13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
Amy Morin

The ultimate guide to mastering your mental strength with revolutionary new strategies that work of everyone.Everyone knows that regular exercise leads to physical strength. But how do we strengthen ourselves mentally for the truly tough times? Or as psychologist Amy Morin asks, what should we avoid when we encounter adversity? Through her years counselling others and her own experiences navigating personal loss, Morin realised it is often the habits we cannot break that are holding us back from true success and happiness.Now, for the first time, the author expands upon the 13Things from her viral post that reached millions world wideand shares her tried-and-true practices for increasing mental strength. Morin writes with searing honesty, incorporating anecdotes from her work as a psychotherapist as well as personal stories of how she had to bolster her own mentalstrength when tragedy threatened to consume her.Increasing your mental strength can change your entireattitude. It takes practice and hard work, but with thespecific tips, exercises, and troubleshooting advice, it is possible to not only fortify your mental muscle but also drastically improve the quality of your life.

Copyright

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First published in US by William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 2015 This UK edition published by HarperThorsons 2015

Designed by Jamie Lynn Kerner

© Amy Morin 2015

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Source ISBN: 9780008105938

Ebook Edition © 2014 ISBN: 9780008105945

Version: 2014-12-15

To all who strive to become better today than they were yesterday

Contents

Cover (#uac532712-8161-596b-a1e2-5d729e6811e6)

Title Page (#u8df877ff-ff95-59d2-9a04-da89a8bbabff)

Copyright (#u74aa2a66-17ce-5815-af2e-061e7ead61bb)

Dedication (#u6319f9f5-f8a3-54ac-a617-120f501904a4)

Introduction

What is Mental Strength?

Chapter 1 They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves (#ulink_70e2c1bc-18be-5cb3-8b07-c44d9b0a3813)

Chapter 2 They Don’t Give away their Power (#ulink_f3177824-e91e-54da-8e78-f79502f692e6)

Chapter 3 They Don’t Shy away from Change (#ulink_a65fb839-bf93-579b-af22-5a9155940e91)

Chapter 4 They Don’t Focus on things they can’t Control (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 5 They Don’t Worry about Pleasing Everyone (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 6 They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 7 They Don’t Dwell on the Past (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 8 They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 9 They Don’t Resent other People’s Success (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 10 They Don’t Give Up after the First Failure (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 11 They Don’t Fear Alone Time (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 12 They Don’t Feel the World Owes them Anything (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter 13 They Don’t Expect Immediate Results (#litres_trial_promo)

Conclusion Maintaining Mental Strength (#litres_trial_promo)

Acknowledgments (#litres_trial_promo)

References (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

Introduction (#u72cf064a-ba2e-57b8-bf29-cd81331e21ba)

When I was twenty-three, my mother died suddenly from a brain aneurysm. She’d always been a healthy, hardworking, vibrant woman who had loved life right up until her last minute on earth. In fact, I saw her the night before she died. We met at an auditorium to watch a high school basketball tournament. She was laughing, talking, and enjoying life like she always did. But just twenty-four hours later she was gone. The loss of my mother affected me deeply. I couldn’t imagine going through the rest of my life without her advice, laughter, or love.

At the time, I was working as a therapist at a community mental health center, and I took a few weeks off to privately deal with my grief. I knew I couldn’t be effective at helping other people unless I was able to productively deal with my own feelings. Becoming used to a life that no longer included my mother was a process. It wasn’t easy, but I worked hard to get myself back on my feet. From my training as a therapist, I knew that time doesn’t heal anything; it’s how we deal with that time that determines the speed at which we heal. I understood that grief was the necessary process that would eventually alleviate my pain, so I allowed myself to feel sad, to get angry, and to fully accept what I’d truly lost when my mother passed away. It wasn’t just that I missed her—it was also the painful realization that she would never be there again during the important events in my life and that she would never experience the things she’d looked forward to—like retire from her job and become a grandmother. With supportive friends and family, and my faith in God, I found a sense of peace; and as life went on, I was able to remember my mother with a smile, rather than with pangs of sadness.

A few years later, as we approached the third anniversary of my mother’s death, my husband, Lincoln, and I discussed how to best honor her memory that weekend. Friends had invited us to watch a basketball game on Saturday evening. Coincidentally, the game was being played in the same auditorium where we’d last seen my mother. Lincoln and I talked about what it would be like to go back to the place where we’d seen her, just three years ago, on the night before she passed away.

We decided it could be a wonderful way to celebrate her life. After all, my memories of her that night were very good. We’d laughed, had a chance to talk about all kinds of things, and had an all-around great evening. My mother had even predicted my sister would get married to her boyfriend at the time—and a few years later that prediction came true.

So Lincoln and I returned to the auditorium and we enjoyed spending time with our friends. We knew it was what my mother would have wanted. It felt nice to go back and feel okay about being there. But just as I took a sigh of relief about my progress in dealing with my mother’s death, my entire life was once again turned upside down.

After returning home from the basketball game, Lincoln complained of back pain. He’d broken several vertebrae in a car accident a few years prior, so back pain wasn’t unusual for him. But just a few minutes later, he collapsed. I called for paramedics and they arrived within minutes and transported him to the hospital. I called his mother, and his family met me in the emergency room. I had no idea what could possibly be wrong with him.

After a few minutes in the emergency room waiting area, we were called into a private room. Before the doctor even said a word, I knew what he was going to say. Lincoln had passed away. He’d had a heart attack.