Please Don’t Take My Baby and I Miss Mummy 2-in-1 Collection

‘He’s at school then,’ Rachel pointed out.

‘Yeah, I know. But it’s not fair. He can come and go as he likes but I’m stuck here all the time.’ Jade had said something similar to me the evening before, resenting that Courtney was more her responsibility than she was Tyler’s. I’d said that even in two-parent families the mother often assumed the greater responsibility for the practical aspects of parenting. And of course as a single parent Jade was going to have even more responsibility – something she perhaps hadn’t fully considered until now.

‘Jade’s quite tired,’ I said to Rachel to excuse her negativity. ‘I’m helping her all I can. I took her to see her mother yesterday.’

‘How did that go?’ Rachel asked Jade.

‘OK, I guess,’ Jade said with a shrug.

‘I’ll be visiting Jackie later this week,’ Rachel said. ‘I’ll tell her how well you are doing.’

I was pleased Rachel was being so positive. She then asked Jade about her postnatal check-up and I confirmed she had an appointment at the hospital in a month and that the health visitor would be visiting us on Friday. I also said we would be going to the clinic every week to have Courtney weighed and measured.

‘Excellent,’ Rachel said, making another note and smiling at Jade.

Rachel then produced some forms from her bag and explained they were to enable Jade to claim benefit for her and her baby. She handed them to Jade but said they were lengthy and complicated, and suggested I help Jade fill them in, which of course I was happy to do. Rachel then said she’d like to have a chat with Jade alone and I left the two of them in the sitting room. They spoke for about ten minutes while I busied myself in the kitchen; then Rachel thanked me for all I was doing and I saw her to the door.

That evening Meryl, the teacher from Jade’s school, visited, having heard that Jade had had her baby. She gave Jade a congratulatory card, which I stood on the mantelpiece in the sitting room with the others, and also a Mothercare gift voucher for ?30, which was a collection from the staff at school.

‘We didn’t know what baby things you needed,’ Meryl said. ‘So you can choose something.’

Jade thanked her and I suggested she might like to take Meryl upstairs to see Courtney, who was asleep in her cot.

‘Oh, yes please,’ Meryl said.

Jade hauled herself off the sofa and the two of them went up to Jade’s room, where they stayed talking quietly for about fifteen minutes. Then only Meryl came down and into the sitting room, where I was reading to Paula.

‘Jade says she’s going to have a sleep, so I’ve said goodbye,’ Meryl said. ‘I’ll be off now. Thank you.’ Although it was only 7.30 I appreciated that Jade, still recovering from the birth and exhausted from having to get up at night, was tired. I too felt tired from a week of broken nights.

I went with Meryl to the front door. ‘How’s Jade doing?’ Meryl asked.

‘Yes. Very well,’ I said. ‘She needs help, obviously, but that’s only to be expected.’

‘No more binge drinking, then?’ Meryl asked.

‘No,’ I confirmed.

Meryl nodded thoughtfully. ‘Good. Don’t repeat this,’ she said, lowering her voice in confidentiality, ‘but a lot of the staff at school don’t think Jade has what it takes to look after her baby and the sooner she’s adopted the better. I’m more optimistic. I think she can make it. I’ll tell them she’s doing well.’

‘Yes, do,’ I said. ‘And please stop by again. I’m sure Jade would like to see you. She must be getting fed up with just looking at me.’

Meryl smiled, thanked me and we said goodbye.

Jade was still fast asleep at eight o’clock when Courtney woke for a feed, so I decided not to wake her, as the sleep would do her good. I quietly took Courtney out of her cot and went downstairs, where I warmed up a bottle and sat on the sofa in the sitting room and fed her. Paula was in bed but not asleep and soon appeared downstairs in her pyjamas. She sat with me and held Courtney’s little hand while I fed her. Once the bottle was empty and I’d winded Courtney, Paula kissed her goodnight. I took Paula back to her bed, where she kissed Courtney again, and then I went into Jade’s bedroom where, with the light on low so that I wouldn’t disturb Jade, I changed Courtney and settled her in her cot. ‘Night night,’ I whispered and came out.

They were both still soundly asleep when I checked on them before I went to bed at eleven o’clock, although I noticed Jade had changed into her nightwear, so she must have woken at some point and gone back to sleep. Courtney was now in a pattern of four-hourly feeds and woke for her next feed just after midnight. I heard her cries and went round the landing and into their bedroom.

‘Jade, love,’ I said, picking up Courtney so that her crying didn’t wake Adrian and Paula, ‘Courtney needs her bottle.’

‘Can’t you do it?’ she said, turning over. ‘I’m knackered.’

I hesitated. ‘All right. Go back to sleep, then.’

I wrapped the shawl around Courtney and carried her downstairs and through to the kitchen, where I warmed up a bottle, and then went into the sitting room and fed her. It was like old times, sitting on the sofa in the middle of the night and feeding a baby – first Adrian, then Paula, and Harrison. I held her close. Dear, sweet, little Courtney: she was such a beautiful baby and so easy to love. I hoped Jade appreciated just what a treasure she had in her. That Courtney hadn’t been damaged by Jade’s drinking was a miracle and I thanked God they’d both been given this second chance.

Once Courtney had finished feeding and I’d winded her, I returned to Jade’s bedroom to change her and then I settled her in her cot. Jade was still fast asleep, now with one arm around her toy panda, Chi Chi. I went back to bed and four hours later I heard Courtney wake for her next feed. Slipping on my dressing gown I went round to Jade’s room.

‘Jade, love,’ I said. ‘Bottle time.’

‘Can’t you do it?’ she mumbled from beneath the duvet. ‘I’m still knackered.’

Again I hesitated. ‘All right, but you have been in bed since seven thirty.’

There was no reply, so I wrapped Courtney in her shawl and went downstairs, where I warmed up the formula and then fed her in the sitting room. She was hungry and took the bottle quickly, so I was in my bed again at 4.30 a.m. At 6.00 I was woken by the alarm and I climbed out of bed, showered and fell into the weekday routine, exhausted, but at least Jade had benefited from twelve hours’ sleep.

Adrian, Paula and I were finishing breakfast when Courtney woke for her next feed. We heard her cry and I expected Jade to appear to warm up the bottle but she didn’t. After a few moments – when Courtney’s cries were escalating – I left Adrian and Paula to finish eating and I went upstairs and into Jade’s room. Jade had turned over in bed, away from Courtney, and had pulled the duvet over her head to try to block out the noise.

‘Jade, Courtney needs feeding,’ I said, going over to the cot and picking up Courtney.

‘I’m tired,’ came Jade’s muffled response from beneath the duvet. ‘Can you feed her?’

‘No, love,’ I said. ‘I have to take Paula to school soon.’

There was no reply and no sign of Jade getting up, so after a moment and a little more firmly I said: ‘Jade, Courtney needs feeding. You have to warm a bottle now, love.’

A few moments more passed as I waited and soothed Courtney, who was now mouthing for a teat. Jade suddenly threw back the duvet and with a face like thunder got out of bed and stomped off downstairs. I gently rocked Courtney until Jade reappeared, and once they were settled on the bed and Courtney was feeding, I said, ‘I’ll see you soon, then, Jade. Bye, love.’

Jade managed a nod.

By the time I returned home Jade had forgiven me for making her get up. She was in her nightwear in the kitchen cooking herself a fried breakfast, so I guessed she was feeling better. She made me a cup of tea and I drank it at the table while she ate her breakfast and I took the opportunity to say again that she was doing well. I then suggested that once Jill had been to see us we could take Courtney out in the pram and go for a little walk.