Penelope's Irish Experiences

At the Brodigans’ (Mr. Brodigan is a large farmer, and our nearest neighbour) all the clocks are from ten to twenty minutes fast or slow; and what a peaceful place it is! The family doesn’t care when it has its dinner, and, mirabile dictu, the cook doesn’t care either!

“If you have no exact time to depend upon, how do you catch trains?” I asked Mr. Brodigan.

“Sure that’s not an everyday matter, and why be foostherin’ over it? But we do, four times out o’ five, ma’am!”

“How do you like it that fifth time when you miss it?”

“Sure it’s no more throuble to you to miss it the wan time than to hurry five times! A clock is an overrated piece of furniture, to my mind, Mrs. Beresford, ma’am. A man can ate whin he’s hungry, go to bed whin he’s sleepy, and get up whin he’s slept long enough; for faith and it’s thim clocks he has inside of himself that don’t need anny winding!”

“What if you had a business appointment with a man in the town, and missed the train?” I persevered.

“Trains is like misfortunes; they never come singly, ma’am. Wherever there’s a station the trains do be dhroppin’ in now and again, and what’s the differ which of thim you take?”

“The man who is waiting for you at the other end of the line may not agree with you,” I suggested.

“Sure, a man can always amuse himself in a town, ma’am. If it’s your own business you’re coming on, he knows you’ll find him; and if it’s his business, then begorra let him find you!” Which quite reminded me of what the Irish elf says to the English elf in Moira O’Neill’s fairy story: “A waste of time? Why, you’ve come to a country where there’s no such thing as a waste of time. We have no value for time here. There is lashings of it, more than anybody knows what to do with.”

I suppose there is somewhere a golden mean between this complete oblivion of time and our feverish American hurry. There is a ‘tedious haste’ in all people who make wheels and pistons and engines, and live within sound of their everlasting buzz and whir and revolution; and there is ever a disposition to pause, rest, and consider on the part of that man whose daily tasks are done in serene collaboration with dew and rain and sun. One cannot hurry Mother Nature very much, after all, and one who has much to do with her falls into a peaceful habit of mind. The mottoes of the two nations are as well rendered in the vernacular as by any formal or stilted phrases. In Ireland the spoken or unspoken slogan is, ‘Take it aisy’; in America, ‘Keep up with the procession’; and between them lie all the thousand differences of race, climate, temperament, religion, and government.

I don’t suppose there is a nation on the earth better developed on what might be called the train-catching side than we of the Big Country, and it is well for us that there is born every now and again among us a dreamer who is (blessedly) oblivious of time-tables and market reports; who has been thinking of the rustling of the corn, not of its price. It is he, if we do not hurry him out of his dream, who will sound the ideal note in our hurly-burly and bustle of affairs. He may never discover a town site, but he will create new worlds for us to live in, and in the course of a century the coming Matthew Arnold will not be minded to call us an unimaginative and uninteresting people.

Chapter XII. Life at Knockarney House

‘See where Mononia’s heroes lie, proud Owen More’s descendants,—
‘Tis they that won the glorious name and had the grand attendants!’

    James Clarence Mangan.

It was a charming thing for us when Dr. La Touche gave us introductions to the Colquhouns of Ardnagreena; and when they, in turn, took us to tea with Lord and Lady Killbally at Balkilly Castle. I don’t know what there is about us: we try to live a sequestered life, but there are certain kind forces in the universe that are always bringing us in contact with the good, the great, and the powerful. Francesca enjoys it, but secretly fears to have her democracy undermined. Salemina wonders modestly at her good fortune. I accept it as the graceful tribute of an old civilisation to a younger one; the older men grow the better they like girls of sixteen, and why shouldn’t the same thing be true of countries?

As long ago as 1589, one of the English ‘undertakers’ who obtained some of the confiscated Desmond lands in Munster wrote of the ‘better sorte’ of Irish: ‘Although they did never see you before, they will make you the best cheare their country yieldeth for two or three days, and take not anything therefor.... They have a common saying which I am persuaded they speake unfeinedly, which is, ‘Defend me and spend me.’ Yet many doe utterly mislike this or any good thing that the poor Irishman dothe.’

