Motherhood Without Parole

“Right. Sorry.” He sighed. “Guess I’m a little defensive when it comes to my parenting choices.”

She knew Lily had read him the riot act when he’d first sent the kids away, four months after Heather’s death. His contention was that he traveled a lot and the school would give them a first-rate education in a place not rife with reminders of their mom. He’d hoped they could heal there, make new friends. Lily had been furious, first losing her sister, then “losing” her niece and nephew. He’d even let it slip that his sister-in-law had once obliquely threatened in the heat of the moment to pursue custody if he couldn’t take care of his own kids, though she’d quickly and apologetically taken back the rash comment. Kate certainly couldn’t envision Lily and her husband housing two more children when they had four of their own.

After that, the arguing had ceased. But some of the resulting strain had endured.

Now the question of where the kids were educated was moot; Neve and PJ would be returning to Richmond, just as Lily wanted. Withdrawing them from the coming academic year at their private school had devastated Paul. He’d been remorseful enough over the business colleagues he’d hurt or could have hurt with neglectful stewardship of the company, but to once again upset the stability of his children’s lives…

Looking at the haunted eyes of the man she loved, Kate vowed to be the best stepmother possible. Realistically it was the only thing she could truly do to help Paul. For the next four to five months she was all the parent those children had.

Thank God kids were more resilient than tropical fish.

CHAPTER 2

Normally Lily Foster spent Saturday evenings folding the week’s laundry while watching rented movies with her younger kids and waiting for her older ones to meet curfew. Tonight she was pacing the kitchen that was so much larger, so much tidier, than her own. She hoped Kate didn’t mind her using her spare key, but under the circumstances, it had seemed the best idea.

Lily just wished she knew when the other woman would be home from her trip to the prison, but all she’d received when she’d tried Kate’s cell phone was an automated voice-mail response. Deciding not to explain the latest turn of events in a message, Lily had come to Paul’s house to wait. The kids needed to spend the night in their own beds, not Lily’s living room. Now that she was here, though, she felt uncertain and invasive.

If her big sister had lived, this place would have been Lily’s second home by now. It sucked that Heather hadn’t had more time to enjoy the house they’d bought after Paul’s last raise before leaving his former employer to hire on as CEO elsewhere. Heather should have had years, decades, to make this place her own, warm and inviting, to create memories. After the move, she’d complained about being tired, but it hadn’t slowed down her supermom schedule. When they’d all started to realize she was sick, they’d still been optimistic, not expecting anything as terrifyingly final as a late-stage cancer diagnosis.

The kettle on the stove began working its way toward a full-bodied burble, bags of Earl Grey ready and waiting next to an empty china cup. Lily’s mother-in-law was known to say that tea always helped in a crisis. Although Lily suspected tea leaves weren’t even going to make a dent in her worries about her family tonight, at least puttering around the kitchen gave her a small outlet for nervous energy.

Sometimes she expected the stress to come erupting out of her like steam from a teapot. As of today, her father was back in the hospital because of ongoing heart problems. Lily’s mother was a wreck, having never recovered truly from burying her child a few years ago. Please, God, let Dad bounce back from this. For all our sakes. Paul’s father had passed away before Neve was even born, but in the past five years the kids had lost both their paternal grandmother and their mother. Now, in a way, the children had lost Paul, too.

But gained a stepmother.

Neve still wouldn’t discuss that with her aunt, how she felt about Paul’s second marriage. Lily wished she and the children were closer, but it hadn’t been easy when she had four of her own to look after and Paul had sent Neve and PJ several states away. His own flesh and blood! When they were traumatized and no doubt needed him the most.

She shook her head, knowing that getting angry over what was past wouldn’t help anyone. But the frustration was there, bubbling beneath the surface. After all, she had promised Heather she’d look after the kids, take care of them like they were her own.

