Fool’s Quest

While she dismembered my breakfast, I went to Lord Feldspar’s trunk. Yes, Chade had supplied him well. I found the bottle of ink. And a quill pen. I thought for a bit, then cleared the correspondence from the table. I reversed the quill and dipped the feathered end into the ink bottle and studied it. It would do. ‘Crow. Come here. I’ll paint you black.’

She dropped the piece of bacon she’d been trying to shred. ‘White! White!’

‘No white,’ I told her. I focused my Wit. No white.

She cocked her head and pointed one bright eye at me. I waited. With a clatter that sent my spoon to the floor, she lifted from my tray and hopped to the table.

‘Open your wings.’ She stared. I slowly lifted my arms wide. ‘Open. Show me the white.’

To understand what someone wants is not the same as trusting. She tried. She opened her wings. I tried to dab black on, but she fluttered her wings and spattered ink all over us. I tried again. I talked to her as I worked. ‘I’ve no idea if this will stand up to rain. Or wind. Or if your feathers will stick together. Open them. No, leave them open.So the ink dries. That’s it!’

By the time I began work on the second wing, she was more cooperative. My arms and my correspondence were freckled with ink. I finished her second wing and went over the first one again. Then I had to make her understand that I had to paint the undersides of her wings as well. ‘Now dry!’ I warned her, and she stood, wings outstretched. She rattled her pinions to put them in order and I was glad to see little spatter of ink. And when she folded them, she looked to me like an ordinary black crow.

‘No white!’ I told her. She turned her head and preened her feathers to smoothness. She seemed satisfied with my work, for she hopped abruptly back into the middle of my plate.

‘I’ll leave the window open for you,’ I told her, and left her there, making a mess of my unfinished breakfast.

I pulled the door shut behind me, for what Chade had told me once was true. That open window and this opened door together created a terrific draught in the apartments about.

I climbed the steep steps wondering how I could convey to the Fool all that had happened in one night. A foolish grin took command of my face. For the first time, I allowed myself to admit that part of me rejoiced. So long, so long, I had stood at the edge of the forest, looking at the lit windows in the distance. Buckkeep Castle was my home, had always been my home. Despite all my misgivings and fears, I allowed myself to imagine, for one delicious moment, that I could stand to my king’s left side during his judgments or be seated at the high table during a banquet. I imagined my small daughter dancing with me in the Great Hall. I would tell the Fool and he would understand my torn feelings. Then, with a rush of regret, I wished again that the Fool had been there last night, to see and hear Starling singing of my courage and brave and selfless deeds.

But he would have seen nothing of it. And like a hunted stag run off a cliff over a frozen lake, my mood plummeted into dark and cold. My exultation vanished and I almost dreaded telling him. Yesterday I had not mentioned Nettle’s pregnancy. Today I feared to tell him of King Dutiful’s public recognition of me.

My steps had slowed and by the time I reached the top of the stairs, I was plodding. So I was not prepared to see the Fool seated at Chade’s table, six candles burning bright in a tight circle before him. I was even less prepared for the lopsided smile with which he greeted me. ‘Fitz!’ he exclaimed, almost merrily, the scars on his face contorting his smile to a puppet’s grin. ‘I’ve news to share!’

‘And I,’ I rejoined, my spirits daring to lift a bit.

‘It’s good news,’ he told me, as if I could not have guessed that. I wondered if he was going to tell me my own tidings, and immediately resolved that if he wished to do so and take pleasure in it, then I would let him.

‘So I see,’ I told him, taking a seat at the table opposite him.

‘No, you don’t!’ he rejoined, his laughter bubbling up at a jest I didn’t share yet. ‘But I do!’

I sat for a long moment in silence, waiting for him to add words to that. Then, as often had happened in our youths, I suddenly grasped the meaning he intended. ‘Fool! You can see?’

‘I just told you that,’ he responded, and burst into hearty laughter.

‘Look at me!’ I commanded him, and he lifted his eyes but they did not meet my gaze. To my deep disappointment, they were still clouded and grey.

The smile on his face faded a little. ‘I can see light,’ he admitted. ‘I can tell light from darkness. Well, that’s not it exactly. Being blind isn’t darkness as you know darkness. Oh, it doesn’t matter, so I won’t try to explain it except to say, I know there are candles burning on the table before me. And when I turn my face away, I know there are not candles over there. Fitz, I think my eyesight is coming back. When you used the Skill on me that night … I knew that the sores on my back began to heal. But this is so much more than that.’

‘I did nothing to your eyes that night. It may simply be that a natural healing process has begun.’ I bit back the warning that nearly burst from me. Don’t hope too much. I knew how tenuous his health was. And yet, he could now perceive light. That had to mean he was starting to rally. ‘I’m glad for you. And we must keep you on the path. Have you eaten today?’

‘Oh, yes. I’ve eaten. Chade’s boy brought food, and seemed less fearful of me. Or perhaps more fascinated by the bird. And then Chade himself came by, with a parcel of things for you. Fitz! He told me all. And I am … befuddled. And happy for you. And frightened. How can such a time be, such a world where things happen that I never foresaw! And he told me that Starling played your story and sang it beautifully! Is it truly so? Did I dream it?’

A lurch of disappointment. I had not known how much I wished to tell him myself until I found he already knew. But his smile at my good fortune was everything I could have wished for.

