Anything to Have You

I went to the fridge and got some water, and then riffled through the cabinets until I found headache medicine. I then sat on a stool at the counter and tried to piece together the night before.

Brooke and Aiden and had gotten into a fight. The girls were all being stupidly supportive of her. I’d gone downstairs. Played a drinking game. Then...I remembered Aiden and me on the couch. He’d asked me if I had been in a hot tub in the snow. I’d run into Eric in the kitchen.

There was a gap then, and I remembered being in my bra and underwear—really, me?—freezing cold in the snow, and then getting into the tub. Aiden was there, Eric was there and a couple other people I didn’t really know that well, including Reed, which had annoyed me. But then...unless I’m going crazy...I recall him actually being pretty fun. I remembered laughing a lot. Playing Never Have I Ever—a game that makes me basically Glinda the Good Witch. Reed had dared Bethany and her friend Megan to make out, and they had. Hah! Eventually, I remembered, Reed had left, and it had been down to Bethany, Megan, Eric, Aiden and me.

Then the other girls had left, and it was just Eric, Aiden and me. What had we talked about? I remembered feeling flattered by something someone said. I remembered cracking up loudly at something else.

I had an infuriatingly vague memory of talking to Eric alone outside as I pulled a towel closer to my trembling, wet body. He had kissed me.

How Aiden and I had ended up in a room together, I had no recollection.

“Good God, I feel like utter hell.”

Brooke came out of the hallway and into the kitchen in sweatpants and only a bra.

“Brooke! Whose pants are those?”

“Morning, sunshine. I don’t know. I fell asleep over there—” she pointed to the couch “—and at some point relocated. I think these pants might be Alexa’s little brother’s.” She chuckled and massaged her temples.

She clearly had not gone downstairs and seen anything she could misinterpret.

“Nice,” I said.

“I totally blacked out after Aiden’s and my fight.”

Thank. God.

“Uh, so did I.”

“No way!” she trilled, and then covered her mouth to stifle her volume. “So proud of you, Nattie.”

“It’s not like it’s super positive, though....”

She shrugged. “I mean, whatever. It happens.” She suddenly looked devious. “Sooo, I went downstairs after waking up from a little catnap, after you all were in the tub and I saw you outside....”

At first my heart clenched, but then I realized it couldn’t have anything to do with Aiden, or she wouldn’t be treating the news like it was an exciting bit of gossip.

She moved closer and dropped her voice. “You were making out with Eric Hornby.” She mouthed, Oh my fucking God.

A more distinct flash came back. His hand on my jaw, and his lips on mine. He was warm still, from the tub, and the air was icy cold.

“You saw that? Yeah, I really...hardly remember it.”

“Well,” she said, “you two looked pret-ty into it, if you ask me. Which you didn’t, for some reason. Jesus, if you don’t remember it, aren’t you even curious how you two looked together? You looked perfect, by the way, positively adorable. You have exactly that right height difference. I would have thought you would think he was too perfect looking, but honestly, I think he’s right on the cusp of being too pretty.”

The truth was I did find him a little too pretty. Sparkling green eyes with sandy brown lashes, a nose carved from marble and lips that were just big enough without becoming weird and gross. His cheekbones could win People magazine’s Sexiest contest all on their own. But I tended to be more into the Ryan Gosling type than the James Marsden type. Still hot. But less like a Disney Prince.

So...I had been making out with Eric. And had seemed into it.

Of course I hadn’t hooked up with Aiden. It wasn’t exactly a relief, since I didn’t want to have slept with Eric Hornby, either, but I should have known that even my drunk, blacked-out brain wouldn’t allow me to betray my best friend. Or sleep with Aiden, who was also a good friend.

My stomach flipped. Had I had enough sense to use a condom? I wasn’t on birth control or anything. It had always felt like a waste, since I had no boyfriend and no real prospects. Did I even really know how to use a condom? What if we had but had put it on wrong or...inside out or something?

“Where did you sleep even?” she asked, sticking her hand in a box of Apple Jacks.

Plummet. “Downstairs. I don’t even know who else was down there, it was dark. I came up here to find ibuprofen.”

She laughed. “’Atta girl. Where’s Aiden? He didn’t leave, did he?”

I remembered his hand on my knee, and the way he had flirted. I cringed. What had been up with me last night? Why had I ended up in his room? Why was I slutting it up left and right? Next thing, someone was going to say they’d seen me giving Reed a BJ in the bathroom or something.

Ew.

I wanted to curl up in a ball. “I don’t know. Probably not?”

“Well, I’m dying to get out of here and get some Chipotle. You look downstairs, I’ll look in these rooms. I swear to God if I find him in bed with another girl, he is going to wake up to a solid punch in the balls and no girlfriend.”

“I’ll...go look.”

“Thanks, love. I need some Pedialyte or something....”

I went downstairs to where I knew Aiden was, and opened the door to find him awake and sitting on the edge of the bed putting on his shoes.

I flipped on the light and shut the door. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“How the hell did this happen?” I gestured at the bed.

He shook his head and gave me an I have no idea look.

“I guess...I guess it’s good no one came in,” I said.

“Yeah, it is.” He bit the inside of his cheek, as I knew he usually did when he was nervous. “Are you...good?”

“Me? Yeah, no, I’m fine.”

I wanted to ask if he knew what had happened with Eric, but it seemed weird to talk about it with him for some reason.

“I don’t want it to be awkward or anything,” he said.

“No, me, neither. I just...I mean, if Brooke found out...”

“She would kill us both.”

“I mean, she probably wouldn’t freak too too much. We just slept together. Or, you know, next to each other. It’s not like we hooked up.”

I searched his face for a sign that maybe I was wrong about it being Eric, and that maybe it was actually Aiden.