The Child Left Behind

‘Well, you certainly look all right,’ Mariette said.

And Gabrielle did. She had developed a bloom on her skin that had not been there before because she was thoroughly loved by a man she loved in return. Even her not very observant parents noticed in the end and remarked on it, and many of the customers said the same, while Finn thought she had never looked more beautiful.

‘We’ll leave it for now then,’ her mother said, ‘but if they don’t return then I will ask the doctor to have a look at you. Just as well to be on the safe side.’

However, other matters took precedence. At the end of March, Yvette was fourteen and would be leaving school at Easter. In early April, Aunt Bernadette wrote to Gabrielle, repeating the invitation she had made at Christmas.

‘I don’t really know how I can refuse this time,’ Gabrielle confessed to Finn.

‘When are they arriving?’ Finn asked.

‘After the schools are closed, and that is less than two weeks away.’

‘Darling, I might be gone before then,’ Finn said. ‘The camp is on high alert. Any day we expect orders to move out.’

‘Oh, Finn…’

‘Go on with your uncle and aunt to Paris,’ Finn urged. ‘It might make it easier for you.’

Gabrielle tossed her head impatiently. ‘Nothing will make the loss of you easier.’

Finn put his arm around her and gave her a squeeze. ‘My darling,’ he said, ‘in many ways I wish you and I had not met and fallen in love because it will be harder for us to part. But part we must and our lives must take different paths for some time. When the Army says “March”, then I must march.’

Distressed though Gabrielle was, she knew Finn spoke the truth, and she wished she could hold back time, even for just a little while. Once Finn left St-Omer she would be desperately worried about him. As so many soldiers had already left, he and Christy had been drafted in to help with the wounded again. She was aware that more and more came every day and the hospitals were filled to breaking point.

The talk around the Jobert table at night, and often in the shop too, was of the number of Allied soldiers, and especially British, that had been killed or injured on the battlefield so far, of the disbanded camp, and more and more troops going off to join the carnage being enacted in many areas of France.

Gabrielle never contributed in such discussions. In fact, if she could have done so she would have stopped up her ears so that she didn’t hear such things. She wasn’t stupid, and knew that when Finn left here he would probably soon be in danger, and could well become one of the casualties, but her love was so deep and all consuming that she imagined he could fold it around him like a cloak and it would protect him from any German onslaught.

Bernadette and Raoul arrived in the middle of April, and wished to return the following day. That shook Gabrielle, who thought that she might have another few days’ grace and, despite the risks, she had to see Finn one more time. She communicated this to him in a note that she gave him with his change in the bakery that morning.

It was late that night when Gabrielle went to bed. Yvette was already asleep and Gabrielle forced herself to lie and wait until she heard everyone settle for the night and the house grow quiet.

Then she opened the window carefully. She knew Finn would be waiting for her, though she couldn’t see him for she dare not turn on her torch, her aunt and uncle’s bedroom being only a few feet away. She had never before climbed down the tree with such care, especially as she had the cape in a bundle under her arm.

In the bakery yard Finn had waited so long that he was worried that something had happened to prevent Gabrielle meeting him. He had begun wondering how long he should stay before returning to camp when he heard the distinct rustle of the tree.

Then she was above him, and the next minute in his arms and kissing him, and the next fastening her cape about her. Not a word was spoken until they were in an alleyway well away from the bakery.

Then Gabrielle said, ‘Oh, Finn, have you had to wait a long time?’

‘No matter. You are here now,’ he said.

‘I didn’t think they would ever stop talking and go to bed,’ Gabrielle said. ‘I had already—’

‘Hush,’ said Finn. ‘It is of no consequence. I would wait for you till the end of time. Don’t you know that? Now, let’s hurry. I can barely wait to hold your body close to mine.’

Once inside the farmhouse there was no hesitation. They didn’t light the lamp and so they only had the flickering light of the fire. As Finn began to caress Gabrielle, she helped him remove all her clothes for the very first time. Finn tore off his uniform, and when he too stood naked Gabrielle gasped as even in the dim firelight she could see how aroused he was.