Paul loves his family, Heather had said, looking both frail and wise in her hospital bed, but he was so busy providing for us, working up to his success. He doesn’t know which stuffed animal is PJ’s favorite or how Neve loves brownies with macadamia nuts but not walnuts or peanuts. You’re a mom, you understand about the important day-to-day details he’s missed. He’ll need your help, Lil. Promise me you’ll be there for them.

When she’d made the vow, Lily hadn’t known her brother-in-law was going to bury his grief in work and ship his kids to the prestigious Newsome Academy, one of the best private schools in the country. Lily had taken the news that Paul was seeing someone again with mixed feelings. Obviously, as his first wife’s sister, it was difficult for her to see him with someone who wasn’t Heather. Then again, she’d known Heather wouldn’t have wanted him to live out his years miserable and lonely. So Lily had wished him well and silently hoped that the new woman in his life would help him bridge the ever-growing gap between him and his children. Or at least make him admit that there was one, that parenting wasn’t something that could be conveniently scheduled for holidays, summer and Spring Break.

Instead he’d picked Kate. Physically flawless übercareer-woman Kate who had no children of her own or previous marriages. Probably because she’d been working so hard on that career of hers. Just what the kids needed—two workaholic parents.

Lily didn’t resent the other woman’s beauty; Heather had been gorgeous in a personable, unaffected, I’m-not-afraid-of-laugh-lines way. It was more that Kate was so impeccable in attire, coiffure, mannerisms and composure that it was nearly impossible to relax around her. When they’d all gotten together for Paul’s last birthday, one look at Kate had made Lily aware that her hair had started sliding out of its ponytail in the car and that her trousers were sporting evidence of the family cats. Not to mention that Kate had all but admitted that it mystified her why any woman would choose to marry young and immediately have children when she could have gone to college and pursued a career, leaving her and Lily with almost no common ground over which to bond.

Her husband Bob’s voice played in her head. Give her a chance, Lil. But this wasn’t about Lily and whether or not she wanted to be buddies with the other woman. It was about Neve and PJ and what was best for them.

Lily had no doubt that if you wanted to plan a corporate takeover, Kate St. James was a good person to have on your side. Ditto planning a swanky dinner party and knowing which shoe designer was currently “hot.” But caring for two wounded children who’d already been hurt quite enough?

The teapot shrilled, causing her to jump.

She’d turned off the stove burner and was steeping tea when the automatic garage door raised, a mechanical shudder that vibrated through the kitchen. Kate was home.

Setting her cup on the kitchen island as the door swung open, Lily turned. “Hi. Hope my being in your kitchen unannounced didn’t startle you.”

“The car in the driveway tipped me off.” Kate smiled, but it didn’t warm her gaze. “I guess you came over to hear how Paul is doing?”

Lily would have called for that, not ambushed Kate in her own home after a long drive. “Not exactly. Mostly I’m here because of the kids.”

“Your kids?” Sounding confused, Kate settled into the closest kitchen chair.

“Paul’s kids. Neve and PJ.”

“Oh. Is there any chance we could talk about this tomorrow? Right now I just want to—”

“Neve and PJ are upstairs.”

The way the blood drained from Kate’s face wasn’t exactly endearing. If she was so freaked at the prospect of stepchildren, couldn’t she have found a guy who didn’t come with a ready-made family? But despite her telltale paleness, the woman’s expression didn’t alter by a single twitch or frown line. Either Kate redefined cool composure or there was BOTOX work in her past.

Feeling bitchy over the thought, Lily did penance by offering her sister-in-law a cup of tea.

Kate shook her head. “No, thank you. Just explain why the kids came back early. Are they okay?”

“They’re fine.” Physically, at least. Lily sat opposite Kate. “My father began experiencing bad chest pains early this morning. It might be nothing, but with two past heart attacks, no one wants to take chances. His doctor ordered some medical tests and temporary rest. With all that going on, Mom called me to ask if she could put Neve and PJ on an earlier flight. I picked them up this afternoon. I thought about letting them stay with my brood for the night, but Neve…well, it’s been a tumultuous year for the kids. She just wanted to come home.”

