Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Vol. 66, No 405, July 1849

Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Vol. 66, No 405, July 1849
Various

Various

Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Vol. 66, No 405, July 1849

CHRISTOPHER UNDER CANVASS

Encampment at Cladich. Time – Eleven, A.M.

SCENE – The Portal of the Pavilion.

North – Buller – Seward.

BULLER.

I know there is nothing you dislike so much as personal observations —

NORTH.

On myself to myself – not at all on others.

BULLER.

Yet I cannot help telling you to your face, sir, that you are one of the finest-looking old men —

NORTH.

Elderly gentlemen, if you please, sir.

BULLER.

In Britain, in Europe, in the World. I am perfectly serious, sir. You are.

NORTH.

You needed not to say you were perfectly serious: for I suffer no man to be ironical on Me, Mr Buller. I am.

BULLER.

Such a change since we came to Cladich! Seward was equally shocked, with myself, at your looks on board the Steamer. So lean – so bent – so sallow – so haggard – in a word – so aged!

NORTH.

Were you shocked, Seward?

SEWARD.

Buller has such a blunt way with him that he often makes me blush. I was not shocked, my dear sir, but I was affected.

BULLER.

Turning to me, he said in a whisper, "What a wreck!"

NORTH.

I saw little alteration on you, Mr Seward; but as to Buller, it was with the utmost difficulty I could be brought, by his reiterated asseverations, into a sort of quasi-belief in his personal identity; and even now, it is far from amounting to anything like a settled conviction. Why, his face is twice the breadth it used to be – and so red! It used to be narrow and pale. Then what a bushy head – now, cocker it as he will, bald. In figure was he not slim? Now, stout's the word. Stout – stout – yes, Buller, you have grown stout, and will grow stouter – your doom is to be fat – I prophesy paunch —

BULLER.

Spare me – spare me, sir. Seward should not have interrupted me – 'twas but the first impression – and soon wore off – those Edinboro' people have much to answer for – unmercifully wearing you out at their ceaseless soirées– but since you came to Cladich, sir, Christopher's Himself again – pardon my familiarity – nor can I now, after the minutest inspection, and severest scrutiny, detect one single additional wrinkle on face or forehead – nay, not a wrinkle at all – not one – so fresh of colour, too, sir, that the irradiation is at times ruddy – and without losing an atom of expression, the countenance absolutely – plump. Yes, sir, plump's the word – plump, plump, plump.

NORTH.

Now you speak sensibly, and like yourself, my dear Buller. I wear well.

BULLER.

Your enemies circulated a report —

NORTH.

I did not think I had an enemy in the world.

BULLER.

Your friends, sir, had heard a rumour – that you had mounted a wig.

NORTH.

And was there, among them all, one so weak-minded as to believe it? But to be sure, there are no bounds to the credulity of mankind.

BULLER.

That you had lost your hair – and that, like Sampson —

NORTH.

And by what Delilah had my locks been shorn?

SEWARD.

It all originated, I verily believe, sir, in the moved imagination of the Pensive Public:

"Res est soliciti plena timoris Amor."

NORTH.

Buller, I see little, if any – no change whatever – on you, since the days of Deeside – nor on you, Seward. Yes, I do. Not now, when by yourselves; but when your boys are in Tent, ah! then I do indeed – a pleasant, a happy, a blessed change! Bright boys they are – delightful lads – noble youths – and so are my Two – emphasis on my—