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Bentley's Miscellany, Volume II
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(Door opens. Mags peeps in.)
Mags.– She's quite alone. Oh, happy Matthew Mags!
(Maid-servant enters.)
Maid.– A chap's below who says he's Samuel Snags.
Mags.– I'm a done man; for that 'ere cove will blow me.
Miss S.– Follow me in, and I will safely stow ye.
(Enter Snags.)
Snags.– Divine Miss Smashaway, I humbly kneel
To plead a passion you can never feel;
A smile will save, a frown as surely kill,
One who for you has robb'd his master's till.
Miss S.– Well, after that the man deserves some pity. —
Knocking again! and here comes my maid Kitty.
(Enter Maid.)
Maid.– One Mr. Poppleton.
Miss S. Was ever one so courted?
Snags.– All's up with me; for life I'll be transported!
Ma'am, could you save a lover?
Miss S. Let me see.
Oh, yes; the bed will surely cover three.
(Puts Snags into bed-chamber. Enter Poppleton.)
Pop.– Where is my charmer?
(Enter Maid, hastily.)
Maid (to Pop.) Sir, you're dead as mutton;
The Captain's come. Your life's not worth a button.
Pop.– Where shall I hide?
Miss S. (to the Maid.) Put him with t'other three;
They're the same firm, "Clipclose and company."
(A heavy footstep is heard, and a sword strikes against the stairs. Enter the Captain, whistling "Darby Kelly.")
Miss S. (flies into his arms.) – My own loved Guardsman, and my fancy beau.
Oh, Terence Connor! (Kissing him.)
Capt. (embracing her.) – Sweet Juliana, O!
Miss S.– Why did you dally, dearest; tell me all?
Were you on guard?
Capt. Yes, sweetest, at Whitehall.
Miss S.– Ah, you false man, – (taps his cheek playfully,) – I'll watch you close.
(Somebody sneezes within.)
Capt. What's that?
Miss S.– Nothing, dear Terence, but the landlord's cat.
(Somebody coughs twice.)
Capt.– A cough! – another! Do cats cough so, my fair?
Ha! her cheeks redden! Tell me who is there?
That guilty look! Zounds! If my fears be true,
He'll curse the hour he dared to visit you!
(Draws his sword, and rushes into the bed-chamber. Miss S. faints. Voices within.)
Capt.– A man! – my eyes! another! – and another!
A fourth one still!
Snags. I'm dead with fright!
Pop. I smother!
(Capt. drives them before him into the drawing-room.)
Capt. (in a frenzy.) – Why, hell and Tommy! the maid whom I adore
To prove untrue, and play me false with four!
But all shall die!
(Captain Connor cuts No. 6. with his sword, while Clipclose and company fall upon their knees.)
Mags. Oh, Lord! I'm dead already!
Capt.– Prepare for death!
Snags and Pop. Indeed, sir, we an't ready.
Mr. C.– Probably, sir, affection for my wife
Might plead my pardon, and reprieve my life.
(Enter, hastily, Mrs. Clipclose and Annette.)
Mrs. C.– Why, what's all this? What do my eyes discover?
An errant husband, and a truant lover!
(Aside to Mr. C.) – Was it for this I gave my faith to you?
(Aside to Capt. C.) – Was it for this I drove you out to Kew,
Paid cab and lunch, brown stout, and ruin blue?
(Capt. C. drops the point of his sword, and evinces great contrition for attempting the lives of the company, when enter an elderly pieman with a juvenile dealer in "all-hots," attended by two policemen. Pieman identifies Miss Smashaway.)
Pieman.– That 'ere flash madam hit me in the withers.
All-hot (pointing to Mr. Clipclose).– And that cove knock'd my kitchen-range to shivers!
Mr. C. (to Policeman.) – Let me explain, sir.
Miss S. Pray, sir, let me speak.
Policeman.– Silence! and keep your gammon for the beak.
Mags.– She's quite alone. Oh, happy Matthew Mags!
