A Daughter’s Dream

‘Take me home! You don’t care about me a bit.’

‘Don’t be a fool!’ Matthew reached out for me, pulling me roughly into his arms. For a moment I fought him, but then I gave a sob of despair. ‘It’s only six months, my darling. I’ll telephone you at Lainie’s and I’ll come and visit as often as I can.’

‘You promise?’

He nodded, and then he was kissing me, his mouth taking hungry possession of mine, his tongue flicking inside my mouth as I opened to him. I clung to him desperately, feeling that I never wanted him to let me go. I was heedless, ready to do whatever he asked, needing this moment to last forever.

‘Oh, Amy,’ he croaked as he let me go. ‘Perhaps it’s as well that I’m going away. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out. I want you so much …’

‘I want you, Matt. Make love to me … Everything.’

He shook his head and looked rueful. ‘That isn’t going to work, Amy. I’m not irresponsible and I don’t want to run any risks now. It would be awful for you if you fell for a baby and I was away. You would feel guilty and upset and I wouldn’t be here to comfort you. No, my darling, much as you tempt me, I’m going to wait.’

I knew there was no persuading him. Matthew had a will of iron. Besides, he was right. If we went all the way now I might fall for a baby before we could get married and my father would be disappointed in me. He trusted me and loved me. I didn’t want to see hurt or shame in his eyes.

‘Perhaps it is best if you go for a while,’ I said huskily. ‘But it’s going to seem such a long time …’

Two (#ulink_73d37411-e829-58d7-842e-a083f07fd68a)

‘I’ve changed the single wardrobe in your room for a double one,’ Lainie said as she helped me carry my cases up the back stairs. ‘You’ll need more space now that you’ve come for a longer stay.’

The new wardrobe wasn’t the only change she’d made. As we went into the bedroom I saw that she had hung pretty cream lace curtains at the windows and the bed was covered in a quilt edged with the same lace. Lainie had cleaned the dark walnut furniture with lavender-scented polish, and there were lace mats under the rose-patterned china pots on the dressing table. A vase of roses had been placed on a table by the window.

‘It looks lovely,’ I told her. ‘You’ve been to so much trouble for my sake.’

‘It wasn’t any trouble,’ she assured me. ‘I’m pleased you’ve come, Amy. One of my best girls is leaving to get married soon and I need someone I can trust.’

‘I don’t know much about the business, Aunt Lainie.’

‘You will soon learn. Just watch the other girls for a start. I’ll show you how to pack a gown myself – there’s an art to getting it right so that it doesn’t crease during delivery – and the till is simple to work. If a customer wants to pay by account come and ask me first. Quite a few of my better-class ladies ask for the account to be sent to their husband, but there are one or two with outstanding accounts to be settled. In that case I shall deal with it myself.’

‘That must be a little embarrassing for you – if you have to say no.’

‘Not at all. It just means that I promise to deliver as soon as a payment is made. I keep the gown for a week and then it goes back on sale if the account isn’t paid. Business is business, Amy. If you let people get away with things they walk right over you.’

It was when she spoke in that tone of voice that people thought she was hard. Lainie could be tough when she needed to, and I suspected that life had taught her to look out for herself. I was certain now that something unpleasant had happened to her when she was younger, and that it had been something to do with the mysterious man my mother seemed to fear.

‘So will you be able to settle here?’ Lainie was looking at me anxiously.

‘Yes, of course, it’s lovely.’ I smiled at her. ‘I’m looking forward to starting work.’

‘Well, that won’t be until tomorrow. We’ve got the afternoon to ourselves, Amy, which is why I suggested you come on a Sunday. I thought we might have tea somewhere and listen to a concert in the park. Or we could go to the pictures?’

‘There’s a new Valentino film on at the Regal Cinema,’ I said. ‘Or have you seen it already?’

‘Yes, I did go with a friend,’ Lainie said, and I thought I detected a faint flush in her cheeks. ‘But I wouldn’t mind seeing it again with you.’

