The History of the Devil, As Well Ancient as Modern: In Two Parts

No, Madam, says I, I know that very well; nor do you need any better Shape than that you appear in, ’tis most exquisitely fine; all the World knows you are a compleat Beauty, and that is a clear Evidence what you would be if your present appearing Form was reduced to its proper Personality.

Appearing Form! says she, why, what would you make an Apparition of me?

An Apparition! Madam, said I, yes, to be sure; why you know, you are nothing else but an Apparition; and what else would you be, when it is so infinitely to your Advantage?

With that, she turn’d pale and angry, and then rose up hastily, and look’d into the Glass, (a large Peer-glass being in the Room) where she stood, surveying her self from Head to Foot, with Vanity not a little.

I took that Time to slip away, and running up into my Apartment, I fetch’d my Magic Glass as I call’d it, in which I had a hollow Case so framed behind a Looking-glass, that in the first; she would see her own Face only; in the second, she would see the Devil’s Face, ugly and frightful enough, but dress’d up with a Lady’s Head-Clothes in a Circle, the Devil’s Face in the Center, and as it were at a little Distance behind.

I came down again so soon that she did not think the Time long, especially having spent it in surveying her fair self; when I return’d, I said, Come, Madam, do not trouble your self to look there, that is not a Glass capable of shewing you any thing; come, take this Glass.

It will shew me as much of my self, says she, a little scornfully, as I desire to see; so she continued looking in the Peer-glass; after some time more (for seeing her a little out of Humour, I waited to see what Observations she would make) I ask’d her if she had view’d her self to her Satisfaction? She said she had, and she had seen nothing of Devil about her. Come, Madam, said I, look here; and with that I open’d the Looking-glass, and she look’d in it, but saw nothing but her own Face; Well, says she, the Glasses agree well enough, I see no Difference; what can you make of it? With that I took it a little away; Don’t you? says I, then I shou’d be mistaken very much; so I look’d in it my self, and giving it a Turn imperceptible to her, I shew’d it her again, where she saw the Devil indeed, dress’d up like a fine Lady, but ugly, and Devil like as could be desired for a Devil to be.

She started, and cry’d out most horribly, and told me, she thought I was more of a Devil than she, for that she knew nothing of all those Tricks, and I did it to fright her, she believ’d I had rais’d the Devil.

I told her it was nothing but her own natural Picture, and that she knew well enough, and that I did not shew it her to inform her of it, but to let her know that I knew it too; that so she might make no Pretences of being offended when I talk’d familiarly to her of a Thing of this Nature.

Very well; so, says she, I am a real frightful Devil, am I?

O, Madam, says I, don’t say, Am I? why you know what you are, don’t you? A Devil! ay, certainly; as sure as the rest of the World believes you a Lady.

I had a great deal of farther Discourse with her upon that Subject, tho’ she would fain have beat me off of it, and two or three times she put the Talk off, and brought something else on; but I always found Means to revive it, and to attack her upon the Reality of her being a Devil, till at last I made her downright angry, and then she shew’d it.

First she cried, told me I came to affront her, that I would not talk so if Sir Ed — was by; and that she ought not to be used so. I endeavour’d to pacify her, and told her I had not treated her with any Indecency, nor I would not; because while she thought fit to walk Abroad incog. it was none of my Business to discover her; that if she thought fit to tell Sir Ed — any thing of the Discourse, she was very welcome, or to conceal it, (which I thought the wisest Course) she should do just as she pleas’d; but I made no question I should convince Sir E — her Husband, that what I said was just, and that I was really so; whether it was for her Service or no for him to know it, was for her to consider.

This calm’d her a little, and she look’d hard at me a Minute without speaking a Word, when on a sudden she broke out thus: And you will undertake, says she, to convince Sir Ed — that he has married a Devil, will ye? A fine Story indeed! and what follows? why then it must follow that the Child I go with (for she was big with Child) will be a Devil too, will it? A fine Story for Sir Ed — indeed! isn’t it?

I don’t know that, Madam, said I, that’s as you order it; by the Father’s Side, said I, I know it will not, but what it may by the Mother’s Side, that’s a Doubt I can’t resolve till the Devil and I talk farther about it.

You and the Devil talk together! says she, and looks rufully at me; why do you talk with the Devil then?

Ay, Madam, says I, as sure as ever you did your self; besides, said I, can you question that? Pray who am I talking to now?

I think you are mad, says she; why you will make Devils of all the Family, it may be, and particularly I must be with Child of a Devil, that’s certain.

No, Madam, said I, ’tis not certain, as I said before, I question it.

Why you say I am the Devil, the Child, you know, has always most of the Mother in it, then that must be a Devil too I think, what else can it be, says she?

I can’t tell that, Madam, said I; that’s as you agree among your selves, this Kind does not go by Generation; that’s a Dispute foreign to the present Purpose.

Then I entred into a Discourse with her of the Ends and Purposes for which the Devil takes up such beautiful Forms as hers, and why it always gave me a Suspicion when I saw a Lady handsomer than ordinary, and set me upon the Search to be satisfied whether she was really a Woman or an Apparition? a Lady or a Devil? allowing all along that her being a Devil was quite out of the Question.