This certificate of character from an ‘undertaker’ of the sixteenth century certainly speaks volumes for Irish amiability and hospitality, since it was given at a time when grievances were as real as plenty; when unutterable resentment must have been rankling in many minds; and when those traditions were growing which have coloured the whole texture of Irish thought, until, with the poor and unlettered, to be ‘agin the government’ is an inherited instinct, to be obliterated only by time.

We supplement Mrs. Mullarkey’s helter-skelter meals with frequent luncheons and dinners with our new friends, who send us home on our jaunting-car laden with flowers, fruit, even with jellies and jams. Lady Killbally forces us to take three cups of tea and a half-dozen marmalade sandwiches whenever we go to the Castle; for I apologised for our appetites, one day, by confessing that we had lunched somewhat frugally, the meal being sweetened, however, by Molly’s explanation that there was a fresh sole in the house, but she thought she would not inthrude on it before dinner!

We asked, on our arrival at Knockarney House, if we might breakfast at a regular hour,—say eight thirty. Mrs. Mullarkey agreed, with that suavity which is, after her untidiness, her distinguishing characteristic; but notwithstanding this arrangement we break our fast sometimes at nine forty, sometimes at nine twenty, sometimes at nine, but never earlier. In order to achieve this much, we are obliged to rise early and make a combined attack on the executive and culinary departments. One morning I opened the door leading from the hall into the back part of the establishment, but closed it hastily, having interrupted the toilets of three young children, whose existence I had never suspected, and of Mr. Mullarkey, whom I had thought dead for many years. Each child had donned one article of clothing, and was apparently searching for the mate to it, whatever it chanced to be. Mrs. Mullarkey was fully clothed, and was about to administer correction to one of the children who, unhappily for him, was not. I retired to my apartment to report progress, but did not describe the scene minutely, nor mention the fact that I had seen Salemina’s ivory-backed hairbrush put to excellent if somewhat unusual and unaccustomed service.

Each party in the house eats in solitary splendour, like the MacDermott, Prince of Coolavin. That royal personage of County Sligo did not, I believe, allow his wife or his children (who must have had the MacDermott blood in their veins, even if somewhat diluted) to sit at table with him. This method introduces the last element of confusion into the household arrangements, and on two occasions we have had our custard pudding or stewed fruit served in our bedrooms a full hour after we had finished dinner. We have reasons for wishing to be first to enter the dining-room, and we walk in with eyes fixed on the ceiling, by far the cleanest part of the place. Having wended our way through an underbrush of corks with an empty bottle here and there, and stumbled over the holes in the carpet, we arrive at our table in the window. It is as beautiful as heaven outside, and the table-cloth is at least cleaner than it will be later, for Mrs. Waterford of Mullinavat has an unsteady hand.

When Oonah brings in the toast rack now she balances it carefully, remembering the morning when she dropped it on the floor, but picked up the slices and offered them to Salemina. Never shall I forget that dear martyr’s expression, which was as if she had made up her mind to renounce Ireland and leave her to her fate. I know she often must wonder if Dr. La Touche’s servants, like Mrs. Mullarkey’s, feel of the potatoes to see whether they are warm or cold!

