Eat Me: Love, Sex and the Art of Eating

If you have bought your lobster live, plunge it into boiling water for 15 minutes then remove. (If you have bought a cooked, ready-to-go lobster, you’re a wuss!) When cooled, crack and remove all the meat from the shell, making sure there are no splinters.

To make the sauce, fry the shells and legs in the olive oil and 2 knobs of butter over a medium heat with the garlic and chilli. Add the tomatoes, a large glass of champagne and a small glass of water, gently boil on a high heat to reduce the alcohol (for about 3 minutes), then simmer gently for 1 hour. Allow to cool. Pass the sauce through a fine sieve twice, checking for splinters. Place in a clean pan, add a final knob of butter and season to taste. Add the cooked pasta to the sauce and toss it until well covered. Add the lobster at the moment of serving, toss lightly keeping the lobster meat visible on top of the pasta and serve in warmed bowls with a sprinkling of parsley.

The Berries:

This really could not be easier, but it tastes like it took a great deal of effort. Prepare the sauce in advance so that all you have to do before serving is place the raspberries in individual glasses and reheat the sauce. Serve the Framboise frozen in shot glasses, it finishes off the dish to perfection and gives it quite a kick!

A pack of frozen raspberries (or fresh ones, frozen), about 150g (5oz) per person; 600g (1½lb) of good-quality white chocolate; 600ml (1 pint) double cream; 2 shots of Framboise (raspberry liqueur, optional).

Break up the chocolate and place with the cream in a bowl placed over a pan of simmering water for 20–30 minutes, stirring every so often until the chocolate has melted and the sauce is hot. (If prepared in advance, reheat the sauce in the same way). Five minutes before serving, place the berries in your prettiest dessert glasses or on dessert plates and leave at room temperature for 5 minutes. Cover the berries generously with the sauce and serve immediately with the shots of Framboise on the side.

Seduction Menu 2

Prawns with Garlic, Butter and Lemon

Roasted Swordfish on a Tomato, Pepper and Red Onion Salsa

Dark Chocolate Desire

The Prawns:

8–10 raw tiger prawns per person, depending on the size of the prawns (and your wallet); 2 tbsp butter; 1 tbsp olive oil; 2 cloves of finely chopped garlic; the juice of a lemon; a further large knob of butter; a handful of finely chopped parsley; sea salt and freshly ground pepper.

When cooking the prawns do so with the heads on or, if you wish, remove the heads and butterfly them by cutting through the back of the shell to remove the black vein and opening them flat. Do not remove all of the shell as it adds to the flavour of the sauce and anyway, what could be sexier than peeling a prawn for your lover?

Gently warm the butter, oil and the garlic in a frying pan large enough to hold all the prawns and nice enough to be put on the table. When the butter is foaming, toss the prawns in, turning them as they go pink and cook for about 3 minutes (slightly less if butterflied), then add the lemon juice and the rest of the butter. Allow the sauce to come back to a sizzle, adjust the seasoning and sprinkle with chopped parsley.

The prawns in all their hot, sticky gorgeousness should be whisked off the hob to the table whilst still spitting and sizzling and should be served in the very pan in which they were cooked. Eat them with your fingers and serve with some crusty bread to mop up those garlicky buttery juices.

The Swordfish:

A light and healthy dish with big flavours to excite the most jaded of palates.

2 swordfish steaks about 200g (7oz) each, about 1cm thick; olive oil.

The Salsa:

6 really ripe plum tomatoes, deseeded and finely chopped; 1 red pepper, deseeded and finely chopped; 2 medium red chillies, finely sliced; 1 tbsp of capers, chopped; a small red onion, finely chopped; a clove of garlic, finely chopped; a handful of parsley, finely chopped; a handful of fresh basil leaves, finely chopped; 2 anchovy fillets, chopped; 6 tbsp of good olive oil; 3 tbsp of lemon juice combined with 2 tbsp of runny honey; sea salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Combine all the salsa ingredients in a bowl, season with salt and pepper, cover with a cloth and leave for at least 2 hours at room temperature for the flavours to infuse.

Preheat a grill pan or heavy-bottomed frying pan until very hot, rub each of the swordfish steaks with olive oil, season with salt and pepper on both sides and place in the pan. Cook on a very high heat for two to three minutes on each side so the fish is a little charred, take care not to burn it.

To serve, place a couple of large spoonfuls of salsa on a plate and top with the swordfish. Serve with a mixed green salad dressed with the juices of the pan, a little olive oil and a squeeze of lemon juice and some good crusty bread.

Dark Chocolate Desire:

Time for something sweet. A bitter chocolate dessert – rich, silky and positively illicit. A little of this goes a long way, so serve in tiny espresso cups.

285ml (10oz) single cream; 200g (7oz) bitter dark chocolate (70 per cent cocoa solids); 2 egg yolks, beaten; 3 tbsp brandy; 20g (1oz) butter, 2 Amaretto biscotti.

Heat the cream in a saucepan until nearly boiling. Set aside for a minute or two. Break up the chocolate into small pieces and combine with the cream, stir until melted. Beat in the egg yolks and brandy and stir until mixture is creamy. Allow to cool a little then add the butter and mix until smooth. Pour into the espresso cups and place in the fridge to set. (Should the mixture separate when you add the butter, allow the mixture to cool a little more then whisk in a little cold milk until you have a smooth consistency.) Just before serving, grind the Amaretti biscuits into a dust and sprinkle over the top of the cups, allowing the residue to fall on the saucers.

