A Daughter’s Dream

I awoke with a start that night, shivering and slightly damp because I had been sweating. The room was in darkness and I was trembling as I reached for the switch, flooding the corners with electric light. I was so thankful that my father had had electricity installed when he did up the house. I was shaking too badly to have lit the paraffin lamps that most people in the lanes still used upstairs, though they had gas downstairs.

The dream had been so vivid this time, and it had changed. I was no longer a little girl but a woman. The man who had threatened me had had no face, but I knew exactly how his eyes would look – open and staring as if he were dead.

Getting out of bed, I pulled on my dressing gown and slippers. I would never rest unless I made myself a warm drink and waited for the dream to fade.

I was just making a mug of cocoa in the kitchen when my father came in, also dressed in pyjamas and a comfortable old robe.

‘Did I wake you?’

‘I wasn’t asleep. Some nights I don’t sleep much any more, then I come down and make myself a drink.’

I looked anxiously at him. He wasn’t ill, was he? ‘Have some of mine. I’ve made enough for two. In the lodgings I shared in Bournemouth there was always someone to share it.’

‘Are you missing that? I know there isn’t much for you to do here, Amy.’

‘I think I should get a job, Daddy.’

‘There’s no need for you to do that. Unless you want to?’

‘As you said, there isn’t much for me to do here.’

‘Your mother thought you might like to help with the flowers for her stalls sometimes, what with you being good at artistic things. She sells quite a few of her arrangements these days. People come from all over to buy them. She has made quite a reputation for herself. I’ve offered to set her up in a shop but Bridget has always liked market trading.’

‘Yes, I know.’ I smiled at him, feeling a warm affection for this man who loved us all so much. He was so very special. ‘I don’t mind helping while I’m here.’

‘You’re thinking of going somewhere?’

‘Lainie wants me to live and work with her. It’s just until I get married, and the money would help Matthew buy his house. It’s the sort of shop I would enjoy working in, Dad, with a good clientele, and I can work on my designs in the evenings sometimes. It would only be until Matthew can afford to get married.’

‘I’ve told you I shall give you both a good wedding present. Matthew could set himself up in the shop he wants now if he wasn’t so stubborn. I should count it a privilege to help that young man’

‘You know he won’t let you. He wants to do it by himself. He’s so independent!’

‘Can’t say I disagree with the idea, Amy. I started with nothing. It’s the right way to be, but if you are unhappy …’

‘I had the dream again.’ I paused to sip my drink. ‘It was the first time for ages. I think it’s being here in the lanes.’

My father looked worried, then annoyed. ‘It was Ernie Cole who frightened you, Amy. He was drunk and he shouted at you, but that’s all that happened. Besides, he’s dead now. He can’t hurt you or your mother any more.’

Ernie Cole had tried to attack my mother some months previously, but Kathy Ryan had stopped him. He’d turned on her then, beating her senseless, and she’d been in hospital for weeks. Thankfully she had recovered and now she was married to my uncle, Tom O’Rourke, and living in America. Ernie Cole had hung himself over the banisters in his home.

‘I don’t remember Mr Cole shouting at me, Daddy. I’m not even sure it’s anything to do with that – it’s just the man with the staring eyes. And it’s different now.’

‘In what way different?’

‘I’ve grown up in the dream, and I don’t think it’s the same man. I can’t see his eyes or his face now, I just know he’s going to hurt me and there’s nothing I can do to stop him.’

‘Perhaps you should see a doctor, Amy. I mean a special one who helps people who have bad dreams.’

‘I’m not ill, Dad. Most of the time I’m happy and normal. I shan’t have the dream at Lainie’s. I never do.’

He was silent for a while and then he nodded. ‘I’ll speak to your mother. She won’t like it. I know she was looking forward to spending some time with you, perhaps buying a few things for your bottom drawer.’

‘We can still do that, Daddy. I don’t want to disappoint you or Mum. I’ll visit sometimes, and she can meet me up West for a shopping trip and lunch on my half day off – but I can’t live here, not all the time.’

My father sighed and finished his half of the cocoa.

‘You haven’t disappointed me, Amy. I want you to make something of your life, and I approve of Matthew. I just wish that he would let me help him get started. You will be safe married to that young man. I would rather you were married than living with Lainie.’

‘Matthew says it will be at least another year.’

‘Then I suppose I shall have to give my permission, but leave it to me, Amy. Your mother is bound to be upset, and I want to talk to her in my own way.’

‘Yes, of course, Daddy. You know I love you both. I don’t want to hurt either of you.’

‘Leave it with me.’

I nodded and finished my cocoa in silence. My father was a man of few words but you didn’t argue with him. When he said he would do something he did it, but you couldn’t hurry him.

I washed the mugs, leaving them clean and dried back on the stained pine dresser where I had found them. Everything in my mother’s kitchen was spotless and in its place, and she did most of the work herself. There was a woman who came in to scrub floors and clean windows, but my mother was always busy. When my father told her to rest, she laughed and shook her head.

‘I like to be busy, Joe. I was brought up to it and you won’t change me now.’

‘I wouldn’t want to change you, lass, but I don’t want you wearing yourself out.’

As I went back to bed I was anxious in case I had the dream again. However, the milky drink had done its work and within a short time I was asleep. If I had a dream this time it did not disturb me.

‘I don’t like the idea of you living with Lainie,’ my mother said, looking at me unhappily. ‘I know you’ll be safe enough with her. Lainie has promised me she will take care of you, but I still wish you would stay home with us.’

‘I’ll come and see you every week on my day off,’ I promised. ‘Please don’t say I can’t go, Mum. Lainie is going to pay me three pounds to start and more when I know what I’m doing.’

‘If it was only money …’

‘You know it isn’t, don’t you?’

My mother sighed and looked at me sadly. ‘Ernie Cole has a lot to answer for! I shall never forgive him for shouting at you that day, Amy. You were so frightened and I don’t know what would have happened if your father hadn’t come along when he did. It was because he hated me, of course.’

‘Why should Mr Cole hate you?’

‘It’s a long story. He wanted to marry me once but I wouldn’t look at him then. Then he got a girl into trouble and married her. I might have married him when I was ready if he hadn’t.’

‘I’m glad you didn’t!’

‘So am I,’ she said and smiled. ‘Very glad. Your father is the man for me. And he says we must let you go to Lainie’s, so I suppose we must. Just be careful, Amy. There are a lot of people you can’t trust, and they don’t all live in the lanes. Some of them look respectable and talk as if they’ve got a plum in their mouth, but underneath they are worse than the lowest scum.’

‘I’m not a little girl, Mum. I do know that some people aren’t what they seem. Besides, I’m in love with Matthew. I shan’t be going out with other men – respectable or not.’

‘I know you’re not a child, Amy.’ My mother laughed. She had a wonderful smile and most people who knew her loved her. ‘I expect I’m fussing too much, but you will be careful?’