At ten thirty there is great confusion and laughter and excitement, for the sportsmen are setting out for the day and the car has been waiting at the door for an hour. Oonah is carolling up and down the long passage, laden with dishes, her cheerfulness not in the least impaired by having served seven or eight separate breakfasts. Molly has spilled a jug of milk, and is wiping it up with a child’s undershirt. The Glasgy man is telling them that yesterday they forgot the corkscrew, the salt, the cup, and the jam from the luncheon basket,—facts so mirth-provoking that Molly wipes tears of pleasure from her eyes with the milky undershirt, and Oonah sets the hot-water jug and the coffee-pot on the stairs to have her laugh out comfortably. When once the car departs, comparative quiet reigns in and about the house until the passing bicyclers appear for luncheon or tea, when Oonah picks up the napkins that we have rolled into wads and flung under the dining-table, and spreads them on tea-trays, as appetising details for the weary traveller. There would naturally be more time for housework if so large a portion of the day were not spent in pleasant interchange of thought and speech. I can well understand Mrs. Colquhoun’s objections to the housing of the Dublin poor in tenements,—even in those of a better kind than the present horrible examples; for wherever they are huddled together in any numbers they will devote most of their time to conversation. To them talking is more attractive than eating; it even adds a new joy to drinking; and if I may judge from the groups I have seen gossiping over a turf fire till midnight, it is preferable to sleeping. But do not suppose they will bubble over with joke and repartee, with racy anecdote, to every casual newcomer. The tourist who looks upon the Irishman as the merry-andrew of the English-speaking world, and who expects every jarvey he meets to be as whimsical as Mickey Free, will be disappointed. I have strong suspicions that ragged, jovial Mickey Free himself, delicious as he is, was created by Lever to satisfy the Anglo-Saxon idea of the low-comedy Irishman. You will live in the Emerald Isle for many a month, and not meet the clown or the villain so familiar to you in modern Irish plays. Dramatists have made a stage Irishman to suit themselves, and the public and the gallery are disappointed if anything more reasonable is substituted for him. You will find, too, that you do not easily gain Paddy’s confidence. Misled by his careless, reckless impetuosity of demeanour, you might expect to be the confidant of his joys and sorrows, his hopes and expectations, his faiths and beliefs, his aspirations, fears, longings, at the first interview. Not at all; you will sooner be admitted to a glimpse of the travelling Scotsman’s or the Englishman’s inner life, family history, personal ambition. Glacial enough at first and far less voluble, he melts soon enough, if he likes you. Meantime, your impulsive Irish friend gives himself as freely at the first interview as at the twentieth; and you know him as well at the end of a week as you are likely to at the end of a year. He is a product of the past, be he gentleman or peasant. A few hundred years of necessary reserve concerning articles of political and religious belief have bred caution and prudence in stronger natures, cunning and hypocrisy in weaker ones.

Our days are very varied. We have been several times into the town and spent an hour in the Petty Sessions Court with Mr. Colquhoun, who sits on the bench. Each time we have come home laden with stories ‘as good as any in the books,’ so says Francesca. Have we not with our own eyes seen the settlement of an assault and battery case between two of the most notorious brawlers in that alley of the town which we have dubbed ‘The Pass of the Plumes.’[4 - The original Pass of the Plumes is near Maryborough, and was so called from the number of English helmet plumes that were strewn about after O’Moore’s fight with five hundred of the Earl of Essex’s men.] Each barrister in the case had a handful of hair which he introduced on behalf of his client, both ladies apparently having pulled with equal energy. These most unattractive exhibits were shown to the women themselves, each recognising her own hair, but denying the validity of the other exhibit firmly and vehemently. Prisoner number one kneeled at the rail and insisted on exposing the place in her head from which the hair had been plucked; upon which prisoner number two promptly tore off her hat, scattered hairpins to the four winds, and exposed her own wounds to the judicial eye. Both prisoners ‘had a dhrop taken’ just before the affair; that soft impeachment they could not deny. One of them explained, however, that she had taken it to help her over a hard job of work, and through a little miscalculation of quantity it had ‘overaided her.’ The other termagant was asked flatly by the magistrate if she had ever seen the inside of a jail before, but evaded the point with much grace and ingenuity by telling his Honour that he couldn’t expect to meet a woman anywhere who had not suffered a misforchin somewhere betwixt the cradle and the grave.

Even the all too common drunk-and-disorderly cases had a flavour of their own, for one man, being dismissed with a small fine under condition that he would sign the pledge, assented willingly; but on being asked for how long he would take it, replied, ‘I mostly take it for life, your worship.’

We also heard the testimony of a girl who had run away from her employer before the completion of her six months’ contract, her plea being that the fairies pulled her great toe at night so that she could not sleep, whereupon she finally became so lame that she was unable to work. She left her employer’s house one evening, therefore, and went home, and curiously enough the fairies ‘shtopped pulling the toe on her as soon as iver she got there!’

Not the least enlivening of the prisoners was a decently educated person who had been arrested for disturbing the peace. The constable asserted that he was intoxicated, but the gentleman himself insisted that he was merely a poet in a more than usually inspired state.

“I am in the poetical advertising line, your worship. It is true I was surrounded by a crowd, but I was merely practising my trade. I don’t mind telling your worship that this holiday-time makes things a little lively, and the tradesmen drink my health a trifle oftener than usual; poetry is dry work, your worship, and a poet needs a good deal of liquid refreshment. I do not disturb the peace, your worship, at least not more than any other poet. I go to a grocer’s, and, standing outside, I make up some rhymes about his nice sweet sugar or his ale. If I want to please a butcher—well, I’ll give you a specimen:—

‘Here’s to the butcher who sells good meat—
In this world it’s hard to beat;
It’s the very best that’s to be had,
And makes the human heart feel glad.
There’s no necessity to purloin,
So step in and buy a good sirloin.’

