Anything to Have You

The ride home was awkward as could be. Aiden and Brooke were clearly still in a fight. Brooke sat with crossed legs, staring out the window, saying nothing. Aiden drove without speaking except to say, “Later,” when he dropped me off.

So much for my first night back in the game.

* * *

ONCE HOME, I spent the entire day in and out of panic attacks about what had happened with Eric. I thought about messaging him a couple of times, to clarify what had happened, perhaps find out what had prompted me to even want to do such a thing, and maybe—hopefully—confirm that we had used protection. But even though we apparently had gotten to know each other pretty well, I felt weird trying to talk to him. We had hardly ever spoken in our lives, and we had never said anything of importance. And maybe it was stupid, but I kind of felt like he should try to talk to me first. He hadn’t seemed that drunk. Why had he let me go through with it? He was surely aware that I was hammered, right? Shouldn’t he have done the noble thing and not hooked up with me?

Instead of doing the smart thing and trying to figure out what exactly my body had been up to while my brain was in Blackout Land, I curled up in a ball and cried over soap operas all day. I would have stayed like that probably forever if my dad hadn’t called me downstairs for our weekly tradition of Sunday Diner Dinners.

I managed to haul myself from bed all the way to a red vinyl booth. I felt this weird guilt sitting across from my dad, knowing that I had had sex the night before. I didn’t know why, exactly. Part of me wanted to talk about it, especially since I hadn’t said it out loud at all yet, not even to Brooke. But as close as I was to my dad, this was just too weird.

I set down my patty melt, feeling a little queasy, even though it was as delicious as ever, and surveyed my father. I knew he would be disappointed in me if I told him what had happened at the party. It was the saddest thing in the world to disappoint him.

Maybe it was his blue eyes, which had a shape to them that made him always look soft and kind, and even a little sad. He had aged in the past couple of years, gray starting to fleck his sideburns and stubble, and the lines around his eyes and mouth starting to deepen. He had creases in his cheeks, signs of a lifetime of smiling and laughing. My dad was one of those men who really looked like an older version of the young, attractive guy he had once been. He didn’t look like any regular older guy. He still looked like himself.

As if he knew something was up, and he probably did, he asked, “How did last night go?”

“What?” My face flushed red. “Oh, it was fun. It was fine.”

“Did you have anything to drink?”

“Umm...”

He laughed and shook his head.

“Are you mad?”

“No, I’m not mad. You didn’t drive, and you know better than to get in the car with someone who’s been drinking. I’m not worried about you. You’re a smart girl.” He gestured at me with his fork. “Don’t make a habit of it, or I will get concerned.”

Smart girl. Was I? I didn’t feel like it right now. My dad’s lack of concern about the situation was based on the fact that I had always made smart choices. He knew I had removed myself from my social group when they started getting into that stuff, and that I wasn’t the type of daughter that needed to be worried about. It made my heart hurt a little to imagine his reaction if he knew the truth. If he knew that I had drunk too much liquor, had sex with someone I hardly knew and woken up in bed with a different guy. Not just any guy, either, but my best friend’s boyfriend.

Actually, he was a big fan of Aiden’s, so that probably wouldn’t be the worst part of it.

Marcy, our favorite waitress, came over with our refills. “Here you go, guys. How’s that patty melt?”

“It is possibly the greatest thing I have ever consumed in the history of my life.”

“Marcy, you’ll never guess what little Natalie did last night.”

“Ooh, what?” She tightened her shoulders excitedly, and sat down on the bench next to my dad.

“She went to a party.”

Marcy gave a small squeal, knowing exactly how much of a shock this was. “Well, little miss Natalie. Are we going to have to check you into rehab? Don’t tell me you’re going down the path of Lindsay Lohan.”

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly. “Yeah, yeah, yeah...”

“Did you want any coffee or anything tonight?” Marcy asked my dad. The way she looked at him was so cute that it got me to smile and stop obsessing about last night for a second. It was so obvious she was crushing on him.

“Yeah, sure. And—”

“And one big slice of coconut cream pie. I know, John.”

She gave him a wink and turned to go back to the kitchen.

“Would you ask her out already?”

“Cool your arrows there, Cupid, Valentine’s Day is over.”

I was letting out an exasperated sigh when my phone rang.

Aiden.

My stomach did about nine somersaults. It wasn’t hugely out of the ordinary for him to give me a call. Usually he was looking for Brooke, or asking a question about school. But I had a feeling this was about yesterday.

“I’ll...be right back.” I scurried outside and answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, Nattie.”

“Hey. Uh, what’s up?”

“Are you at the diner with your dad?”

I gave a small laugh at the predictability of my routine and Aiden’s awareness of it. “Yeah, why?”

He hesitated. “Do you mind if I stop by for a sec?”

“Um, no, that’s fine.”

That was out of the ordinary.

“Okay, I’ll be there in, like, five minutes.”

CHAPTER FIVE

I WENT BACK in, appreciating the warm gusts of heated air that beat down on our table. I cleared my throat and tried not to make eye contact with either my dad or Marcy. Which was difficult, since they were both staring at me.

“Was that a boy, Miss Natalie?”

“No...I mean, yeah, but it’s Brooke’s boyfriend.” I avoided my dad’s gaze.

“Ooh, that tall one? She showed me a picture of him a long time ago when she first met him. He is cute. They’re still together? That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty cute. Um. Daddy, he’s going to stop by here for a minute if that’s okay.”

He studied me, probably trying to figure out what was really going on—he didn’t stand a chance, since even I didn’t know—and Marcy elbowed him.

“That’s fine, sweetie, I’ll keep your dad company.”