran a hundred meters best of all, drew the best drawing or sang the best of all, collected the most valentines in class or on the course… Etc. We record everything.