I can go on in this style, like Tennyson’s brook, for ever, your worship.” His worship was afraid that he might make the offer good, and the poet was released, after promising to imbibe less frequently when he felt the divine afflatus about to descend upon him.

These disagreements between light-hearted and bibulous persons who haunt the courts week after week have nothing especially pathetic about them, but there are many that make one’s heart ache; many that seem absolutely beyond any solution, and beyond reach of any justice.

Chapter XIII. ‘O! the sound of the Kerry dancing.’

‘The light-hearted daughters of Erin,
Like the wild mountain deer they can bound;
Their feet never touch the green island,
But music is struck from the ground.
And oft in the glens and green meadows,
The ould jig they dance with such grace,
That even the daisies they tread on,
Look up with delight in their face.’

    James M’Kowen.

One of our favourite diversions is an occasional glimpse of a ‘crossroads dance’ on a pleasant Sunday afternoon, when all the young people of the district are gathered together. Their religious duties are over with their confessions and their masses, and the priests encourage these decorous Sabbath gaieties. A place is generally chosen where two or four roads meet, and the dancers come from the scattered farmhouses in every direction. In Ballyfuchsia, they dance on a flat piece of road under some fir-trees and larches, with stretches of mountain covered with yellow gorse or purple heather, and the quiet lakes lying in the distance. A message comes down to us at Ardnagreena—where we commonly spend our Sunday afternoons—that they expect a good dance, and the blind boy is coming to fiddle; and ‘so if you will be coming up, it’s welcome you’ll be.’ We join them about five o’clock—passing, on our way, groups of ‘boys’ of all ages from sixteen upwards, walking in twos and threes, and parties of three or four girls by themselves; for it would not be etiquette for the boys and girls to walk together, such strictness is observed in these matters about here.

When we reach the rendezvous we find quite a crowd of young men and maidens assembled; the girls all at one side of the road, neatly dressed in dark skirts and light blouses, with the national woollen shawl over their heads. Two wide stone walls, or dykes, with turf on top, make capital seats, and the boys are at the opposite side, as custom demands. When a young man wants a partner, he steps across the road and asks a colleen, who lays aside her shawl, generally giving it to a younger sister to keep until the dance is over, when the girls go back to their own side of the road and put on their shawls again. Upon our arrival we find the ‘sets’ are already in progress; a ‘set’ being a dance like a very intricate and very long quadrille. We are greeted with many friendly words, and the young boatmen and farmers’ sons ask the ladies, “Will you be pleased to dance, miss?” Some of them are shy, and say they are not familiar with the steps; but their would-be partners remark encouragingly: “Sure, and what matter? I’ll see you through.” Soon all are dancing, and the state of the road is being discussed with as much interest as the floor of a ballroom. Eager directions are given to the more ignorant newcomers, such as, “Twirl your girl, captain!” or “Turn your back to your face!”—rather a difficult direction to carry out, but one which conveys its meaning. Salemina confided to her partner that she feared she was getting a bit old to dance. He looked at her grey hair carefully for a moment, and then said chivalrously: “I’d not say that that was old age, ma’am. I’d say it was eddication.”

When the sets, which are very long and very decorous, are finished, sometimes a jig is danced for our benefit. The spectators make a ring, and the chosen dancers go into the middle, where their steps are watched by a most critical and discriminating audience with the most minute and intense interest. Our Molly is one of the best jig dancers among the girls here (would that she were half as clever at cooking!); but if you want to see an artist of the first rank, you must watch Kitty O’Rourke, from the neighbouring village of Dooclone. The half door of the barn is carried into the ring by one or two of her admirers, whom she numbers by the score, and on this she dances her famous jig polthogue, sometimes alone and sometimes with Art Rooney, the only worthy partner for her in the kingdom of Kerry. Art’s mother, ‘Bid’ Rooney, is a keen matchmaker, and we heard her the other day advising her son, who was going to Dooclone, to have a ‘weeny court’ with his colleen, to put a clane shirt on him in the middle of the week, and disthract Kitty intirely by showin’ her he had three of thim, annyway!

