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A Satire Anthology
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Год написания книги
2017
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The country disregards them all, and where they fear to tread,
Adventurous John Jenkins rushes boldly in instead,
And kindly (in the intervals of literary cares)
Instructs a grateful nation how to manage its affairs!
So, for all youthful authors who are anxious to succeed,
The moral of John Jenkins is – well, he who runs may read.
Anthony C. Deane.
A CERTAIN CURE
WHEN I look at my diligent neighbours,
Each wholly convinced in his mind
That the fruit of his personal labours
Will be the reform of mankind,
When I notice the bland satisfaction
That brightens the features of each —
Commendably prudent in action,
Though mighty in speech —
Observing by dint of persistence
What wide reputation they gain,
The clew to a happy existence
Is rendered increasingly plain,
Because the self-satisfied feeling
I covet may quickly be had
By any one owning (or stealing)
A suitable fad.
Shall I hotly oppose Vivisection?
Grow warm on the Drainage of Flats?
Or strive for the Better Protection
Of Commons, Cathedrals, or Cats?
Perhaps in orations that thrill, I
For freedom (and fever) will fight —
A portion of small-pox bacilli
Is simply our right!
However, the choice is a detail;
Whatever the fad be about,
To trade in it, wholesale and retail,
To preach it, in season and out,
And so to be reckoned a leader
(Although there be little to lead),
Yes, that’s, O incredulous reader,
The way to succeed!
You find that existence is hollow,
The fight for position is hard.
A remedy? Yes, if you’ll follow
This way, to the fad-monger’s yard:
Come, here is a hobby – astride it
You settle; I tighten the girth —
So-off, and good-luck to you! Ride it
For all it is worth!
Anthony C. Deane.
THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE
A FRAGMENT FROM AN UNPUBLISHED EPIC
HERE, my Amanda, let us seat ourselves;
Here let us banish sorrow from our minds,
By contemplating the delightful view
Which stretches all around us. And what joy
To be reminded thus, though far from town,
Of that which glorifies our native land,
Our British Trade! Gaze first at yonder wood:
On every tree is tastefully inscribed
In scarlet letters, “Use Niagara Soap!”
Turn to those meadows (at no distant date
But one uninteresting plain of grass),
Each bears a dozen hoardings, striking, bright,
Decked in resplendent variegated hues,
Telling the reader that Excelsior Pills
Cure influenza; that Brown’s Tea is best,
And costs no more than one-and-six the pound;
And that the purchaser, who fain would quaff
Smith’s special brand of Sherry, must beware
Of spurious imitations. On that hill
A grand gigantic sky-sign testifies
To Johnson’s Hair Renewer; and beyond
You catch a glimpse of ocean, where the boats
Proclaim the message, painted on their sails:
“Robbinson’s Boots are Warranted to Wear!”
Oh, does not such a view delight the heart?
Yea, soon the time will come when every inch
Of England shall display advertisements;
When newly taught, the birds shall add their notes
To the glad chorus, “Buy Pomponia Paste!”
The nightingale shall sing, and all the glade
Echo her music – “Buy Pomponia Paste!”
How great a debt of thankfulness we owe
To these the benefactors of our time,
Who both contribute to the human race
Productions to our ancestors unknown,
And also glorify each rural scene
By the announcements of their excellence!
And how we pity those of olden time
Adventurous John Jenkins rushes boldly in instead,
And kindly (in the intervals of literary cares)
Instructs a grateful nation how to manage its affairs!
So, for all youthful authors who are anxious to succeed,
The moral of John Jenkins is – well, he who runs may read.
Anthony C. Deane.
A CERTAIN CURE
WHEN I look at my diligent neighbours,
Each wholly convinced in his mind
That the fruit of his personal labours
Will be the reform of mankind,
When I notice the bland satisfaction
That brightens the features of each —
Commendably prudent in action,
Though mighty in speech —
Observing by dint of persistence
What wide reputation they gain,
The clew to a happy existence
Is rendered increasingly plain,
Because the self-satisfied feeling
I covet may quickly be had
By any one owning (or stealing)
A suitable fad.
Shall I hotly oppose Vivisection?
Grow warm on the Drainage of Flats?
Or strive for the Better Protection
Of Commons, Cathedrals, or Cats?
Perhaps in orations that thrill, I
For freedom (and fever) will fight —
A portion of small-pox bacilli
Is simply our right!
However, the choice is a detail;
Whatever the fad be about,
To trade in it, wholesale and retail,
To preach it, in season and out,
And so to be reckoned a leader
(Although there be little to lead),
Yes, that’s, O incredulous reader,
The way to succeed!
You find that existence is hollow,
The fight for position is hard.
A remedy? Yes, if you’ll follow
This way, to the fad-monger’s yard:
Come, here is a hobby – astride it
You settle; I tighten the girth —
So-off, and good-luck to you! Ride it
For all it is worth!
Anthony C. Deane.
THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE
A FRAGMENT FROM AN UNPUBLISHED EPIC
HERE, my Amanda, let us seat ourselves;
Here let us banish sorrow from our minds,
By contemplating the delightful view
Which stretches all around us. And what joy
To be reminded thus, though far from town,
Of that which glorifies our native land,
Our British Trade! Gaze first at yonder wood:
On every tree is tastefully inscribed
In scarlet letters, “Use Niagara Soap!”
Turn to those meadows (at no distant date
But one uninteresting plain of grass),
Each bears a dozen hoardings, striking, bright,
Decked in resplendent variegated hues,
Telling the reader that Excelsior Pills
Cure influenza; that Brown’s Tea is best,
And costs no more than one-and-six the pound;
And that the purchaser, who fain would quaff
Smith’s special brand of Sherry, must beware
Of spurious imitations. On that hill
A grand gigantic sky-sign testifies
To Johnson’s Hair Renewer; and beyond
You catch a glimpse of ocean, where the boats
Proclaim the message, painted on their sails:
“Robbinson’s Boots are Warranted to Wear!”
Oh, does not such a view delight the heart?
Yea, soon the time will come when every inch
Of England shall display advertisements;
When newly taught, the birds shall add their notes
To the glad chorus, “Buy Pomponia Paste!”
The nightingale shall sing, and all the glade
Echo her music – “Buy Pomponia Paste!”
How great a debt of thankfulness we owe
To these the benefactors of our time,
Who both contribute to the human race
Productions to our ancestors unknown,
And also glorify each rural scene
By the announcements of their excellence!
And how we pity those of olden time
Другие электронные книги автора Carolyn Wells
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