A Rough Diamond

PLATO. We shall have the pleasure of meeting Lady Evergreen, I hope.

SIR W. Certainly – her ladyship is present. You have heard of my choice, and will, I trust, overlook any gaucherie– any —

PLATO. Certainly! I’ve considered the matter, and as there is now no help for it, why, what can’t be cured – I need say no more.

SIR W. Lady Evergreen, permit me to introduce you to my excellent uncle, Lord Plato, and to Lady Plato.

    MARGERY is introduced with some ceremony – On curtseying to LADY PLATO she suddenly stops and stares at her.

MAR. Lord, it’s Polly! Oh, Polly dear, is it you? Oh! how glad I am to see you. Well now, only to think!

LADY P. My dear old friend!

MAR. It is she! Oh, I’m so glad! Oh! that I should see you again – oh my gemini! (to SIR WILLIAM) My dear, she’s my old, my dear, my dearest friend – she was at school at the big house where I used to take fruit from the farm to all the girls, and she took a fancy to me – didn’t you, Polly? and I took a fancy to her, and we used to play together, and sing together, and then she came to my father’s and stopped a whole month when she had the measles. Oh dear! oh! I’m going to cry now – I’m so happy.

SIR W. (to LADY PLATO) Old acquaintance I perceive, my lady.

LADY P. Indeed we are! I cannot express the pleasure, the delight I experience at once more meeting the playmate of my infancy.

MAR. Don’t you remember blind man’s buff, and puss in the corner? Oh, I do, so well! And only to think that you should be married to my husband’s uncle! Lord, you’re my aunt! Oh what fun! (takes LADY PLATO up the Stage)

SIR W. You see, my lord, the choice I have made; but you are aware of my feelings, my motives – I have been disappointed hitherto, but still I hope to succeed.

PLATO. Don’t allude to the matter, I beg. In the refined society of Lady P., your wife will receive more instruction from the force of example than could be accomplished by any system. We’ll leave them together, as I wish to have a little conversation with you on the state of the nation.

SIR W. I’ll attend your lordship with pleasure.

PLATO. (to LADY PLATO) Adieu, my dearest, for a few moments – you will, I know, prefer a little freedom with your old acquaintance. Lady Evergreen will, I’m sure, excuse us.

MAR. Oh yes! and thank you for going.

PLATO. Frank, at any rate! You’ll be delighted with Lady Plato. (to SIR WILLIAM) Such refinement! such intellect! Gigantic, Sir, gigantic! – and such angelic sweetness!

SIR W. Ah! all education – all education!

Exeunt LORD PLATO and SIR WILLIAM at the back, L.H

MAR. Oh, Polly dear! I never thought to see you any more! Let me look at you all over! Yes, it is the same – the same eyes, the same mouth, the same nose – all the same! But you don’t laugh as you used – not look so merry. What’s the matter, dear? – don’t you do as you like? ar’n’t you happy in your mind?

LADY P. A sadness oppresses me that I find very difficult to conquer.

MAR. Your husband worries you, I dare say – mine does sometimes, though he’s very good to me, one way and another. But I don’t like his wanting me to learn so much about nouns, and pronouns, and history – and then he gives me such dull books to read, all about astrology, and chronology, and physiology, and conchology, and etymology, and how many miles the moon’s off – just as if one wanted to know, as long as it shines. I can’t bear it! Give me Robinson Crusoe and the Seven Champions – that’s what I like! But with all his learning I can do what he can’t.

LADY P. What’s that, my dear?

MAR. Get up on a cold morning. Ah! you should only see him try!

LADY P. Your gaiety of heart, my dear Margaret —

MAR. Margery, call me Margery – it sounds more comfortable.

LADY P. My dear Margery —

MAR. That’s it!

LADY P. And animal spirits, are proof against all temperatures.

MAR. Lord! how fine you do talk! you’ll be just the thing for my husband – I wonder whether I shall like yours. He seems a funny old fellow, and so grand too, and so upright, and his hair all so nicely floured over. What did you love him for?

LADY P. To gratify the wishes of my parents; the position that my union insured flattered and pleased me, while it removed the troubles of my family. I am grateful, very grateful, for his lordship’s preference, I confess – but – there’s —

MAR. Somebody else you like better. Well, never mind, dear, you’ll love the old one very well by and by.

CAPTAIN BLENHEIM appears at the back – comes down, L.H

BLEN. I am pretty punctual you see, Lady Evergreen. Is it possible? Mary!

LADY P. Augustus!

MAR. What, do you know one another too? Why, he’s my husband’s old schoolfellow, and we’ve asked him to come and pick a bit with us to-day. Now this is what I like – old friends all meeting together again. Oh! won’t we have a merry evening!

BLEN. I never thought to see you more.

LADY P. This meeting will be most embarrassing! I am here, with my husband, and —

BLEN. You would wish me to retire.

MAR. I can understand – that is the one you like better, is it? Well, never mind, dear, don’t be afraid of your husband meeting him – they won’t fight, will they? and if they do, what o’ that? People that fight are often the best friends in the world when it’s all over.

BLEN. If you request me to leave the house, I can only obey.

MAR. No, no, you mustn’t go – take him to your husband and say right out, “My dear, this is my old sweetheart, and you must not be jealous, and though I did like him once, what o’ that? I’m your wife now, and he can only be a friend, and there’s no harm in a friend coming to see me.” Be upright and downright, my dear – it’s the best way – for where there’s nothing concealed nothing can pop out.

LADY P. There are positions that exact great discretion from us – that absolutely render concealment a necessity, if only to avoid those explanations and confessions that must lead to mortification, if not to unhappiness.

BLEN. May I not exchange one word with you?

LADY P. If you will then immediately leave me, defer your visit here till another day, and not expose me to an embarrassment that will be most painful. Where’s my lord?

MAR. I don’t know, aunt – he’s somewhere about.

LADY P. In the house?

MAR. I think so – talking over the state of the nation with my husband.

LADY P. I must seek him instantly. (to BLENHEIM) Pray do not follow me. (to MARGERY) Say nothing of this meeting, I beg.

BLEN. Listen to me but for one moment, and I will do all that you desire.