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A Satire Anthology
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Год написания книги
2017
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And men who did his work, from Cain
To Viscount Castlereagh!
Thomas Kibble Hervey.
From “The Devil’s Progress.”
HOW TO MAKE A NOVEL
TRY with me, and mix what will make a novel,
All hearts to transfix in house or hall or hovel:
Put the caldron on, set the bellows blowing;
We’ll produce anon something worth the showing.
Never mind your plot – ’tisn’t worth the trouble;
Throw into the pot what will boil and bubble.
Character’s a jest – what’s the use of study?
All will stand the test that’s black enough and bloody.
Here’s the Newgate Guide, here’s the Causes Célèbres;
Tumble in, besides, pistol, gun, and sabre;
These police reports, those Old Bailey trials,
Horrors of all sorts, to match the Seven Vials.
Down into a well, lady, thrust your lover;
Truth, as some folks tell, there he may discover;
Step-dames, sure though slow, rivals of your daughters.
Bring, as from below, Styx and all its waters.
Crime that breaks all bounds, bigamy and arson,
Poison, blood, and wounds, will carry well the farce on;
Now it’s just in shape; yet, with fire and murder,
Treason, too, and rape might help it all the further.
Or, by way of change, in your wild narration,
Choose adventures strange of fraud and personation;
Make the job complete; let your vile assassin
Rob, and forge, and cheat, for his victim passin’.
Tame is virtue’s school; paint, as more effective,
Villain, knave, and fool, with always a detective;
Hate for love may sit; gloom will do for gladness;
Banish sense and wit, and dash in lots of madness.
Stir the broth about, keep the furnace glowing;
Soon we’ll pour it out, in three bright volumes flowing:
Some may jeer and jibe; we know where the shop is
Ready to subscribe for a thousand copies.
Lord Charles Neaves.
TWO CHARACTERS
THAN Lord de Vaux there’s no man sooner sees
Whatever at a glance is visible;
What is not, he can never see at all.
Quick-witted is he, versatile, seizing points,
He’ll see them all successively, distinctly,
But never solving questions. Vain he is;
It is his pride to see things on all sides;
Which best to do he sets them on their corners.
Present before him arguments by scores,
Bearing diversely on the affair in hand,
Yet never two of them can see together,
Or gather, blend, and balance what he sees
To make up one account; a mind it is
Accessible to reason’s subtlest rays,
And many enter there, but none converge;
It is an army with no general,
An arch without a key-stone. Then the other,
Good Martin Blondel-Vatre: he is rich
In nothing else but difficulties and doubts.
You shall be told the evil of your scheme,
But not the scheme that’s better. He forgets
That policy, expecting not clear gain,
Deals ever in alternatives. He’s wise
In negatives, is skilful at erasures,
Expert in stepping backward, an adept
At auguring eclipses. But admit
His apprehensions, and demand, what then?
And you shall find you’ve turned the blank leaf over.
Henry Taylor.
THE SAILOR’S CONSOLATION
ONE night came on a hurricane,
The sea was mountains rolling,
When Barney Buntline turned his quid,
And said to Billy Bowling:
“A strong nor’-wester’s blowing, Bill —
Hark! don’t ye hear it roar now?
Lord help ’em! how I pities all
Unhappy folks on shore now!
“Foolhardy chaps who live in town —
What danger they are all in,
And now are quaking in their beds,
For fear the roof should fall in.
Poor creatures! how they envies us,
And wishes, I’ve a notion,
For our good luck, in such a storm
To Viscount Castlereagh!
Thomas Kibble Hervey.
From “The Devil’s Progress.”
HOW TO MAKE A NOVEL
TRY with me, and mix what will make a novel,
All hearts to transfix in house or hall or hovel:
Put the caldron on, set the bellows blowing;
We’ll produce anon something worth the showing.
Never mind your plot – ’tisn’t worth the trouble;
Throw into the pot what will boil and bubble.
Character’s a jest – what’s the use of study?
All will stand the test that’s black enough and bloody.
Here’s the Newgate Guide, here’s the Causes Célèbres;
Tumble in, besides, pistol, gun, and sabre;
These police reports, those Old Bailey trials,
Horrors of all sorts, to match the Seven Vials.
Down into a well, lady, thrust your lover;
Truth, as some folks tell, there he may discover;
Step-dames, sure though slow, rivals of your daughters.
Bring, as from below, Styx and all its waters.
Crime that breaks all bounds, bigamy and arson,
Poison, blood, and wounds, will carry well the farce on;
Now it’s just in shape; yet, with fire and murder,
Treason, too, and rape might help it all the further.
Or, by way of change, in your wild narration,
Choose adventures strange of fraud and personation;
Make the job complete; let your vile assassin
Rob, and forge, and cheat, for his victim passin’.
Tame is virtue’s school; paint, as more effective,
Villain, knave, and fool, with always a detective;
Hate for love may sit; gloom will do for gladness;
Banish sense and wit, and dash in lots of madness.
Stir the broth about, keep the furnace glowing;
Soon we’ll pour it out, in three bright volumes flowing:
Some may jeer and jibe; we know where the shop is
Ready to subscribe for a thousand copies.
Lord Charles Neaves.
TWO CHARACTERS
THAN Lord de Vaux there’s no man sooner sees
Whatever at a glance is visible;
What is not, he can never see at all.
Quick-witted is he, versatile, seizing points,
He’ll see them all successively, distinctly,
But never solving questions. Vain he is;
It is his pride to see things on all sides;
Which best to do he sets them on their corners.
Present before him arguments by scores,
Bearing diversely on the affair in hand,
Yet never two of them can see together,
Or gather, blend, and balance what he sees
To make up one account; a mind it is
Accessible to reason’s subtlest rays,
And many enter there, but none converge;
It is an army with no general,
An arch without a key-stone. Then the other,
Good Martin Blondel-Vatre: he is rich
In nothing else but difficulties and doubts.
You shall be told the evil of your scheme,
But not the scheme that’s better. He forgets
That policy, expecting not clear gain,
Deals ever in alternatives. He’s wise
In negatives, is skilful at erasures,
Expert in stepping backward, an adept
At auguring eclipses. But admit
His apprehensions, and demand, what then?
And you shall find you’ve turned the blank leaf over.
Henry Taylor.
THE SAILOR’S CONSOLATION
ONE night came on a hurricane,
The sea was mountains rolling,
When Barney Buntline turned his quid,
And said to Billy Bowling:
“A strong nor’-wester’s blowing, Bill —
Hark! don’t ye hear it roar now?
Lord help ’em! how I pities all
Unhappy folks on shore now!
“Foolhardy chaps who live in town —
What danger they are all in,
And now are quaking in their beds,
For fear the roof should fall in.
Poor creatures! how they envies us,
And wishes, I’ve a notion,
For our good luck, in such a storm
Другие электронные книги автора Carolyn Wells
Последний отзыв
Книга дельная. Без воды, приводятся реальные кейсы и способы их разрешения. Много практичных полезных советов и методик. Кое-что уже испробовала в дел...
Далее