The Plays of W. E. Henley and R. L. Stevenson

Anthony. I protest, sir, this is a very proud moment. Your name is still remembered in the regiment. (Austin bows.) The Colonel – he keeps his health, sir, considering his age (Austin bows again, and looks at Menteith) – tells us young men you were a devil of a fellow in your time.

Austin. I believe I was – in my time. Menteith, give Mr. Musgrave a dish of chocolate. So, sir, we see you at the Wells.

Anthony. I have but just alighted. I had but one thought, sir: to pay my respects to Mr. Austin. I have not yet kissed my aunt and sister.

Austin. In my time – to which you refer – the ladies had come first.

Anthony. The women? I take you, sir. But then you see, a man’s relatives don’t count. And besides, Mr. Austin, between men of the world, I am fairly running away from the sex: I am positively in flight. Little Hortense of the Opera; you know; she sent her love to you. She’s mad about me, I think. You never saw a creature so fond.

Austin. Well, well, child! you are better here. In my time – to which you have referred – I knew the lady. Does she wear well?

Anthony. I beg your pardon, sir!

Austin. No offence, child, no offence. She was a very lively creature. But you neglect your chocolate I see?

Anthony. We don’t patronise it, Mr. Austin; we haven’t for some years: the service has quite changed since your time. You’d be surprised.

Austin. Doubtless. I am.

Anthony. I assure you, sir, I and Jack Bosbury of the Fifty-Second —

Austin. The Hampshire Bosburys? —

Anthony. I do not know exactly, sir. I believe he is related.

Austin. Or perhaps – I remember a Mr. Bosbury, a cutter of coats. I have the vanity to believe I formed his business.

Anthony. I – I hope not, sir. But as I was saying, I and this Jack Bosbury, and the Brummagem Bantam – a very pretty light-weight, sir – drank seven bottles of Burgundy to the three of us inside the eighty minutes. Jack, sir, was a little cut; but me and the Bantam went out and finished the evening on hot gin. Life, sir, life! Tom Cribb was with us. He spoke of you, too, Tom did: said you’d given him a wrinkle for his second fight with the black man. No, sir, I assure you, you’re not forgotten.

Austin (bows). I am pleased to learn it. In my time, I had an esteem for Mr. Cribb.

Anthony. O come, sir! but your time cannot be said to be over.

Austin. Menteith, you hear?

Menteith. Yes, Mr. George.

Anthony. The Colonel told me that you liked to shake an elbow. Your big main, sir, with Lord Wensleydale, is often talked about. I hope I may have the occasion to sit down with you. I shall count it an honour, I assure you.

Austin. But would your aunt, my very good friend, approve?

Anthony. Why, sir, you do not suppose I am in leading-strings?

Austin. You forget, child: a family must hang together. When I was young – in my time – I was alone; and what I did concerned myself. But a youth who has – as I think you have – a family of ladies to protect, must watch his honour, child, and preserve his fortune. You have no commands from Sir Frederick?

Anthony. None, sir, none.

Austin. Shall I find you this noon upon the Pantiles?.. I shall be charmed. Commend me to your aunt and your fair sister. Menteith?

Menteith. Yes, Mr. George. (Shows Anthony out.)

SCENE III

Austin, Menteith, returning

Austin. Was I ever like that, Menteith?

Menteith. No, Mr. George, you was always a gentleman.

Austin. Youth, my good fellow, youth.

Menteith. Quite so, Mr. George.

Austin. Well, Menteith, we cannot make no mend. We cannot play the jockey with Time. Age is the test: of wine, Menteith, and men.

Menteith. Me and you and the old Hermitage, Mr. George, he-he!

Austin. And the best of these, the Hermitage. But come: we lose our day. Help me off with this. (Menteith takes off Austin’s dressing-gown; Austin passes R. to dressing-table, and takes up first cravat.)

Austin. Will the hair do, Menteith?

Menteith. Never saw it lay better, Mr. George. (Austin proceeds to wind first cravat. A bell: exit Menteith. Austin drops first cravat in basket and takes second.)

Austin (winding and singing) —

‘I’d crowns resign
To call her mine,
Sweet Lass of Richmond Hill!’

(Second cravat a failure. Re-enter Menteith with card.) Fenwick? of Allonby Shaw? A good family, Menteith, but I don’t know the gentleman. (Lays down card, and takes up third cravat.) Send him away with every consideration.

Menteith. To be sure, Mr. George. (He goes out. Third cravat a success. Re-enter Menteith.) He says, Mr. George, that he has an errand from Miss Musgrave.

Austin (with waistcoat). Show him in, Menteith, at once. (Singing and fitting waistcoat at glass) —

‘I’d crowns resign
To call her mine,
Sweet Lass of Richmond Hill!’

SCENE IV

Austin, R. to him Menteith and Fenwick

Menteith (announcing). Mr. Fenwick, Mr. George.

Austin. At the name of Miss Musgrave, my doors fly always open.

Fenwick. I believe, sir, you are acquainted with my cousin, Richard Gaunt?