Violated: A Shocking and Harrowing Survival Story From the Notorious Rotherham Abuse Scandal

I’d never tried vodka before but I got the impression I didn’t have much say in the matter. We stopped at a local corner shop and there was a scruffy looking man stood outside, asking people if they had any spare change.

‘I just pay the smackheads to go in and get my booze,’ Nadine said.

I watched as she handed the man a handful of change – it couldn’t have been more than a pound in total, but he seemed happy.

‘What you after?’ he asked.

‘A litre bottle of vodka and two bottles of Coke,’ Nadine replied.

A few minutes later, the man reappeared with a blue carrier bag and we walked to the playground. The sun was beginning to set and it looked a bit different at night, without all the kids buzzing around.

‘Looks like it’s just us,’ Nadine said. I felt a surge of satisfaction as I realised she’d chosen to hang around with me, on my own.

Some people might find it shocking that all I wanted to do at eleven was mess about with older people and get drunk out of my head. Some girls my age were still playing with dolls. But back then I was so desperate to fit in, I’d have done anything to feel accepted. Plus, it wasn’t like we had much else to do. We could rarely afford cinema trips or fancy toys like some kids could, so we had to make our own entertainment somehow or go mad with boredom. In a town with lots of poverty and not much hope, drinking and taking drugs often seemed like the only option.

Nadine took a Coke bottle from the carrier bag and poured half of it onto the ground. It fizzed as it made a puddle at my feet. She then topped it up with vodka and handed it to me, before making one up for herself. I took a huge swig and it took everything in my power not to gag. The vodka was much stronger than the cheap cider I was used to. Even mixed with Coke, it tasted foul and burned my mouth. Nadine laughed so much she snorted.

‘You all right there?’ she said.

‘Yeah,’ I said, screwing up my face as I took another sip. ‘I just always drink cider, that’s all.’

‘It tastes minging at first,’ she admitted, gulping from her own bottle. ‘But you get used to it. And it gets you pissed faster.’

I figured that the more drunk I got, the less I’d be able to taste the vodka, so I necked my bottle as fast as I could and soon Nadine was topping me up again. But this time there was no Coke left so I had to drink the vodka on its own. It tasted even worse, but it didn’t stop me.

I quickly realised that Nadine was absolutely obsessed with boys. She was way more experienced than I’d imagined. Back then, it didn’t occur to me that she was still underage and that the men she spoke about were probably taking advantage of her. To me, it just seemed like she loved sex, and loved talking about it even more. At first, I thought the lads she said she’d slept with were in her class at school.

‘Who do you think the fittest lad round here is?’ she asked me. The vodka had made her pasty face flush red. I’d always been a bit of a tomboy and I’d never done anything more than hold hands with a boy – when I’d pretended to be going out with John back in East Dene when I was just six. I was still a kid and boyfriends were the last thing on my mind, so I just shrugged.

‘Come on, Sarah,’ she said, prodding me in the ribs. ‘You must fancy someone.’ She ran through the names of some boys we both knew, telling me who she thought was fit, who would be good in bed. I hoped the darkness hid the shock in my eyes. Of course, I knew the basic facts of life, but I didn’t need details. I was only eleven, for God’s sake.

‘I shouldn’t even be saying this,’ Nadine went on. ‘Not now I’ve got a boyfriend.’

‘Is he in your year at school?’ I asked.

‘Ha!’ Nadine replied. ‘No, he’s way older. He’s a great shag. Older guys are much better in bed.’

‘Oh, right,’ I said.

‘Just wait till you lose your virginity, Sarah,’ Nadine said. ‘You don’t know what you’re missing.’

When we’d finished the vodka it was time to go home. I stumbled when I tried to get up and Nadine snorted with laughter again.

‘You’re fucking smashed!’ she said.

Mum wasn’t home yet when I got in and Mark was watching telly in the living room.

‘You all right?’ he called after me.

‘Yeah,’ I said, trying to say as little as possible as I made my way upstairs. As usual, Laura was already asleep, and I passed out as soon as I climbed into bed. But a few hours later I woke up, my stomach churning violently. My head was pounding too. I could feel the vodka rising in my throat and I ran to the bathroom. I’d just opened the door when I vomited everywhere, not quite making it to the toilet bowl. Mum was home and in bed by this point, but she woke up as soon as she heard the commotion.

‘Sorry, Mum,’ I said. ‘I feel terrible.’

I thought she would catch on straight away – that she’d realise I’d been drinking with Nadine – but she seemed none the wiser.

‘Oh, you poor thing,’ she clucked sympathetically. ‘You must have a stomach bug. I’ll get this mess cleaned up and you go back to bed.’