(Maid-servant enters.)
Maid.– A chap's below who says he's Samuel Snags.
Mags.– I'm a done man; for that 'ere cove will blow me.
Miss S.– Follow me in, and I will safely stow ye.
(Enter Snags.)
Snags.– Divine Miss Smashaway, I humbly kneel
To plead a passion you can never feel;
A smile will save, a frown as surely kill,
One who for you has robb'd his master's till.
Miss S.– Well, after that the man deserves some pity. —
Knocking again! and here comes my maid Kitty.
(Enter Maid.)
Maid.– One Mr. Poppleton.
Miss S. Was ever one so courted?
Snags.– All's up with me; for life I'll be transported!
Ma'am, could you save a lover?
Miss S. Let me see.
Oh, yes; the bed will surely cover three.
(Puts Snags into bed-chamber. Enter Poppleton.)
Pop.– Where is my charmer?
(Enter Maid, hastily.)
Maid (to Pop.) Sir, you're dead as mutton;
The Captain's come. Your life's not worth a button.
Pop.– Where shall I hide?
Miss S. (to the Maid.) Put him with t'other three;
They're the same firm, "Clipclose and company."
(A heavy footstep is heard, and a sword strikes against the stairs. Enter the Captain, whistling "Darby Kelly.")
Miss S. (flies into his arms.) – My own loved Guardsman, and my fancy beau.
Oh, Terence Connor! (Kissing him.)
Capt. (embracing her.) – Sweet Juliana, O!
Miss S.– Why did you dally, dearest; tell me all?
Were you on guard?
Capt. Yes, sweetest, at Whitehall.
Miss S.– Ah, you false man, – (taps his cheek playfully,) – I'll watch you close.
(Somebody sneezes within.)
Capt. What's that?
Miss S.– Nothing, dear Terence, but the landlord's cat.
(Somebody coughs twice.)
Capt.– A cough! – another! Do cats cough so, my fair?
Ha! her cheeks redden! Tell me who is there?
That guilty look! Zounds! If my fears be true,
He'll curse the hour he dared to visit you!
(Draws his sword, and rushes into the bed-chamber. Miss S. faints. Voices within.)
Capt.– A man! – my eyes! another! – and another!
A fourth one still!
Snags. I'm dead with fright!
Pop. I smother!
(Capt. drives them before him into the drawing-room.)
Capt. (in a frenzy.) – Why, hell and Tommy! the maid whom I adore
To prove untrue, and play me false with four!
But all shall die!
(Captain Connor cuts No. 6. with his sword, while Clipclose and company fall upon their knees.)
Mags. Oh, Lord! I'm dead already!
Capt.– Prepare for death!
Snags and Pop. Indeed, sir, we an't ready.
Mr. C.– Probably, sir, affection for my wife
Might plead my pardon, and reprieve my life.
(Enter, hastily, Mrs. Clipclose and Annette.)
Mrs. C.– Why, what's all this? What do my eyes discover?
An errant husband, and a truant lover!
(Aside to Mr. C.) – Was it for this I gave my faith to you?
(Aside to Capt. C.) – Was it for this I drove you out to Kew,
Paid cab and lunch, brown stout, and ruin blue?
(Capt. C. drops the point of his sword, and evinces great contrition for attempting the lives of the company, when enter an elderly pieman with a juvenile dealer in "all-hots," attended by two policemen. Pieman identifies Miss Smashaway.)
Pieman.– That 'ere flash madam hit me in the withers.
All-hot (pointing to Mr. Clipclose).– And that cove knock'd my kitchen-range to shivers!
Mr. C. (to Policeman.) – Let me explain, sir.
Miss S. Pray, sir, let me speak.
Policeman.– Silence! and keep your gammon for the beak.
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Последний отзыв
Так получилось, что книга ко мне попала в тяжелый эмоциональный кризис и многое мне дала. Написано актуально, тут многих полезных вещей, никакого злоу...
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