Kitty is a beauty, and doesn’t need to be made ‘purty wid cows’—a feat that the old Irishman proposed to do when he was consummating a match for his plain daughter. But the gifts of the gods seldom come singly, and Kitty is well fortuned as well as beautiful; fifty pounds, her own bedstead and its fittings, a cow, a pig, and a web of linen are supposed to be the dazzling total, so that it is small wonder her deluderin’ ways are maddening half the boys in Ballyfuchsia and Dooclone. She has the prettiest pair of feet in the County Kerry, and when they are encased in a smart pair of shoes, bought for her by Art’s rival, the big constable from Ballyfuchsia barracks, how they do twinkle and caper over that half barn door, to be sure! Even Murty, the blind fiddler, seems intoxicated by the plaudits of the bystanders, and he certainly never plays so well for anybody as for Kitty of the Meadow. Blindness is still common in Ireland, owing to the smoke in these wretched cabins, where sometimes a hole in the roof is the only chimney; and although the scores of blind fiddlers no longer traverse the land, finding a welcome at all firesides, they are still to be found in every community. Blind Murty is a favourite guest at the Rooney’s cabin, which is never so full that there is not room for one more. There is a small wooden bed in the main room, a settle that opens out at night, with hens in the straw underneath, where a board keeps them safely within until they have finished laying. There are six children besides Art, and my ambition is to photograph, or, still better, to sketch the family circle together; the hens cackling under the settle, the pig (‘him as pays the rint’) snoring in the doorway, as a proprietor should, while the children are picturesquely grouped about. I never succeed, because Mrs. Rooney sees us as we turn into the lane, and calls to the family to make itself ready, as quality’s comin’ in sight. The older children can scramble under the bed, slip shoes over their bare feet, and be out in front of the cabin without the loss of a single minute. ‘Mickey jew’l,’ the baby, who is only four, but ‘who can handle a stick as bould as a man,’ is generally clad in a ragged skirt, slit every few inches from waist to hem, so that it resembles a cotton fringe. The little coateen that tops this costume is sometimes, by way of diversion, transferred to the dog, who runs off with it; but if we appear at this unlucky moment, there is a stylish yoke of pink ribbon and soiled lace which one of the girls pins over Mickey jew’l’s naked shoulders.

Moya, who has this eye for picturesque propriety, is a great friend of mine, and has many questions about the Big Country when we take our walks. She longs to emigrate, but the time is not ripe yet. “The girls that come back has a lovely style to thim,” she says wistfully, “but they’re so polite they can’t live in the cabins anny more and be contint.” The ‘boys’ are not always so improved, she thinks. “You’d niver find a boy in Ballyfuchsia that would say annything rude to a girl; but when they come back from Ameriky, it’s too free they’ve grown intirely.” It is a dull life for them, she says, when they have once been away; though to be sure Ballyfuchsia is a pleasanter place than Dooclone, where the priest does not approve of dancing, and, however secretly you may do it, the curate hears of it, and will speak your name in church.

It was Moya who told me of Kitty’s fortune. “She’s not the match that Farmer Brodigan’s daughter Kathleen is, to be sure; for he’s a rich man, and has given her an iligant eddication in Cork, so that she can look high for a husband. She won’t be takin’ up wid anny of our boys, wid her two hundred pounds and her twenty cows and her pianya. Och, it’s a thriminjus player she is, ma’am. She’s that quick and that strong that you’d say she wouldn’t lave a string on it.”

Some of the young men and girls never see each other before the marriage, Moya says. “But sure,” she adds shyly, “I’d niver be contint with that, though some love matches doesn’t turn out anny better than the others.”

“I hope it will be a love match with you, and that I shall dance at your wedding, Moya,” I say to her smilingly.

“Faith, I’m thinkin’ my husband’s intinded mother died an old maid in Dublin,” she answers merrily. “It’s a small fortune I’ll be havin’ and few lovers; but you’ll be soon dancing at Kathleen Brodigan’s wedding, or Kitty O’Rourke’s, maybe.”

I do not pretend to understand these humble romances, with their foundations of cows and linen, which are after all no more sordid than bank stock and trousseaux from Paris. The sentiment of the Irish peasant lover seems to be frankly and truly expressed in the verses:—

‘Oh! Moya’s wise and beautiful, has wealth in plenteous store,