The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men

Proclaims her Chastity to all the Town.

The Twelfth Comfort, &c

Some are so fond, so blinded in their Choice,
That they are ravish'd with their beautious Prize;
In such a case the young unthinking Sot,
Boasts what a handsome Genteel Wife he'as got,
Doates on her Face, commends her Shape and Air,
And thinks her Virtuous beyond compare:
When all the time she plays her Pranks unknown,
And with her Gallant rambles up and down;
[*?]y, brings him home, while the poor Husband's sent
On some Fools Errand, she has her content:
At length he finds her out, but dare not speak,
But bears all calmly for his Honour's sake.

The Thirteenth Comfort of Matrimony

This Married to some Beauty of Renown, }
Whose Business often keeps him out of Town; }
But the good Woman cannot lie alone: }
While the poor Lawyer's stating o'er the Case,
She finds another to supply his Place;
And proving pregnant, reckons up the Time,
Lest the Sot Husband shou'd suspect her Crime.
She swallows Drugs and Poysons ev'ry day,
To bring the Child before its time away;
This she performs so often, and is Sick,
That he at length begins to smoak the Trick;
Next time he keeps account, and plains it is,
He swears point-blank the Child is none of his.

The Fourteenth Comfort of Matrimony

The next a Widow thinks it best to Wed,
And takes the knowing Matron to his Bed,
A while he quenches her insatiate Fire,
But in a little times begins to tire,
The Lady soon the difference can find,
And truly very plainly speaks her Mind,
She twits him of the good departed Man,
Whose like, she says, She ne'er shall see again,
He never left me in a Morning so,
But took a parting Kiss before he'd go;
And get me some Good Thing for Breakfast too:
Well, he a dear kind Husband was to me,
But now my Days are spent in Misery.

The Fifteenth Comfort of Matrimony

Last, and not least of all these Comforts is,
The Man that's Wedded unto some Disease,
A peevish, crazy, and a sickly Wife,
The Burthen and the Nusance of his Life;
Her Bed, the meer resemblance of a Tomb,
And an Apothecarys Shop her Room;
Coughing and Spitting all the Night she lies,
A very Antidote to Marriage Joys:
Yet the poor Man must bear with all these Ills,
Besides the Excessive Charge of Physick Bills,
A Nurse, fine Cordials, and a hundred things,
Until his Substance she to little brings,
Till may be she at length resigns to Death,
The only Comfort he cou'd hope on Earth.

FINIS

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THE BATCHELORS AND MAIDS ANSWER TO THE FIFTEEN COMFORTS OF MATRIMONY

BEING

Real Encouragements for all Single Persons of both Sexes to Marry as soon as ever they can get Wives and Husbands, in order to avoid the danger of leading Apes in Hell; with sutable Directions for that purpose

Dedicated to Married Men and Women

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The Batchelors and Maids Answer to the Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony

Answer to the First Mock Comfort

But why shou'd Marriage render Man undone?
When nothing's like it underneath the Sun.
True Pleasures in the Marriage-Bed alone,
Real Joys without it never yet was known.
The Charming Bliss in Wedlock chiefly lies,
A Single Life all Honest Men despise,
What greater Comfort can on Earth be found,
When two True Hearts are both together Crown'd.
All other Pleasures are but Pains to this,
A Married Couple only, finds the Bliss.