The Flying Doctor

Sgan. So much the worse; it is a proof that you are not quite well. Do you feel great pains in your head and back?

Luc. Yes, sir.

Sgan. I thought so. Yes, the great doctor I spoke of, in the chapter he made on the nature of animals, said … a hundred fine things; and how the humours which have connexion, have much relation to each other; for instance, as melancholy is the enemy to joy, and as the bile in going through our body makes us become yellow, and as nothing is more contrary to good health than illness; so we can say with that great man that your daughter is very ill. I must give her a prescription.

Gor. Quick! a table, paper and ink!

Sgan. Is there anybody here who can write?

Gor. What! do you not know how to write?

Sgan. Ah! I was forgetting; I have so many things to think of, that I forget the half… I think it is quite necessary for your daughter to have a change of air and that she should go and enjoy herself somewhere in the country.

Gor. We have a very fine garden, and some rooms attached to it; if you think it will do, I will send her there.

Sgan. Let us go and see the place. (Exeunt.)

SCENE VI. – THE LAWYER

Law. I have heard that the daughter of Mr. Gorgibus is ill; I must go and inquire after her health, and offer my services, as the friend of the whole family. (Knocks.) Is Mr. Gorgibus at home? (Enter Gorgibus.) Having heard of your daughter's illness, I come to tell you of my entire sympathy, and to put myself at your disposal for all that may be wanted of me.

Gor. I have just left the cleverest man in the world.

Law. Would it not be possible to speak with him for a few moments? (Gorgibus fetches Sganarelle.)

SCENE VII. – GORGIBUS, LAWYER, SGANARELLE (as doctor)

Gor. Sir, here is a friend of mine, a very clever man, who would be glad to speak with you.

Sgan. I have no leisure, Mr. Gorgibus; I must go and see my patients. I will not presume to take your place of honour, sir.

Law. Sir, from what Mr. Gorgibus has told me of your merit and talents, I had the greatest longing in the world to be introduced to you, and I have taken the liberty of addressing you on that account. I hope you will not think it too bold. One must acknowledge that those who excel in any great science are worthy of high praise; particularly those whose calling is that of doctor, as much on account of its utility, as because it is the source of several other sciences. Hence it is a difficult one to know perfectly, and Hippocrates therefore says truly in his first treatise: Vita brevis, ars verò longa, occasio autem praeceps, experimentum periculosum, judicium, difficile.

Sgan. (to Gorgibus). Ficile tantina pota baril cambustibus.

Law. You are not one of those doctors who only study the medicine called rational or dogmatic, and I believe that you practise it every day with great success, —experientia magistra rerum. The first men who practised medicine were held in such consideration because of that wonderful science, that they were numbered among the gods on account of the marvellous cures they performed every day. Not that any one should despise a doctor who has not given back health to his patient, since health does not altogether depend on his remedies or his knowledge: interdum docta plus valet arte malum. Sir, I am afraid I am importunate; I must leave you, with the hope that next time we meet I shall have the honour of conversing with you at greater length. Your time is precious. (Exit Lawyer.)

Gor. What do you think of that man?

Sgan. He has some trifling knowledge of things. Had he stopped a moment longer I would have made him converse upon a lofty and sublime subject. But now I must leave you (Gorgibus offers him money). Ha! what are you about?

Gor. I know that I am indebted to you.

Sgan. You are laughing, Mr. Gorgibus! I never take any money, I am not a mercenary man (takes the money). Your very humble servant.

(Exit Sganarelle; Gorgibus goes into his own house.)

SCENE VIII. – VALÈRE (alone)

I wonder what Sganarelle has done; I have no news from him; I wish I knew where to meet him (Sganarelle returns in his usual dress). Ah! here he is. Well! Sganarelle, and what have you done since I saw you?

SCENE IX. – VALÈRE, SGANARELLE

Sgan. Worked wonders upon wonders! I have done so well, that Gorgibus really believes me to be a clever doctor. I went to his house, I ordered him to send his daughter to breathe fresh air, and she is now in an apartment at the bottom of their garden, so far from the old man, that you can go and see her without fear of being disturbed.

Val. Ah! how happy you make me; I shall go at once to see her, without losing any more time. (Exit.)

Sgan. That old fellow Gorgibus must be a downright fool to allow himself to be deceived in that fashion (seeing Gorgibus). Ah! goodness, all is lost! well, here's a pretty upset for my doctorship! But I must try and take him in once more.

SCENE X. – SGANARELLE, GORGIBUS

Gor. Good morning, sir.

Sgan. Sir, your servant. You see in me a poor fellow driven to despair. Do you know a doctor who has only lately come to this town, and who performs wonderful cures?

Gor. Yes, I know him; he has just left my house.

Sgan. I am his brother, sir; we are twins, and we resemble each other like two peas, and are often taken the one for the other.

Gor. Dev – … deuce take me,[4 - Je dédonne au diable is apparently a euphemism for Je donne au diable. In French, compare parbleu, corbleu, &c., and deuce, zounds, egad, &c., in English. Dédonne is not given by Littré. It occurs again in 'La Jalousie du Barbouillé,' Sc. v., but does not seem to have been employed elsewhere by Molière.] if I did not make the mistake myself; and what is your name?

Sgan. Narcissus, sir, at your service. You must know that while in his study I upset two bottles full of essence, which were on the edge of his table. Will you believe that he was so furious with me, that he actually drove me out of the house, and said he would never see me again; so that here I am a poor destitute fellow, without friends, without help, without anything at all.

Gor. Don't distress yourself; I will make your peace with your brother. I am his friend, and I promise you that he shall forgive you. I will speak to him the first time I meet him.

Sgan. I shall be much obliged to you, Mr. Gorgibus. (Exit Sganarelle.)

SCENE XI. – SGANARELLE (dressed as a doctor), GORGIBUS

Sgan. One must say, that when patients will not follow the advice of the doctor, but give themselves up to excesses …

Gor. Sir, your very humble servant. I have a favour to ask of you.

Sgan. What is it, sir? Can I be of service to you?

Gor. Sir, I have just met your brother, who is extremely sorry to …

Sgan. He is a scoundrel, Mr. Gorgibus.

Gor. I assure you that he is so distressed to have put you in a passion, that …

Sgan. He is a drunkard, Mr. Gorgibus.

Gor. Eh! sir, do you wish to drive the poor fellow to despair?

Sgan. Do not speak to me of him. Just fancy that scoundrel's impudence to go and ask you to make his peace for him. I beg of you not to speak of him to me.

Gor. In Heaven's name, sir, do it for my sake! If it is in my power to do anything to oblige you in return, I will do it with all my heart. I gave him my word, and …