The First Part of King Henry the Fourth

Fal. Go to, I know you well enough.
Host. No, Sir John; you do not know me, Sir John. I know you,
Sir
John. You owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel
to
beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your
back.
Fal. Dowlas, filthy dowlas! I have given them away to bakers'
wives; they have made bolters of them.
Host. Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an
ell.
You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and
by-drinkings, and money lent you, four-and-twenty pound.
Fal. He had his part of it; let him pay.
Host. He? Alas, he is poor; he hath nothing.
Fal. How? Poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let
them
coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I'll not pay a
denier.
What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine
ease
in mine inn but I shall have my pocket pick'd? I have lost a
seal-ring of my grandfather's worth forty mark.
Host. O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how
oft,
that that ring was copper!
Fal. How? the Prince is a Jack, a sneak-cup. 'Sblood, an he
were
here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.

Enter the Prince [and Poins], marching; and Falstaff meets

them, playing upon his truncheon like a fife.

How now, lad? Is the wind in that door, i' faith? Must we all
march?
Bard. Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
Host. My lord, I pray you hear me.
Prince. What say'st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy
husband?
I love him well; he is an honest man.
Host. Good my lord, hear me.
Fal. Prithee let her alone and list to me.
Prince. What say'st thou, Jack?
Fal. The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras and
had my
pocket pick'd. This house is turn'd bawdy house; they pick
pockets.
Prince. What didst thou lose, Jack?
Fal. Wilt thou believe me, Hal? Three or four bonds of forty
pound
apiece and a seal-ring of my grandfather's.
Prince. A trifle, some eightpenny matter.
Host. So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say
so;
and, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a
foul-mouth'd
man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.
Prince. What! he did not?
Host. There's neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
Fal. There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor
no
more truth in thee than in a drawn fox; and for woman-hood,
Maid
Marian may be the deputy's wife of the ward to thee. Go, you
thing, go!
Host. Say, what thing? what thing?
Fal. What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.
Host. I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know
it!
I am an honest man's wife, and, setting thy knight-hood
aside,
thou art a knave to call me so.
Fal. Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say
otherwise.
Host. Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
Fal. What beast? Why, an otter.
Prince. An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?
Fal. Why, she's neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where
to
have her.
Host. Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man
knows
where to have me, thou knave, thou!
Prince. Thou say'st true, hostess, and he slanders thee most
grossly.
Host. So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you
ought
him a thousand pound.
Prince. Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
Fal. A thousand pound, Hal? A million! Thy love is worth a
million;
thou owest me thy love.
Host. Nay, my lord, he call'd you Jack and said he would cudgel
you.
Fal. Did I, Bardolph?
Bard. Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
Fal. Yea. if he said my ring was copper.
Prince. I say, 'tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word
now?