The Child Left Behind

‘He would talk nonstop sometimes,’ Thomas John said one night. ‘And plague me to death with questions wanting to know the whys and wherefores of every damned thing. I would often tell him to stop his blether and give me some peace, but what I’d give now to hear him chuntering away.’

They all knew what Thomas John meant. They missed Finn and when he had been gone some months Thomas John began to look forward to the end of the war and Finn coming home. He’d say things like, ‘When Finn is back where he belongs, I’ll look to getting a few more cows.’ Or, ‘When the lad’s back home, I’ve a mind to till that top field that’s lying fallow just now.’

The end of the war seemed as far away as ever as 1915 drew to a close. Finn and Gabrielle’s lovemaking grew more ardent as the days and then weeks passed. If they met in the park, they were as respectable as they had been in the beginning. It was different in the confines of the farmhouse though December was halfway through before Finn kissed Gabrielle properly.

She was astounded at first, and quite perturbed by the strange yearnings coursing through her body and the moan she let slip. When she felt Finn feeling her clothed body, it felt so right, so good that she let him continue.

Afterwards, in her bed, she remembered what Finn had done and how it had made her feel, and she grew hot with shame. Yet she knew she would do it all again, for when she was with him all form of reason, even what was wrong or right, didn’t seem to matter any more. Further than this, though, Finn refused to go. He was more experienced than Gabrielle and knew just how easy it was to lose control, but he was aware that it got more difficult and frustrating every time he pulled away.

Finn often talked of his family and Gabrielle loved hearing of them all.

One night, as they snuggled together, Gabrielle said, ‘You told me all about your sister Aggie a while ago. You said everyone had a good time with the music and everything. Why did it stop?’

‘Well,’ said Finn, ‘that was a mystery and a half. You see, one day Aggie just disappeared.’

‘Disappeared?’

‘Aye,’ Finn said. ‘She was fifteen and they say she ran away with the gypsies. I was only five and I was scared of gypsies for some time after that. But as I grew up, I was less and less sure, because it would be such an odd thing for her to do. Tom never believed that story either, and he and Aggie were close. Not that we could talk about it openly, because our mother disowned her and we were forbidden to speak her name, but I would sometimes hear my brothers talking about her when they didn’t know I was there.’

‘So what do you think did happen to her?’

Finn shook his head. ‘I don’t know, and likely never will.’

‘That is awful,’ Gabrielle said. ‘She was only two years younger than I am now, and to just disappear like that…’

‘I know,’ Finn said. ‘I remember the Guards coming and all, and no trace could be found of her. The point was she had nowhere to go. She had apparently taken clothes, not that any of us had many, but she had no money at all.’

‘What a terribly sad story.’

‘Aye,’ Finn said. ‘Aggie brought me up nearly as much as my mother did and was very much nicer and kinder altogether, and I remember crying for days. I kept getting into trouble because I kept forgetting we weren’t supposed to mention her name.’

‘But you were only a little boy.’

‘That didn’t matter to my mother,’ Finn said. ‘She used to fly into the most terrifying rages. I tell you, Gabrielle, they would scare the stoutest of hearts. We are all scared of her, Tom most of all, and she has a cane hanging up by the fire that we have felt the sting of. She beat me with it one day when I mentioned Aggies’s name by mistake, but my father put a stop to it when he found out.’

‘So he was kinder?’

Finn considered this. ‘I suppose,’ he said at last. ‘Fairer, maybe. He is the only one Mammy listens to, but except for Nuala, hugs and kisses were just never part of our growing up.’

‘No, they wouldn’t have been in mine if my father had had his way,’ Gabrielle said. ‘But in that at least my mother defied him. My life seems so dull in comparison to yours, though. Is that the end of the story?’

‘Almost,’ Finn said. ‘In Ireland many people can make a story out of nothing and memories are kept alive by being spoken about from one to another, often for years. Aggie’s disappearance, though, and the speculation surrounding it was overshadowed, because only a few days afterwards, a man called McAllister, who taught the boys to play the tunes and the girls the dancing, was found dead.’

‘Was that a mystery too?’

‘No,’ Finn said. ‘He was apparently thrown from his horse. It was spoken about and discussed, and was quite the news for a while.’

‘What of your other sister?’ Gabrielle asked. ‘The one you said got all the hugs and kisses. Is there a story about her too?’

‘Not much of a one,’ said Finn, smiling at the thought of Nuala. ‘Maybe because she is the youngest my parents spoiled her terribly. She is four years younger than me and pretty as a picture and, despite my parents, she has a lovely nature. She is nursemaid to the children of the big Protestant family beside us and loving every minute of it.’ He looked at Gabrielle and smiled. ‘She knows all about you, for I write and tell her, and I would love you to meet her.’