Seduction Menu 3

Frisée with a Warm Pancetta, Balsamic and Honey Dressing

Chargrilled Rump Steak with Béarnaise Sauce and Pommes Frites

Caffé Affogato

I have known grown men to swoon over this particular menu. It sounds easy, but done well nothing can touch it. As a woman cooking for man I can highly recommend the results you will achieve by putting on your pinny and serving him some good, old-fashioned red meat. To keep the menu balanced the starter and dessert are very light: after all, we need him to stay awake. A good South Australian Shiraz goes really well with this.

The Salad:

2 large handfuls crisp frisée lettuce; 8 slices pancetta or 6 slices dry-cured, smoked streaky bacon; 6 small shallots, peeled and quartered; 3 tbsp pine nuts; 6 tbsp olive oil; 3 tbsp balsamic vinegar mixed with 2 tbsp runny honey; sea salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Fry the pancetta or bacon in a hot frying pan until crisp, remove and set aside. Add the olive oil, shallots and pine nuts to the pan and cook until the onions are soft and sweet (about 10 minutes over a lowish flame), keep the contents of the pan moving. Return the bacon or pancetta to the pan and toss everything around, turn off the heat. Place the frisee in a big salad bowl and add the contents of the pan and the balsamic-honey mixture. Season with salt and pepper and toss the salad until all the components are distributed evenly and serve immediately with some warm crusty bread or garlic bread to mop up the dressing.

The Béarnaise Sauce:

1 small shallot, peeled and finely chopped; 3 tbsp white wine or tarragon vinegar; 6 black whole peppercorns; 3 sprigs of tarragon, roughly chopped including stalks; 2 egg yolks whisked with 1 tsp Dijon mustard; 150g (5oz) softened butter cut into ½in cubes.

Put the chopped shallot into a small saucepan with the vinegar, peppercorns and tarragon. Bring to the boil and reduce it to a tablespoon or so of liquor (don’t move from the stove as this does not take very long), pass this liquor through a sieve or tea strainer to get rid of the bits and bobs and put to one side. Put the egg yolks and the mustard into a glass bowl and place over a saucepan of gently simmering water, the bowl should fit snugly on the top of the pan. Whisk the vinegar reduction into the egg yolks, keeping the water under them simmering, then slowly start to add the cubes of butter one at a time, whisking constantly until the sauce is thick and velvety. Turn off the heat halfway through adding the butter, as the sauce must not get too hot. (Should disaster strike and the sauce separates, remove the bowl from the heat, add a spoonful of boiling water from the pan and whisk it like a mad thing. It should right itself.) Once the heat is off, add a little salt if necessary. To keep warm, leave it in the bowl over the pan of water (no flame) covered with a cloth and whisk occasionally.

The Pommes Frites:

Ok, here’s the bit where you cheat. I buy my pomme frites very thin and frozen because I hate, detest and abhor the smell of deep-fat frying, I think it’s the least romantic smell in the whole wide world ever. So, I oven-cook them on an oiled baking tray with a severe grinding of sea salt in a fairly hot oven. He will never ever know, especially if you undo a button on your oh-so-sexy top whilst serving them.

What can I tell you? The female of the species is by far deadlier and more cunning than the male.

The Steak:

2 rump steaks about an inch thick and 300g (11oz) in weight; olive oil; a garlic clove; sea salt and freshly ground pepper.

(Please get your steaks from a reputable old-fashioned butcher’s shop where the meat is cut from the rump in front of you, not pre-cut and packed in Styrofoam and cling film from a supermarket. Butcher’s meat is far superior, it really is worth the effort and the more we support our local shopkeepers, the better chance they have of survival and of not being squeezed out by the superstores. Lecture over, enough said.)

Preheat your ridged, cast-iron grill pan or, failing that, a heavy-bottomed frying pan until very hot, having first rubbed it with the garlic clove. Coat either side of your steaks with olive oil and a grinding of black pepper (some people prefer to salt their steak at the end of the cooking process believing it preserves the juices of the meat, I’m not sure it makes that much difference, but it’s up to you). Place the steaks on the grill pan and press down hard. Let them cook for 2 minutes without moving them, this will ensure you achieve that lovely chargrilled, slightly crunchy exterior. Turn over after the 2 minutes are up, preferably using tongs (if you stab your meat with a fork you will sacrifice your juices), once again press down and cook for a further 2 minutes. This will give you a medium-rare steak, though it’s impossible to pinpoint the exact timing due to thickness of the cut and the hanging time of the meat, etc, the only real way to know is to cut into it a little towards the middle of steak. If you like your steak a little more well done, keep it in the pan, turning it every minute or so. Once cooked, turn off the heat and allow the steaks to rest for a couple of minutes. Serve with the pommes frites and Béarnaise sauce and some watercress dressed with the pan juices. Sit back, enjoy and watch him drool.

Caffé Affogato

Translated literally, this means ‘drowned coffee’ and really could not be easier to make. Make some strong filter or espresso coffee, if you’re lucky enough to own an espresso-making machine pour enough for 2 small cups into a jug and add 2 tsps of sugar. Place a generous dollop of ice-cream into each of 2 dessert glasses, pour over some of your favourite liqueur or, failing that, whatever you have handy – brandy, Amaretto, Cointreau all make fine additions. Top with the coffee and serve with some fancy little biscuits bought especially for the occasion.

Quite apart from being delicious, this clever little pudding gets the whole dessert, coffee and brandy thing out of the way in one hit.

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The Food of Love