The History of Troilus and Cressida

There is a law in each well-order'd nation
To curb those raging appetites that are
Most disobedient and refractory.
If Helen, then, be wife to Sparta's king-
As it is known she is-these moral laws
Of nature and of nations speak aloud
To have her back return'd. Thus to persist
In doing wrong extenuates not wrong,
But makes it much more heavy. Hector's opinion
Is this, in way of truth. Yet, ne'er the less,
My spritely brethren, I propend to you
In resolution to keep Helen still;
For 'tis a cause that hath no mean dependence
Upon our joint and several dignities.
TROILUS. Why, there you touch'd the life of our design.
Were it not glory that we more affected
Than the performance of our heaving spleens,
I would not wish a drop of Troyan blood
Spent more in her defence. But, worthy Hector,
She is a theme of honour and renown,
A spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds,
Whose present courage may beat down our foes,
And fame in time to come canonize us;
For I presume brave Hector would not lose
So rich advantage of a promis'd glory
As smiles upon the forehead of this action
For the wide world's revenue.
HECTOR. I am yours,
You valiant offspring of great Priamus.
I have a roisting challenge sent amongst
The dull and factious nobles of the Greeks
Will strike amazement to their drowsy spirits.
I was advertis'd their great general slept,
Whilst emulation in the army crept.
This, I presume, will wake him.

Exeunt

ACT II. SCENE 3. The Grecian camp. Before the tent of ACHILLES

Enter THERSITES, solus

THERSITES. How now, Thersites! What, lost in the labyrinth of
thy
fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats me, and
I
rail at him. O worthy satisfaction! Would it were otherwise:
that
I could beat him, whilst he rail'd at me! 'Sfoot, I'll learn
to
conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my
spiteful
execrations. Then there's Achilles, a rare engineer! If Troy
be
not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand
till
they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of
Olympus,
forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods, and, Mercury,
lose
all the serpentine craft of thy caduceus, if ye take not that
little little less-than-little wit from them that they have!
which short-arm'd ignorance itself knows is so abundant
scarce,
it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider
without
drawing their massy irons and cutting the web. After this,
the
vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the Neapolitan
bone-ache! for that, methinks, is the curse depending on
those
that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil
Envy
say 'Amen.' What ho! my Lord Achilles!

Enter PATROCLUS

PATROCLUS. Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and
rail.
THERSITES. If I could 'a rememb'red a gilt counterfeit, thou
wouldst not have slipp'd out of my contemplation; but it is
no
matter; thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind,
folly
and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! Heaven bless thee
from
a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be
thy
direction till thy death. Then if she that lays thee out says
thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't she
never
shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where's Achilles?
PATROCLUS. What, art thou devout? Wast thou in prayer?
THERSITES. Ay, the heavens hear me!
PATROCLUS. Amen.

Enter ACHILLES

ACHILLES. Who's there?
PATROCLUS. Thersites, my lord.