‘He’s so good, isn’t he?’ We laughed together, feeling a little silly but sharing our enthusiasm for the film star who had had women swooning ever since his first picture was released. ‘Mum said she wouldn’t cross the road to see him, but I think he’s wonderful.’

‘Bridget always was sensible,’ Lainie said and then pulled a wry face. ‘It’s a pity I wasn’t more like her … But that’s water under the bridge. I’m going to put the kettle on now and make us a cup of tea. You unpack your things, Amy. I’ll call you when it’s ready.’

‘Thanks, Lainie.’

I hung my clothes in the spacious wardrobe, packing my underwear and three brand new packets of Red Seal silk stockings into the chest of drawers. The stockings had been a gift from Matthew before he left for Manchester.

‘Think about me when you’re wearing them,’ he’d said with a naughty look and then kissed me. ‘I shall lie in bed and imagine you putting them on. You have the most fabulous legs, Amy, especially when you wear that French outfit.’

My father had bought me a little suit in the new style made fashionable by the French designer, Coco Chanel. It had a very short skirt, which finished only just below my knees, and a jacket that was soft and looked like a tailored cardigan. The style was so much more relaxed than the fashions women had worn before the war, and my mother had been slightly shocked when she saw me wearing it for the first time.

‘It’s hardly decent, Amy!’

‘Everyone is wearing short skirts now, Mum.’

‘I’m not – at least, not that short.’

‘Daddy bought it for me.’

‘Sometimes I wonder if your father has the sense he was born with, so I do.’

She always resorted to her Irishness when she was losing an argument, but I could see she was laughing inside.

‘You’re teasing me, Mum!’

‘O’ course I am, Amy. You look very pretty, so you do – a young lady of the twenties, very modern and stylish. I’m glad you haven’t had your hair cut short, though. It’s so pretty as it is.’

My hair was dark brown and hung in soft waves to my shoulders. Matthew liked it that way, and begged me not to when I had thought of having it cut into a fashionable bob. He said my eyes were green when I was angry, but I thought they were really more of a hazel colour. My mother and Matthew both said I was beautiful, but they were biased in my favour. The truth was probably that I was an attractive, modern young woman who liked to look nice.

I hung up the outfit Matthew liked so much. Lainie had provided me with more than enough space for my clothes, and I left the bottom drawer of the chest empty. I would buy something every week for my new home, such as pillow-cases or towels – just little things we would need when we got married.

‘Oh, Matt,’ I sighed as I glanced at myself in the wardrobe mirror. ‘It’s going to be such a long, long time without you.’

Picking up my folder of designs, I flicked through them, quickly becoming absorbed as I thought about some new ideas I wanted to work on. If I couldn’t see Matthew, I would just have to spend more time on my work.

I had been staying with Lainie for a week when I found the gun in the top right-hand drawer of the bureau in her sitting room. She had run out of postage stamps when writing out accounts in her office downstairs, but remembered having put some in her personal writing bureau.

‘Would you pop up and fetch them for me, Amy?’ she asked.

‘Of course.’

‘I think I left them in the top drawer, the one on the left.’

I nodded and went through the door at the back of the office to the stairs leading to her private apartments. Running up the stairs, I opened the drawer to the left first, but after hunting for a few seconds I discovered the stamps were not there. So I opened the drawer to the right, and there, lying on top of what looked like some old letters, was the gun.

The shock of seeing it there made me go cold all over and I shut the drawer quickly. Why did Lainie keep a pistol in her desk? Could she use it? I suspected she could or she would not have bought it. When my aunt made up her mind to do something, she did it properly.

‘I came to tell you the stamps are in the silver box.’ I turned to find Lainie watching me. ‘You found the gun, of course. I keep it for protection, Amy. A woman living alone can’t be too careful.’

‘Would you use it?’ I was fascinated; a little shocked at this revelation.