‘No. It was all true. It was wonderful.’ And with him, I shared the moments that few others would have understood. I told him how Celerity, the Duchess of Bearns, heir to her sister Lady Hope, had set her hands on my shoulders. I had stared into her clear eyes. There were lines at the corners of her eyes and framing her mouth, but still a determined girl met my gaze. ‘I never doubted you. You should not have doubted me,’ she had said, and kissed my mouth softly before turning and walking quickly away, her husband shooting me a puzzled glare before he hastened after her. I recounted how Queen Elliania had cut a silver narwhal button from her cuff and given it to me, bidding me wear it always. He smiled to that, and then his face grew thoughtful when I told him that people that I scarcely recalled had taken my hand and pressed it, or slapped my shoulder. Some had smiled incredulously, a few had wept. Very disconcerting were those who tipped me a wink or leaned in to whisper, ‘Remember well that I kept your secret,’ and messages of that ilk. Worst of all was a young guardsman who strode boldly past the waiting nobility. Sparks of anger had danced in his eyes as he said, ‘My grandfather died thinking he had sent you to your death. To the end of his days, Blade believed he had betrayed you. He, I think, you might have trusted.’ Then he had turned on his heel and was engulfed by the crowd before I could speak a word to him.

I found myself speaking softly as if I were telling an old tale to a young child. And giving it a happy ending, when all know that tales never end, and the happy ending is but a moment to catch one’s breath before the next disaster. But I didn’t want to think about that. I didn’t want to wonder what would happen next.

‘Did Chade say why he had done it?’ he asked me.

I gave a shrug he could not see. ‘He said it was time. That both Shrewd and Verity would have wanted it to happen. Having emerged from the shadows himself, he said he could not leave me there.’ I rummaged on one of Chade’s shelves and then another before I found what I sought. Spirits of wine. I lit my own candle at the fire and found a rag. I damped the rag and began to remove my ink freckles. They were hard to get off. Good for the crow, annoying for me. I moved to Chade’s mirror, scrubbing at the spots on my face.

‘What is that smell? What are you doing?’

‘Getting ink off my face. I was painting the crow’s white feathers black so she could go out without being pecked and chased.’

‘Painting a crow. Prince FitzChivalry amuses himself painting crows the day after his acknowledgment by the throne.’ He laughed. A very good sound.

‘Chade left a package for me?’

‘At the end of the table,’ he said. He had fixed his gaze once more on the candles, revelling in whatever trace of their brilliance he could perceive. And so I did not take any of them, but moved the parcel to their vicinity and began to unfasten it. It smelled of earth. It was wrapped in leather, and tied with leather straps. The knots were green with disuse and the white-edged stains on the leather were from damp. The ties had not been undone in a very long time, and I suspected that at some point it had been stored outside, perhaps for a winter. Possibly buried somewhere. As I worked on the knots, the Fool observed, ‘He left you a note as well. What does it say?’

‘I haven’t read it yet.’

‘Shouldn’t you read it before you open the parcel?’

‘Did he say I should?’

‘He seemed to take a very long time to think about it, and then he wrote only a few words. I heard the scratching of his pen, and many sighs.’

I stopped working on the straps. I tried to decide which made me more curious, the letter or the parcel. I lifted one candle and saw the single sheet of paper on the table. I’d missed it in the dimness. I reached, trapped it and slid it toward me. Like most of Chade’s missives there was no date, no greeting and no signature. Only a few lines of writing.

‘What does it say?’ the Fool demanded.

‘“I did as he bade me. The conditions were never met. I trust you to understand. I think you should have it now.”’

‘Oh. Better and better,’ the Fool exclaimed. And added, ‘I think you should just cut the straps. You’ll never get those old knots out.’

‘You already tried, didn’t you?’

He shrugged and tipped a grin at me. ‘It would have saved you the trouble of struggling with them.’

I tormented both of us by working at the stubborn knots for some little time. Leather that has been knotted, wet, and then left to dry can seem as hard as iron. In the end, I drew my belt-knife and sawed through the straps. I tugged them off the parcel and then struggled to unfold the leather that surrounded whatever it was. It was not soft leather, but heavy, the sort one would use for a saddle. It creaked as I pried it open and brought out something wrapped in a still-greasy cloth. I set it with a thunk on the table.

‘What is it?’ the Fool demanded, and reached to send his fingers dancing over the concealed item.

‘Let’s find out.’ The greasy cloth proved to be a heavy canvas sack. I found the opening, reached in and pulled out …

‘It’s a crown,’ the Fool exclaimed, his fingers touching it almost as soon as my eyes saw it.

‘Not exactly.’ Crowns are not usually made of steel. And Hod had not been a maker of crowns but a maker of swords. She had been an excellent weaponsmaster. I turned the plain circlet of steel in my hands, knowing this was her work though I could not have explained to anyone how I recognized it. And there, there was her maker’s mark, unobtrusive but proud inside the circlet.

‘There’s something else here.’ The Fool’s hands had gone questing like ferrets into the opened leather parcel and now he held out a wooden tube to me. I took it silently. We both knew it would contain a scroll. The ends of the tube were plugged with red wax. I studied it in the candlelight.

‘Verity’s seal,’ I told him softly. I hated to mar the imprint, but nonetheless I dug the wax out with my belt-knife, and then tipped the tube and shook it. The scroll was stubborn. It had been in there a long time. When it finally emerged I just looked at it. Water had not touched it.