Finding Perfect

He didn’t look convinced. “Is it about the embryos?”

She closed her eyes and nodded. “I went to see them this morning.”

“How?”

“I drove to the lab and asked if I could see them.” She opened her eyes and sighed. “They said no.”

“Did that surprise you?”

“A little. I knew they were small but I thought maybe I could peek at them through a microscope or something.” She shifted in her seat, trying not to remember the incredulous look the lab guy had given her. As if she were an idiot.

“Apparently that’s not possible without thawing them. And if they’re thawed without being implanted, they die.” She drew in a breath. “When I explained why I wanted to see them, he gave me a bunch of info on IVF.”

“You told him about your friend?”

“Uh-huh. Then I read the material.” She pressed a hand to her stomach, hoping to ward off another wave of nausea. “Apparently the body has to be prepared.” She set the bottle on the table and used her fingers to indicate air quotes. “Which takes a whole lot more than a stern talking-to. An assortment of hormones are sent into my body. After that, there’s the implantation procedure.” She swallowed. “I won’t get into detail.”

“I appreciate that.”

She managed a slight smile. “Then you wait. Or I wait. In two weeks, I take a pregnancy test. With luck, there are babies.”

She felt the panic surging inside of her again. “I don’t understand. Why would she trust me with her children? Do you know that Jake can purr? He gets all fluffy and relaxed and purrs.”

“Jake’s a cat?” Raoul asked cautiously.

“Yes. I’ve had him over two months. He never purred for me. He barely even looked at me. Then he goes to Jo’s and purrs like his life depended on it. Which maybe to him it did.”

She shook her head. “I don’t get it. Crystal wanted those kids more than anything. After her husband was deployed to Iraq, she talked about getting pregnant when he got home. I went shopping with her and we looked at nursery furniture. She was so excited. After Keith died, she was still determined to be a mother. But that didn’t happen. Now I’m supposed to raise her children? And the whole in vitro thing. It’s not a hundred percent. Some or all of the embryos might not take. Which is a polite way of saying they’ll die. What if that’s my fault? What if there’s something wrong with me? What if they’re the same as Jake and they just plain don’t like me enough to hang on?”

She could feel herself slipping past panic and into full-on terror. She glanced at Raoul to see if he’d completely freaked out, only to find him staring at her. Intense staring, she thought, feeling a little awkward and exposed.

“TMI?” she asked softly. “Too much information?”

“You said Keith and Crystal.”

She nodded.

“Keith Westland?”

Now it was her turn to stare. “Yes. How did you know?”

He stood and walked the length of the office, then returned to stand in front of her. He was tall enough that it was uncomfortable to stare up at him. She stood.

“Raoul, what’s going on?”

“I know him,” he said flatly. “Knew him. Keith is a pretty common name, but he talked about his wife, Crystal. He talked about this town. That’s why I came here in the first place. He’s the reason I agreed to play in the celebrity golf tournament last year. I wanted to see where he’d grown up.”

“Wait a minute. How could you know Keith? Crystal never said anything.” Pia was reasonably confident that her friend would have mentioned being friends with someone like Raoul Moreno.

He looked out the window, as if he was remembering a long-ago event. “I was in Iraq. A few players go in the off-season. Just to hang with the troops. Help morale. That kind of thing. We were all assigned a soldier to keep us out of trouble. Keith was mine. We traveled all around the country, to the different bases. We bunked together, got shot at a few times. He saved my ass.”

Raoul rubbed his hands over his face. “That last day, we were heading for the airport. It was a big convoy. The players, a few VIPs, some politicians. There was an ambush. IEDs in the road, a couple of snipers in the hills. Keith was shot.” He shook his head. “I held him while he died. He couldn’t talk, couldn’t do anything but gasp for air. And then he was gone.”

She sank back into her chair. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t know.” Crystal hadn’t known, either.

“Reinforcements came and they helped us get home. When I got the invitation to the golf tournament, I came here. I guess to pay my respects to a place Keith had loved. I liked it, so I stayed.”

Pia hadn’t thought there would be any more surprises, but she’d been wrong.

He crouched in front of her. “I wanted to talk to Crystal, but I didn’t know what to say. I knew her husband all of two weeks and I was there when he died. Would that have comforted her?”

She felt his pain and lightly touched his shoulder. “The man she loved had died. I don’t think there was any comfort to be had.”

“I wondered if I’d taken the easy way out. I didn’t want to intrude or get involved.” He smiled faintly. “Now you’re responsible for Keith and Crystal’s babies.”

“Don’t remind me.”

He returned to his chair and stared at her. “You okay?”

“Trying to recover from the latest bombshell.” She winced. “Sorry. Bad word choice. Hearing that you knew Keith, that you were there when he died, feels oddly cosmic. Like the universe wants to make sure I have these babies.”

“You’re reading too much into it.”

“Am I? Don’t you think it’s just a little strange that we’re even having this conversation?”

“No. I moved to town because I met Keith. If he hadn’t been assigned to me, I never would have agreed to do the golf tournament and I wouldn’t be here, having this conversation with you.”

He made sense, but Pia still felt as if she was being pushed into a decision she wasn’t ready to make.

There was so much on the line. The three embryos meant she could have triplets. That was three babies. She had a tiny apartment. How could they all fit?

She grasped the water and held on as if the act of squeezing would prevent her from slipping over the edge. But after hearing about Raoul and Keith, even questioning the act of having the children seemed monumentally selfish.

“You don’t have to decide today,” he reminded her. “Or even this year.”

“I suppose. When I start to freak, I tell myself that I’m focusing on the wrong thing. This isn’t about me. It’s about Crystal and Keith and their children. Who am I to question whether or not I should have their children? Doesn’t that make me a bad person? Shouldn’t I already be on the hormones, buying cribs and reading that Expecting book everyone says is so great? If I was a good person, I wouldn’t be hesitating.”

Raoul stared into Pia’s hazel eyes, amazed by the kaleidoscope of emotions. She was possibly one of the most honest people he’d ever met. Crazy, but honest. Appealing, as well, but thinking she was hot wasn’t exactly appropriate.

Slowly, he took the water from her hands and set it on the table. Then he pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her.

“It’s okay,” he told her.

She stood rigid in his embrace. “No, it’s not.”

He continued to hold on, moving one hand up and down her spine, enjoying the feel of her body next to his. Not that he was going to do anything about it. “Take a deep breath. In and out. Come on. Breathe.”

She did as he requested. A little of the tension eased out of her.