Finn pushed her gently back on the sofa and lay on top of her, skin to skin. She shivered in delicious anticipation, and Finn knew he wanted Gabrielle more than he had ever wanted her before. Yet when she said, ‘Love me, Finn,’ he shook his head.

‘I mustn’t; I dare not,’ he said, though his hands continued to stroke her gently.

‘I will go mad if you do not make love to me tonight,’ Gabrielle said. ‘How can you be so cruel? Can’t you leave me one beautiful memory of you to hold against my heart, until you return for me?’

‘Gabrielle, you know I can’t,’ Finn said huskily.

‘You can, you must,’ Gabrielle said frantically. ‘I tell you, I will die if you do not make love to me tonight.’

‘And I,’ Finn might have said, because he felt as if he was burning up inside, such was the intensity of his desire. He was also well aware that this was the last time, perhaps for years, that he would hold this girl in his arms.

His fingers and hands stroking, caressing and gently kneading were followed by his lips kissing and nuzzling all over Gabrielle’s body. She felt as if she were being consumed by lust for this wondrous man she loved with all her heart, and when he kissed her lips, his tongue darting in and out, her need was so great that she felt as if her body was melting under his touch.

And then came unbidden into Finn’s mind a vision of him marching away and Gabrielle behind and alone, carrying his child in her belly. It took every ounce of his willpower to pull back.

‘What is it?’ Gabrielle said, her voice still husky with desire.

‘Gabrielle,’ Finn said, ‘I do love you so much. Far too much to do this to you.’

‘Oh, no, my darling Finn. Please?’ Gabrielle pleaded.

Finn hesitated. How he wanted to do as Gabrielle was begging him. Shafts of acute desire were pulsating through him, and Gabrielle’s body was all of a tremble. She cried out to Finn again and the picture he had had danced before his eyes again. Then his hands lay still on her body, and he pulled his mouth from hers and he got to his feet, staggering slightly.

‘Don’t you love me any more, Finn?’ Gabrielle asked, and there were tears in her eyes.

‘Love you?’ Finn repeated incredulously. ‘You might as well ask me if the sun never shines. I love you so much that I cannot risk leaving you with a child.’

‘I would love to carry your child,’ Gabrielle said. ‘I would be honoured.’

‘And you will, my darling,’ Finn said. ‘When this war is finally over and we are married. We will have the rest of our lives to make love and each day we will love each other more. Think on that, my darling, darling Gabrielle. Now please, get dressed before I forget myself entirely.’

Gabrielle was still a little upset and very frustrated, but in her heart of hearts she knew that Finn was thinking of her and so she began to put on her clothes.

It was as they were walking back towards the town that she mentioned something that had been worrying her, talking in little above a whisper for sounds carry further in the night.

‘Finn, I hate to think of anything happening to you and that is why I have said nothing until now, but it may, for I know war is no game. But how would I ever know? Would it be all right if I write to your family—if not your parents then your brothers, or your sister?’

Finn could just imagine how such a letter would be received, especially by his mother, and that would probably colour her opinion when he brought Gabrielle home after the war. If she refused to accept her then he would take her somewhere else, but he would hate to be estranged from his father, his brothers and Nuala, and he knew that could so easily happen if his mother took umbrage.

‘My parents know nothing about us as yet,’ he said.

‘Wouldn’t they approve either?’

‘As I said, my mother really is one on her own,’ Finn said. ‘And in all honesty, she finds it hard to approve of anything. As I said, I have told Nuala all about you and my brothers too know a little, but if you wrote to them at the cottage my mother would not be above steaming open the letters.’

‘My father would do that too,’ Gabrielle said.

‘I would have to think very carefully about a letter to my parents telling them about us,’ Finn said. ‘And I think the first approach must come from me, but I will ask the priest.’ Lowering his voice still further as they approached the bakery yard, he went on, ‘Father Clifford was assigned to our battalion as soon as we passed out last spring in Belfast. He is fairly young and one of the worldliest priests I have ever met. I am sure if anything happens to me, he will get word to you, but maybe you will still be in Paris.’