Kill City Blues

Candy says, “Can I go too?”

I should have been ready for that.

“I don’t know,” I say.

Candy tosses down the magazine she was thumbing through.

“We talked about this. If you leave me here and disappear down there again, you better stay down there because I swear I’ll salt your skull and drink you like a daiquiri.”

Candy isn’t exactly human. She’s a Jade. That’s sort of like being a vampire, only Jades dissolve your insides and drink you, kind of like a spider. I know it sounds bad, but she’s off the people juice these days. And it’s kind of sexy when she lets the monster out. I just have to be around to make sure it goes back in.

“What’s the difference between true love and a murder spree?” says Kasabian.

“I don’t know. What?”

He shrugs.

“I don’t know. I was hoping you lovebirds would have a clue.”

He smiles, pleased with his half-assed joke.

I say, “Go bite a mailman, Old Yeller.”

Mike lets go of Kasabian’s leg. He flexes it and it looks like it’s working all right. Mike goes to work on the other one.

“Well?” says Candy. She’s right beside me, her hands balled into fists. She’s not backing down on this.

“You’re right. I promised. But this is only if I actually go. I’m not making any special trips down so you can take snapshots with Stiv Bators.”

“Deal.”

She stands on her toes and kisses me on the cheek.

“I got it,” says Kasabian. “When it’s true love you know why you’re getting stabbed.”

“Kasabian, you romantic fool,” says Candy. “You just got ten percent cuter.”

He smiles at her.

“Kitten, I’ve got romance coming out my ass.”

“And now the cute is gone.”

Mike chuckles to himself. Kasabian shifts his leg, clipping him on the nose.

“Learn to stop while you’re ahead,” I say.

“I haven’t had much practice with women since you turned me into a carnival attraction.”

“I’ll have you tripping the light fantastic in no time,” says Mike.

As casually as he can, Kasabian says, “Stark, you still have Brigitte’s number?”

“No.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yes.”

“I’m not asking for a hookup, just an introduction.”

“I’ve put Brigitte through enough. I’m not letting you loose on her.”

“You won’t do me one favor, but you want me to look up your dead pal in Hell.”

“Look, Mike gets your legs working, you can come down to Bamboo House of Dolls and ask her yourself. Maybe she’ll say yes just for the novelty of doing a robot.”

“I think she might be seeing someone,” says Candy.

“Who?” says Kasabian.

“The King of Candy Land. Or was it Josie and the Pussycats?”

“Great. Now she gets discreet. Forget it. Chicks only want one monster in their life and Stark got to Brigitte first.”

Mike stops working and Kasabian tries to stand. This time he makes it. His legs support him and he takes a few steps like, well, a circus dog doing a trick for biscuits.

I say, “You know, no matter how well you make his arms and legs work, he still looks like a mutt.”

Mike sighs and nods.

“To rework his whole body so it’s more human shaped, I’d have to cut it up with a plasma torch, lengthen and straighten his back legs, redo the spine, and rebalance and recalibrate the whole thing,” he says. “The only way to do that is for Kasabian to get off it.”

I look at Kasabian, walking steady for the first time since I’ve been back.

“Maybe he’s right. Maybe you should go back to your skateboard for a while and let Mike do his thing.”

Kasabian looks panicked. He stumbles back against his desk, his hound legs giving way.

“No way anyone is chopping up this body. I looked like a fucking bug on that skateboard. Now at least I’m mammal shaped.”

“I’ve got all your limbs working right for the moment,” says Mike. “Maybe there’s some way I can do your legs without taking them off.”

Kasabian sits down and slaps his computer keyboard. The screen lights up.

“Yeah. You work on that. Right now let me get back to work building my site.”

As Mike packs up his tools he looks at me.