Reflections of a Bachelor Girl

ODD how a man always gets remorse confused with reform; a cold bath, a dose of bromo-selzer, and his wife's forgiveness will make him feel so moral that he will begin to patronize you.

IT'S as hard to get a man to stay home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.

A MAN hates emotions; when a girl pours her heart out to him he feels as if she has emptied the warm water jug or the molasses cruet over him.

A WOMAN will lie to anybody else on earth sooner than to the man she loves; but a man will lie to the woman he loves sooner than to anybody else on earth.

MATRIMONY is a bargain – and somebody has got to get the worst of the bargain.

THE most uncomfortable thing about being married is that you can never tell whether your friends are envying you or pitying you.

ALL a man asks for in the love-game is beginner's luck.

POKER and love are both games of bluff.

A MAN has so many more temptations than a woman – because he knows where to go and find them.

A MAN will sit on the edge of the bed, holding one shoe in his hand and gazing into space for half an hour, and then send the cook into hysterics and the waitress into nervous prostration because he has only ten minutes left in which to eat his breakfast.

MOST bridal couples pile enough honey into the first month of matrimony to last a whole lifetime if thinned out and spread on economically.

WONDER if Adam ever scolded Eve for her extravagance in fig leaves.

A BABY'S kisses taste of stale milk, a boy's of jam, a young man's of cigarettes and a husband's of cocktails.

OF course people can't carry their party manners into marriage; but if they could, marriage would be more like a party and less like a prize fight.

SOME marriages of convenience turn out to be about the most inconvenient things that could possibly have happened.

WHEN perfect frankness comes in at the door love flies out of the window.

MIGHT as well hail a Broadway car on the wrong side of the street as to hail a man on the wrong side of his vanity.

DIVORCE is getting to be as painless as dentistry. Two people pack each other's trunks, genially shake hands farewell, wish each other luck, and then go off to Europe while the lawyers fight it out.

A MAN forgets all about how to make love after ten years of matrimony; but it's wonderful how quickly he can get into practice again after his wife dies.

DON'T flatter yourself because he calls every Sunday evening that it is a sign that he's getting serious. It may only be a sign that everything else is closed.

NO doubt when a man puts his cheek against a girl's he always imagines that it feels as smooth as hers does.

GETTING married is so easy that most men are suspicious of it.

A MOTHER-IN-LAW may be the serpent in the Garden of Eden; but if it hadn't been for the serpent whom would Adam have had to blame for all his troubles?

WHEN two people marry they "lock their hearts together and throw away the key;" then they begin looking around for some old legal nail to pick the lock with.

LUCK in love consists in getting not the person you want, but the person who wants you. If you don't believe it try being married to somebody who is not in love with you.

A MAN'S idea of an engagement is a chance to find out whether or not he really enjoys kissing that particular girl.

IT'S not his understanding of the plot of the opera that makes a man appreciate it, but the "understanding" of the chorus ladies.

A MAN thinks that by marrying a woman he proves he loves her, and that therefore nothing more need ever be said about it.

THE average man looks on matrimony as a hitching post where he can tie a woman and leave her until he comes home nights.

THERE is nothing so uninteresting to a a man as a contentedly married woman.

A MAN'S sweethearts are like his cigars; he has many of each of them, loves each one as tenderly as the preceding, and appreciates each according to its expensiveness.

A HUSBAND can always find fault with his wife, but, then, even archangels could pick flaws in one another if they had to drink coffee at the same table every morning.

MATRIMONY is, like the weather, mighty uncertain, and the happiest people are those who are neither looking for storms nor banking on sunshine, but are just willing to go along sensibly and take what comes.

IT MAY mean nothing, but it's very mortifying to a woman when she takes her husband's dog for a walk and he tries to go into every corner saloon.

IT'S easier to hide your light under a bushel than to keep your shady side dark.

FUNNY how a married man who is trying to flirt with you always begins by telling you what a trying disposition his wife has.

IT'S harder to get around a husband without flattery than to get around Cape Horn without a compass.

A MAN marries a girl for what she is, and then invariably tries to make her over into something else which he thinks she ought to be.

WHEN an ordinary man does not smoke, drink, nor swear, be careful to find out what worse folly it is that he is addicted to.

A MAN gets his sentiment for a woman so mixed up with the brand of perfume she uses that half the time he doesn't know which is which.

HUSBANDS are like the pictures in the anti-fat advertisements – so different before and after taking.

THERE are moments when the meanest of women may feel a sisterly sympathy for her husband's first wife.

A WOMAN may have a great deal of difficulty getting married the first time, but after that it's easy, because where one man leads the others will follow like a flock of sheep.

THERE are so many ways of punishing a refractory wife that the husband who cannot find one is either a timid, mawkish creature or – a gentleman.

WHEN a lawyer is slow about getting a pretty woman her divorce it is because he wants a chance to make love to her before she is in a position to start a breach of promise suit.

SOME men feel that the only thing they owe the woman who marries them is a grudge.

BLUE BEARD isn't the only bridegroom who ever went to the altar with a closet full of dead loves on his conscience.

IT isn't what a man can see through the holes in a peek-a-boo waist that makes the garment attractive, but what he tries to see and can't.

A MAN who would turn up his nose at an overdone chop or an overdone biscuit will swallow an overdone compliment with the keenest relish.

TOBACCO and love and olives are all acquired tastes; your first smoke makes you sick, your first olive tastes bitter, and your first love affair makes you unhappy.