“It’s been a tumultuous year for everyone,” Kate agreed absently.

Yeah, but we have the luxury of being adults and not a confused preteen girl about to turn thirteen who won’t have either of her parents there to witness it. Knowing that her husband Bob would patiently cite this as the kind of judgmental observation Lily should keep to herself, she sipped her tea. She understood this past year had been rotten for Kate’s marriage. But when you were responsible for kids, they had to be your first concern.

Pushing back her chair, Kate rose. “If the kids are here, I’d better go talk to them.”

Well, she gets points for that. “PJ’s asleep already. He was practically snoring before I even turned off his light. Neve, last I knew, was reading in bed. I think it’s wonderful that you want to talk with her, but aside from popping in to tell her good-night, it might not be a bad idea to…give her some space.”

Kate arched a brow. “I haven’t seen her since before the trial. How much more space could I possibly give her?”

The edge of sarcasm in the woman’s voice was grating. “I’m not saying she’s logical, I’m saying she’s nearly thirteen. Having barely survived Brittney at that age, I know how moody they can be.”

For the past two years Neve had been polite when she came home, but another female could see the subdued resentment in her clear green eyes. Now, with the introduction of a stepmother and Paul’s arrest, Neve had become so surly and withdrawn that even her grandparents were commenting on her behavior. She probably couldn’t decide whether she was still angry about being sent to boarding school in the first place or pissed that she’d been yanked out of her familiar surroundings. She was likely mad about both, a seeming contradiction that was perfectly reasonable to a girl that age.

“I may not have daughters of my own,” Kate said stiffly, “but I was once a thirteen-year-old girl and am not completely clueless, believe it or not. Look, I appreciate your advice—”

“No, you don’t,” Lily said without heat. She was standing, too, suddenly aware of her defensive stance. Of course Kate wouldn’t appreciate people popping into her house uninvited and unexpected and telling her what to do. Lily wouldn’t either. “My heart was in the right place, though. Those kids mean the world to me.”

“They’re…important to me, as well.” The words came out so awkwardly that it was obvious Kate and the children were in for a bumpy ride. Had the forty-two-year-old career woman ever wanted to be a mother or had she merely made the concession because she’d fallen for a man who happened to be a father?

“I would be the worst stepmother on the planet,” Kate said, “if I came home and followed my original plan—which was a long soak in the whirlpool tub and a cold glass of sauvignon blanc—now that I know the kids are home. I’m not going to insist she open up to me or that we stay up braiding each other’s hair, but I have to say something to her. Why don’t you come, too? I’m sure you want to tell her good-night before taking off, and maybe your presence will keep it from being too uncomfortable.”

Lily appreciated the compromise, if not the subtle emphasis on taking off. “Happy to help in any way I can.” It wasn’t an empty offer but a vow she’d made and planned to keep.

People talked about running away to join the circus, but Neve St. James thought that was a stupid plan. She’d been to the zoo enough times to know elephants stunk royally. And even though she loved horseback riding, stables didn’t exactly smell like roses, either. So the reek factor alone was enough to dissuade her from the circus. Unless it was one of those du Soleil things, she mused, staring up at the circle-patterned plaster on her ceiling. Those circuses didn’t have animals. Then again, she didn’t have any freaky talents like being able to put her feet behind her ears.

She was stuck here.

Her first semester at the Newsome Academy she’d missed home so much she’d wanted to be curled up in this very room. Now that she was, it just felt…odd. What was the point? It had been her mom and dad she’d wanted, not the furniture and carpeting. Even knowing it was impossible, she’d desperately wanted to be a whole family again. Her dad, however, had wanted a fresh start.

She remembered clearly the night he’d shown her the academy brochures, nervous beneath his fake enthusiasm. “Look, you’d get to ride horses a lot there, Neve.”