The next morning, I could barely lift my head off the pillow. My mouth was dry and sticky and my head was still throbbing. Mum opened the curtains and sunlight poured through the window. It hurt my eyes so much I pulled the covers over my head. The vodka had given me a much worse hangover than I was used to with cider.

‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.

‘Terrible,’ I groaned. ‘I’m not going to school today.’

‘Probably a good idea,’ Mum said. ‘Best not to spread your germs.’

From then on, I chilled with Nadine most nights. I still saw Lynsey occasionally, but a few months after I met Nadine the council moved Elaine to another house. Lynsey and the boys went there sometimes, but by this point someone had told Mum that Elaine took cocaine all the time. She went mad, telling me I wasn’t allowed to help with her kids any more. Before, I’d have put up a fight, but now that I had Nadine to hang around with, I didn’t need my old mates so much. It sounds bad, but I was just a kid and all caught up in this new, exciting friendship.

Nadine would meet me at the pub or the park after school. Sometimes she’d invite some of her mates from school, but mainly it was just the two of us. Nadine would usually steal a bottle of spirits from behind a bar or help herself to some money from her mum’s purse so we could get someone to buy us cider, vodka or MD 20/20 – cheap fortified wine better known in these parts as ‘Mad Dog’. We’d drink anything, as long as it didn’t cost much and it got us pissed quickly.

I didn’t think it was a big deal that Nadine stole from people. I just thought it was cool that she had the guts and she never seemed to get caught. Her parents must have noticed money going missing, but she never mentioned it. As for the bottles of booze from the pub, the place was full of dodgy characters so Nadine was never the prime suspect any time Carole noticed something had disappeared.

Nadine and I didn’t do much apart from smoke and drink, either in the school playground or at the local park. It was all we had in common, really, but that didn’t seem to matter. There was nothing else to do anyway. The police would often drive past us and I’m sure they knew what we were up to, but they didn’t seem bothered. They probably thought we were just a nuisance and that stopping to tell us off was more hassle than it was worth. Most of the time Mum would still be working when I got home and Mark and Robert never said anything about my drinking. If Mum was in, I went straight to bed, hoping she wouldn’t notice I was slurring my words and unsteady on my feet.

The only nights I didn’t see Nadine were when she was with her boyfriend. She talked about him lots and said his name was Amir. I didn’t ask too many questions as I was scared of saying something silly. I knew nothing about having a proper, grown-up boyfriend. To me, it seemed years away. I wondered if I’d ever get to meet Amir, but I assumed Nadine was too embarrassed to introduce us. After all, he was even older than Nadine. She said he’d left school ages ago, so I guessed he must be seventeen, maybe even eighteen. She was probably scared I’d make her look babyish.

But one night, we were walking to the playground, clutching our bottles of cider, when Nadine’s mobile phone started buzzing in her pocket. Her face lit up when she glanced at the screen. Over her shoulder, I saw that Amir’s name had flashed up. The conversation was short.

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘See you soon.’ She hung up and a smile spread across her face.

‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘Oh, Amir’s going to come and chill with us,’ she replied. ‘He’s bringing some mates. You’ll like them.’

Chapter Four

The Nightmare Begins (#uf6f390fb-6ae1-51f4-9ad3-e3bed8942194)

When I first saw Amir and his friends standing in the playground, I was a bit confused. I recognised them straight away. There was a big group of Asian men who hung around outside my school, and I’d often seen them there at the end of the day. I’d never felt threatened by them, but I knew they were much older than I was. They must have been at least thirty.

‘Hey,’ Amir said casually, as Nadine and I pushed through the front gate. ‘Who’s this, then?’

I shot Nadine a bewildered look, but she pretended not to notice. Surely this couldn’t be her boyfriend? He almost looked old enough to be her dad. Plus, Nadine had told me he was really fit, and this guy just looked a bit scruffy. He was really short, with messy black hair and stubble that looked days old.

‘This is Sarah,’ Nadine said. I wasn’t sure why I felt uneasy as my eyes met Amir’s, but my stomach twisted uncomfortably.

‘Sarah,’ Amir echoed, taking a drag of the joint in his left hand. ‘I’m Amir. This is Rahim and Saif.’

I didn’t pay much attention to Saif, but Rahim wouldn’t stop looking at me. He was a bit scruffy too, but he was slightly better looking than Amir. If he hadn’t had a massive beard, he might even have been fit. Still, he made me feel weird. I wondered why he wouldn’t take his eyes off me and I wanted to tell him to stop, but I kept my mouth shut because I knew Nadine would tell me off if I showed her up.