Harper's New Monthly Magazine, No. XXVII, August 1852, Vol. V

"Vot of it? – here's the blunt," said the sailor, handing the driver a three-dollar note.

"I can't change it," said the latter.

"Well, never mind!" rejoined the tar; "this will make it right!"

The sudden crash of the other window told the driver in what manner the "change" had been made!

Some bachelor-reader, pining in single-blessedness, may be induced, by the perusal of the ensuing parody upon Romeo's description of an apothecary, to "turn from the error of his way" of life, and both confer and receive "reward:"

"I do remember an old Bachelor,
And hereabout he dwells; whom late I noted
In suit of sables, with a care-worn brow,
Conning his books; and meagre were his looks;
Celibacy had worn him to the bone;
And in his silent chamber hung a coat,
The which the moths had used not less than he.
Four chairs, one table, and an old hair trunk,
Made up 'the furniture;' and on his shelves
A greasy candle-stick; a broken mug,
Two tables, and a box of old cigars;
Remnants of volumes, once in some repute,
Were thinly scattered round, to tell the eye
Of prying strangers, "This man had no wife!"
His tattered elbow gaped most piteously;
And ever as he turned him round; his skin
Did through his stockings peep upon the day.
Noting his gloom, unto myself I said:
'And if a man did covet single life,
Reckless of joys that matrimony gives,
Here lives a gloomy wretch would show it him
In such most dismal colors, that the shrew,
Or slut, or idiot, or the gossip spouse,
Were each an heaven, compared to such a life!'"

"There are always two sides to a question," the bachelor-"defendant" may affirm, in answer to this; and possibly himself try a hand at a contrast-parody.

There are a good many proverbs that will not stand a very close analysis; and some one who is of this way of thinking has selected a few examples, by way of illustration. The following are specimens:

"The more the merrier." – Not so, "by a jug-full," one hand, for example, is quite enough in a purse.

"He that runs fastest gets most ground." – Not exactly; for then footmen would get more than their masters.

"He runs far who never turns." – "Not quite: he may break his neck in a short course.

"No man can call again yesterday." – Yes, he may call till his heart ache, though it may never come.

"He that goes softly goes safely." – Not among thieves.

"Nothing hurts the stomach more than surfeiting." – Yes; lack of meat.

"Nothing is hard to a willing mind." – Surely; for every body is willing to get money, but to many it is hard.

"None so blind as those that will not see." – Yes; those who can not see.

"Nothing but what is good for something." – "Nothing" isn't good for any thing.

"Nothing but what has an end." – A ring hath no end; for it is round.

"Money is a great comfort." – But not when it brings a thief to the State Prison.

"The world is a long journey." – Not always; for the sun goes over it every day.

"It is a great way to the bottom of the sea." – Not at all; it is merely "a stone's throw."

"A friend is best found in adversity." – "No, sir;" for then there are none to be found.

"The pride of the rich makes the labor of the poor." – By no manner of means. The labor of the poor makes the pride of the rich.

The following lines, accompanying a trifling present, are not an unworthy model for those who wish to say a kind word in the most felicitous way:

"Not want of heart, but want of art
Hath made my gift so small;
Then, loving heart, take hearty love,
To make amends for all.
Take gift with heart, and heart with gift,
Let will supply my want;
For willing heart, nor hearty will,
Nor is, nor shall be scant."

Please to observe how adroitly an unforced play upon words is embodied in these eight lines.

There is "more truth than poetry" in the subjoined Extract from a Modern Dictionary.

The Grave.– An ugly hole in the ground, which lovers and poets very often wish they were in, but at the same time take precious good care to keep out of.

Constable.– A species of snapping-turtle.

Modesty.– A beautiful flower, that flourishes only in secret places.

Lawyer.– A learned gentleman who rescues your estate from the hands of your opponent, and keeps it himself.

"My Dear."– An expression used by man and wife at the commencement of a quarrel.

"Joining Hands" in Matrimony.– A custom arising from the practice of pugilists shaking hands before they begin to fight.

"Watchman."– A man employed by the corporation to sleep in the open air.

Laughter.– A singular contortion of the human countenance, when a friend, on a rainy day, suddenly claims his umbrella.