The Jealousy of le Barbouillé

Doc. Audi, quæso, would Cæsar have said.[7 - Doc. 'Audi, quæso,' aurait dit Cicéron.Bar. Si ce rompt, si ce brise, &c.It seems necessary to ascribe the saying to Cæsar, rather than to Cicero, in order to render to some extent this fearful pun.]

Bar. Seize her, or don't seize her, you will listen to me or I will break your doctoral neck! What the devil do you mean by all this?

(Le Barbouillé, Angélique, Gorgibus, Cathau, Villebrequin, wish to explain the cause of the quarrel; the Doctor explains that peace is a fine thing. They all talk together, and make a dreadful noise. In the midst of all this, Le Barbouillé ties the Doctor by the legs with a rope, throws him down on his back, and drags him away; the Doctor goes on talking all the time, and counts all his arguments on his fingers, as if he were not on the ground.)

Gor. Now, my daughter, go back to your home and live in peace with your husband.

Vill. Your servant; good night.

(Exeunt Villebrequin, Gorgibus, and Angélique.)

SCENE VII. – VALÈRE, LA VALLÉE

Val. I am extremely obliged to you, sir, for the trouble you have taken, and I promise you that in about an hour's time I shall be at the place of rendezvous you give me.

La Val. It cannot be put off so long, in a quarter of an hour the ball will be over, and you will miss the pleasure of meeting there the person you love.

Val. Let us go together then.

(Exeunt Valère and La Vallée.)

SCENE VIII. – ANGÉLIQUE (alone)

While my husband is absent, I will just go round to a ball given by one of our neighbours. I shall be back before him, for he is somewhere drinking; he will not even know that I am gone out. The wretched knave always leaves me alone at home, as if I were his dog. (Exit Angélique.)

SCENE IX. – LE BARBOUILLÉ

I knew that I should master that brute of a doctor and his stupid doctrine. Devil take the ignorant ass! I soon brought all his science to the ground. I must now go and see if our good wife has prepared anything for my supper. (Exit.)

SCENE X. – ANGÉLIQUE

How unlucky! I went too late, the party was over. I arrived just as everybody was leaving. But never mind, it shall be for another time. I will go home as if nothing was the matter. Bless me! the door is locked; Cathau! Cathau!

SCENE XI. – LE BARBOUILLÉ (at the window), ANGÉLIQUE

Bar. "Cathau! Cathau!" Well! what is the matter with Cathau? And where do you come from at this time of night, and in such weather?

Ang. Where I come from? Just open the door, and I will tell you.

Bar. Yes, you catch me! You may go and sleep where you come from; I shall not open to a gad-about like you. What! alone at this time of night! I don't know if it is fancy, but my forehead seems to me already rougher by half.

Ang. Well, what do you mean by scolding me because I am alone? You scold me if I have anybody near me; what am I to do?

Bar. Stop at home, give orders for the supper, take care of the household, and of the children; but it is no use talking so much; good-bye, good night, go to the devil and leave me in peace.

Ang. You won't open to me?

Bar. No. I shall not open to you.

Ang. Ah! my dear little husband, I beg of you open the door; do, my darling little heart.

Bar. Ah! crocodile! Ah! dangerous serpent! you caress me to betray me.

Ang. Open, do open.

Bar. Farewell! Vade retro, Satanas!

Ang. What, you won't open.

Bar. No!

Ang. You have no pity for the wife who loves you so much?

Bar. No, I am inflexible. You have offended me, I am revengeful like the very devil! that is to say plainly that I am inexorable.

Ang. Do you know that if you push me too far, and put me in a passion, I may do something which will make you repent your unkindness.

Bar. And what will you do, dear little vixen?

Ang. I declare that if you do not open to me, I will kill myself before the door; my parents will no doubt come here before going to bed, to see if we are all right together, and they will find me dead, and you will be hanged.

Bar. Ha! ha! ha! ha! the silly creature! Tell me who would lose the most? Nonsense, you are not so foolish as to play such a trick.

Ang. You don't believe me. See, here is my knife all ready, if you do not open at once I will pierce myself to the heart with it.

Bar. Take care, it is very sharp.

Ang. You won't open to me?

Bar. I have told you twenty times that I shall not open; kill yourself, die, go to the devil, I care not.

Ang. (pretending to stab herself). Farewell then… Ay! I am dead.

Bar. Can she be stupid enough to do such a thing? I must go down with the light and see.

Ang. (aside). I will pay you back. If I can only slip into the house while you are looking for me, it shall be my turn. (She runs past Barbouillé, and manages to get into the house without his knowledge.)

Bar. Well! I knew she was not so stupid as all that! She is dead, and yet she runs like Pacolet's horse.[8 - An enchanted dwarf in the old romance of 'Valentine and Orson,' who manufactured a wooden horse, which could go very fast "Courir comme le cheval de Pacolet," remains as a proverb.] To say the truth, she really frightened me, she did right to run away, for if I had found her alive after she had given me such a fright, my boot would have taught her not to play the fool. I must go to bed now. Hallo! the wind must have shut the door to, I fear. Hi! Cathau, Cathau, open the door.

Ang. (at the window). "Cathau, Cathau! well what is the matter with Cathau?" and where do you come from, you drunkard? Well, well, my parents will soon be here, and will hear all about you. You wine-tap, you infamous wretch, you do not stir from the public-house; but leave a poor wife with little children waiting for you all day at home without caring to know if they want anything.

Bar. Open quickly, she-devil! or I'll break your head open.

SCENE XII. – GORGIBUS, VILLEBREQUIN, ANGÉLIQUE, LE BARBOUILLÉ

Gor. Why, what is it now? still quarrelling and fighting?

Vill. What? will you never agree?