‘I would like to meet them all,’ Gabrielle said.

‘And so you shall, my darling,’ Finn said. ‘Just as soon as the war is over, I am out of the army and the world is a safer place.’

FIVE (#ulink_23a558c6-4cb4-56b8-b231-ef50e0dc6220)

Gabrielle’s Parisian relatives were coming to spend the festive season with the Joberts, as they had done many times before.

‘They are nice,’ Gabrielle told Finn. ‘Really nice. Uncle Raoul is a dear, and Aunt Bernadette is such fun. She’s always up to the minute with fashion though she is older than Maman.’

‘When are they due to arrive?’

‘Christmas Eve,’ Gabrielle said. ‘And they usually stay until New Year. The thing is, it will be almost impossible to see you while they are here.’

‘Why?’ Finn cried.

‘Well, for one thing, my aunt thinks it’s quite monstrous that Yvette and I should be expected to go to bed at half-past eight in the evening. It doesn’t happen when she is here, because she always says she wants to see more of her nieces, and after the evening meal we all sit and talk or even play games. Anyway, I couldn’t risk my slipping out because the guest bedroom is on the same side of the house as our room, and Aunt Bernadette is always saying what a light sleeper she is.’

Finn resigned himself to not seeing Gabrielle for the rest of the year, but he tried to keep any resentment out of his voice or his manner; it wasn’t Gabrielle’s fault.

He’d bought her a silver locket for Christmas. It had cost him a great deal of money, especially as he had had it engraved ‘F loves G Christmas 1915’. He had no photograph to put in it so instead enclosed a lock of his hair, and he gave it to Gabrielle as they sat on the sofa in front of the fire in the farmhouse the evening before Christmas Eve.

She was surprised and enchanted with her present. It was beautiful and she knew Finn must have had to save up for it because soldiers were not highly paid.

‘Don’t worry about the cost of it,’ Finn said when she expressed concern about him spending so much. ‘That’s not how to receive a present. You are worth more than fifty thousand lockets, and if I had the means I would shower you with jewellery.’

Gabrielle smiled. ‘I should not want that. I am content with this locket bought with such love. Thank you so much. I will wear it beneath my clothes always,’ she promised as Finn fastened the chain around her neck. ‘It will lie against my heart. I am only so sorry that I have nothing to give you in return.’

‘You don’t give a present to expect one back,’ Finn said. ‘Just thinking of you wearing the locket is present enough for me. It will remind you of me when I am gone from this place.’

‘I don’t like to think of that time,’ Gabrielle said, her voice forlorn. ‘I know one day it will come, but when it does I shall have no need of any locket to remind me of you. You are ingrained in my heart and you will take a sizeable piece of it when you leave. Have you any idea when it will be?’

‘Nothing official,’ Finn said. ‘They don’t tell soldiers useful things like that, but I am concerned for you because you told me that your father would want a good marriage for you and your sister because he has no sons.’

‘It is not my fault that my father has no sons,’ Gabrielle said. ‘And I told you already that I would only ever marry for love, and the only man I love is you.’

‘It might be ages before I am able to return for you,’ Finn told her. ‘Years even, because there’s no time limit on war.’

‘I will wait for you for however long it takes,’ Gabrielle said simply. ‘I love you with all my heart and soul, and that will never change.’

Finn felt a lump rise in his throat. He took Gabrielle into his arms and when she snuggled tight against him he felt that his heart would burst for love of this beautiful girl. When his tongue slid into her mouth between her opened lips, he heard her gasp of pleasure. He let his tongue dart backwards and forwards until Gabrielle was unable to stop herself groaning in desire.

That night, maybe the thought they wouldn’t see each other for days, or the gift of the locket and their declaration of their love for one another, conspired to make Gabrielle ready for more. Finn could feel it in every line of her body. When he began stroking her clothed body she moaned with the sheer pleasure of his touch. He began to open the buttons on her blouse, thinking any moment that she would stop him, but instead she helped him. He slipped his trembling hands inside and when he cupped his hands around her plump, firm breasts for the first time she gave a sigh of contentment.

Finn felt as if he was on fire, and when Gabrielle arched her back to make it easier for him to reach every part of her, he knew that she was ready. He could take her here and she would do nothing to stop him.

But how could he do that to the woman he loved and then leave her unprotected and unsupported? The effort it took for Finn to pull back was immense, especially when Gabrielle clung on to him.