Forever, With You

She was standing with Chantelle in the doorway of one of the loveliest rooms in the whole B&B. Daniel hovered behind them.

Emily watched as Chantelle’s expression turned to astonishment. Then Chantelle dropped Emily’s hand and paced slowly into the room, treading carefully as though she didn’t want to break or disturb anything. She went over to the large bed with its clean, crimson bedding and touched it with her fingertips, ever so lightly. Then she walked to the window and looked out over the gardens and out at the ocean twinkling over the tree tops. Emily and Daniel watched with bated breath as the little girl padded quietly around the room, gently picking up the lamp before setting it back down, then peering into the empty wardrobes.

“What do you think?” Emily asked. “We can paint the walls if you don’t want them white. Change the curtains. Put some of your pictures up on the wall.”

Chantelle turned. “I love it just the way it is. I can really have a bedroom?”

Emily felt Daniel stiffen beside her. She knew immediately what he was thinking: that Chantelle, at six years old, had never had her own bedroom before; that the life she had lived up until this moment had been fraught with hardship and tainted by neglect.

“You really can,” Emily said, smiling kindly. “Why don’t we unpack your stuff? Then it will really start to feel like your room.”

Chantelle nodded and they all went together to collect her things from the carriage house. But once there, Emily was shocked to discover that Chantelle had just one measly backpack.

“Where’s all her stuff?” she asked Daniel covertly as they headed back to the house.

“That’s all there was,” Daniel replied. “She had next to nothing at Sheila’s uncle’s house. I questioned Sheila and she said it had all been left behind when they got evicted.”

Emily tutted under her breath. It broke her heart to think about all the terrible things Chantelle had gone through in her short life. More than anything in the world, she wanted to make sure that the little girl now felt safe, that she had a chance to flourish and put the past behind her. Emily hoped that with love, patience, and stability, Chantelle would be able to recover from the awful start to her life.

Up in Chantelle’s new room, Emily hung the few items of clothing she owned onto hangers in the wardrobe. She had just two pairs of jeans, five shirts, and three sweaters. She didn’t even have enough socks to last a full week.

Chantelle helped unpack her underwear into one of the dresser drawers. “I’m so happy I have parents now,” Chantelle said.

Emily went and sat on the corner of the bed, eager to encourage Chantelle to open up. “I’m happy to have a lovely little girl like you to hang out with.”

Chantelle blushed. “Do you really want to hang out with me?”

“Of course!” Emily said, a little taken aback. “I can’t wait to take you down to the beach, to go out on the boat with you, to play board games and ball games together.”

“My mom never wanted to play with me,” Chantelle said, her voice small and meek.

Emily felt her heart breaking. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, trying not to let the pain in her heart be audible in her voice. “Well, you’ll be able to play all sorts of things now. What do you like to do?”

Chantelle just shrugged, and it occurred to Emily that her upbringing had been so stifling she couldn’t even think of fun things to do.

“Where did Daddy go?” she asked.

Emily looked over her shoulder and saw that Daniel had disappeared. She, too, was concerned.

“He probably just went to get more coffee,” Emily replied. “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we go into the attic to get some stuffed bears for your bedroom?”

She had carefully packed and stored all of her and Charlotte’s old toys from the room that had been boarded up after Charlotte’s death. Chantelle was a similar age to them when the room got closed off so plenty of the toys would be suitable for her.

Chantelle’s face lit up. “You have teddy bears in the attic?”

Emily nodded. “And dolls. They’re all up there having a picnic but I’m pretty sure they’d want another guest. Come on, I’ll show you the way.”

Emily took the little girl up to the third floor and then along the corridor. She pulled down the attic ladder. Chantelle looked up timidly.

“Want me to go first?” Emily asked. “Make sure there aren’t any spiders?”

Chantelle shook her head. “Nope. I’m not scared of spiders.” She sounded proud of herself.

They went up to the attic together and Emily showed her the box of old toys. “You can have anything you want out of there,” she said.

“Will Daddy come and play?” Chantelle asked.

Emily also wanted Daniel around. She wasn’t sure where he’d disappeared to, or why he’d gone. “Let me go ask him. You’ll be okay up here for a bit, right, since you’re not scared of spiders?”

Chantelle nodded and Emily left the little girl playing. She went down through the third and second floors looking for Daniel, then down to the ground floor. She found him in the kitchen standing by the coffee pot motionless.

“Are you okay?” Emily asked.

Daniel startled and then turned. “I’m sorry. I came down for coffee and just got completely overwhelmed by everything.” He looked at Emily and frowned. “I don’t know how to do this. To be a dad. I’m in way over my head.”

Emily walked up to him and lightly rubbed his arm. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“Just hearing her talk kills me. I wish I could have been there for her. Protected her from Sheila.”

Emily wrapped her arms around Daniel. “You can’t look back and worry about the past. All we can do now is make sure we do everything in our power to help her. It’s going to be great, I promise. You’re going to be a great dad.”

She could still feel some resistance in Daniel. She desperately wanted him to soften, to accept her embrace and be comforted from it, but something was stopping him.

“She’s already starting to ask questions,” he said. “She asked me why I never sent her birthday cards. I didn’t know what to say. I mean what can you possibly say to a six-year-old that they can understand?”

“I think we just have to be honest,” Emily said. “Secrets never help anyone.”

She thought of the poignancy of her words. Her father had kept secrets his entire life. Emily had only uncovered the tip of the iceberg since coming here.

Just then, Chantelle rushed into the kitchen. She was holding a large stuffed panda bear in her arms. He was almost as big as she was.

“Look, Daddy! Look!” she said, running up to Daniel.

Emily was shocked. She hadn’t seen the bear while tidying up Charlotte’s old bedroom. It must have been in the attic already. He’d been Charlotte’s favorite. She’d called him Andy the Pandy. Seeing him now sent a shard of pain racing through her body. She wondered how Chantelle had found him amongst all the boxes.

“What’s your bear’s name?” Daniel asked Chantelle, bending down so they were face to face.

“Andy Pandy,” Chantelle said with a grin.

Emily gripped the work surface with shock. Once again, she felt strongly that it was another sign from Charlotte, a reminder not to forget about her, that she was looking down on them from above.

“Hey, I have an idea,” Daniel said, breaking through her reverie. “Do you think Andy would like to go to a parade?”

“Yeah!” Chantelle cried.

Daniel looked up at Emily. “What do you think? Shall we all go to the Labor Day parade? Our first family outing?”

Referring to them as a family snapped Emily out of her stupor.