Reflections of a Bachelor Girl

EVERY time a woman gives a man a piece of her mind she loses a piece of his heart.

WHEN a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.

A MAN never marries when he ought to; he waits until some woman comes along and gets him so tangled up that he has to.

THE shortest way to Heaven or to Hell is via the Love Route, Limited.

IT MAY be bad form for a man to pay his wife compliments and call her pet-names in the presence of other women, but it's awfully good policy.

MANY a foolish runaway match has been prevented by the fact that a girl didn't have on her best silk stockings at the critical moment.

REMORSE is the feeling a man has when the bottle is empty or he has tired of the girl.

HUSBANDS are like Christmas gifts: you can't choose them; you've just got to sit down and wait until they arrive and then appear perfectly delighted with what you get.

THE beauty of variety in love or wine is that the moment a man discovers a new brand or a new girl, he forgets all about the others and honestly believes that he is tasting the real thing for the first time.

MATRIMONY should not be a prison but a privilege, and husbands and wives should not be jailors but jolliers.

THAT lump which a man feels in his throat when he is about to propose is the "don't" lump.

A MAN may read everything that ever was written about women and yet not know enough to avoid asking his wife a question when her mouth is full of pins.

THE oftener a man falls in love, the more easily and gracefully he does it; exercise seems to keep the heart in good working condition.

IT IS always a surprise to a woman when her husband sues for $200,000 for the alienation of her affections, which he never seemed to consider worth two cents.

MATRIMONY is a revolving door, round which husband and wife follow one another without ever meeting on the same side of any question.

MARRYING an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.

LOVE always must end sooner or later – usually sooner than the girl expected and later than the man intended.

THE woman who insists on playing Solitaire in conversation is likely to end by playing Old Maid.

FROM the number of virtues and accomplishments that a man expects to find in one wife, you'd fancy he was marrying a harem.

DON'T worry for fear you may freeze a man's love out; the colder the wind you blow upon it, the higher you fan the flames.

THE saddest thing about married life is the opportunity it gives two otherwise agreeable people for telling one another the disagreeable truth.

THERE never was a man big and strong enough to get out his clean shirt and collar and fix the water for his bath.

IT'S when the game becomes a trifle stale that a man begins to feel conscientious qualms about flirting with a woman.

THE woman who pins her faith to a man won't find a safety-pin strong enough to stand the strain.

IN love, the best way to erase one face from the tablet of memory is to draw another across it.

A MAN'S ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.

A MAN may feel like a brute at taking a kiss from a nice girl – but it isn't until after he's gotten the kiss.

WHY should matrimony interfere with pleasure in this day of self-rocking cradles, self-cooking ranges – and self-supporting wives?

MOST men write a love-letter as cautiously as though they were writing for publication, or fame, or posterity.

THE man who breaks his social engagements with you before marriage, will break everything from his word to your heart, afterward.

PLATONIC friendship is a ship that starts for Nowhere and nearly always ends by being wrecked in the port of Love.

TO a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.

A MAN'S conscience is like his head; it never bothers him until "the morning after."

A MAN'S shoulders are not always as broad as they're padded.

MEN say they hate anything loud about a woman; it must be disgust that makes them always turn around to stare after a peroxide blonde.

THE saddest sight on earth is an old bachelor trying to sew on a button with a blunt needle and a piece of string.

THERE are some men who, before marriage, will risk their lives to pick up your parasol from in front of a whizzing automobile who wouldn't get off the sofa after marriage to pick up anything you might drop, from a hint, to a baby.

A HUSBAND gets so used to his wife's conversation that after a while it doesn't interrupt his reading of the newspaper any more than the plunking in the steam pipes.

OF course men admire a circumspect woman above all things, but they seldom invite her out to supper.

NOTHING bores a man worse than the devotion of the girl before the last.

IT'S rather sad to see how easily a man gets "that tired feeling" after a love affair has become a bit stale.

A MAN may send you a gold-handled umbrella with your monogram on it in diamonds and mean nothing but good-fellowship, but if he offers to put it up and carry it over you for fear the mist will spoil your feathers you may be sure he's in love.

LOVE letters lead to all sorts of complications, but post cards tell no tales.

ASKING a girl if you may kiss her before doing it is an insulting way of laying all the responsibility on her.

A MARRIED man thinks that if he concedes to smooth his top hair and carry a cane he is sufficiently dressy to go out anywhere with his wife.

BRIDEGROOMS have that sheepish look because every one of them is morally certain that he is a lamb being led to the slaughter.

A WIFE sort of loses her awe and admiration for men after she has seen her husband without a collar and with his face covered with shaving lather and his top hair sticking up in tufts.

A MAN seldom discovers that he hasn't married his affinity until his wife begins to get crow's-feet around the eyes.

IF YOU want to be really popular pat a bald man on the head; call an old man "naughty boy"; treat a young man with timid respect; cling to a little man like the vine to the mighty oak, and tell a fat man how you love to dance with him.

THE man who declares a friend innocent even when he knows he is guilty, and defends a woman's reputation even when it is scarcely worth defending, is not written down a liar by the recording angel.