Upon that very Foot, she took me up again roundly, and so, says she, you are very civil to me through all your Discourse, for I see it ends all in that, and you take it as a thing confest, that I am a Devil! A very pretty piece of good Usage indeed! says she; I thank you for it.

Nay, Madam, says I, do not take it ill of me, for I only discover to you that I knew it; I do not tell it you as a Secret, for you are satisfied of that another way.

Satisfied of what? says she, that I am a Devil? I think the Devil’s in you: And so began to be hot.

A Devil! yes, Madam, says I, without doubt a meer Devil; take it as you please, I can’t help that: And so I began to take it ill that she should be disgusted at opening such a well-known Truth to her.

With that she discover’d it all at once, for she turn’d Fury, in the very Letter of it; flew out in a Passion, rail’d at me, curst me most heartily, and immediately disappeared; which you know is the particular Mark of a Spirit or Apparition.

We had a great deal of Discourse besides this, relating to several other young Ladies of her Acquaintance, some of which, I said, were mere Apparitions like her self; and told her which were so, and which not; and the Reason why they were so, and for what Uses and Purposes, some to delude the World one way, and some another; and she was pretty well pleased to hear that, but she could not bear to hear her own true Character, which however, as cunning as she was, made her act the Devil at last, as you have heard; and then vanished out of my sight.

I have seen her in Miniature several Times since; but she proves her self still to be the Devil of a Lady, for she bears Malice, and will never forgive me, that I would not let her be an Angel; but like a very Devil as she is, she endeavours to kill me at a Distance; and indeed the Poison of her Eyes, (Basilisk-like) is very strong, and she has a strange Influence upon me; but I that know her to be a Devil, strive very hard with my self to drive the Memory of her out of my Thoughts.

I have had two or three Engagements since this, with other Apparitions of the same Sex, and I find they are all alike, they are willing enough to be thought Angels, but the Word Devil does not go down at all with them: But ’tis all one, whenever we see an Apparition, it is so natural to say we have seen the Devil, that there’s no prevailing with Mankind to talk any other Language. A Gentleman of my Acquaintance, the other Day, that had courted a Lady a long time, had the Misfortune to come a little suddenly upon her, when she did not expect him, and found her in such a Rage at some of her Servants, that it quite disorder’d her, especially a Footman; the Fellow had done something that was indeed provoking, but not sufficient to put her into such a Passion, and so out of her self; nor was she able to restrain her self when she saw her Lover come in, but damn’d the Fellow, and rag’d like a Fury at him.

My Friend did his best to compose her, and begg’d the Fellow’s Pardon of her, but it would not do; nay, the poor Fellow made all the Submissions that could be expected, but ’twas the same thing: And so the Gentleman, not caring to engage himself farther than became him, withdrew, and came no more at her for three Days, in all which time she was hardly cool.

The next Day my Friend came to me, and talking of it in Confidence to me, I am afraid, says he, I am going to marry a She Devil, and so told me the Story; I took no Notice to him, but finding out his Mistress, and taking proper Measures, with some of my particular Skill, I soon found out that it was really so, that she was a mere Apparition; and had it not been for that accidental Disorder of her Passions, which discover’d her Inside, she might indeed have cheated any Man, for she was a lovely Devil as ever was seen; she talk’d like an Angel, sung like a Syren, did every thing, and said every thing that was taking and charming: But what then? it was all Apparition, for she was a mere Devil. It is true, my Friend marry’d her, and tho’ she was a Devil without doubt, yet either she behav’d so well, or he was so good, I never could hear him find Fault with her.

These are particular Instances; but alas! I could run you a Length beyond all those Examples, and give you such a List of Devils among the gay Things of the Town, that would fright you to think of; and you would presently conclude, with me, that all the perfect Beauties are Devils, mere Apparitions; but Time and Paper fails, so we must only leave the Men the Caution, let them venture at their Peril. I return to the Subject.

We have a great many charming Apparitions of like kind go daily about the World in compleat Masquerade, and, tho’ we must not say so, they are in themselves mere Devils, wicked dangerous murthering Devils, that kill various Ways, some, Basilisk-like, with their Eyes; some Syren-like, with their Tongues; all Murtherers, even from the Beginning: It is true, ’tis pity these pretty Apparitions should be Devils, and be so mischievous as they are; but since it is so, I can do no less than to advertise you of it, that you may shun the Devil in whatever Shape you meet with him.

Again, there are some half Devils, they say, like the Sagittarii, half Man, half Horse, or rather like the Satyr, who, they say, is half Devil, half Man; or, like my Lord Bishop, who, they say, was half-headed; whether they mean half-witted or no, I do not find Authors agreed about it: But if they had voted him such, it had been as kind a thing as any they cou’d say of him, because it would have clear’d him from the Scandal of being a Devil, or half a Devil, for we don’t find the Devil makes any Alliance with F – ls.

Then as to merry Devils, there’s my Master G —, he may indeed have the Devil in him, but it must be said, to the Credit of Possession in general, that Satan would have scorn’d to have entred into a Soul so narrow that there was not room to hold him, or to take up with so discording a Creature, so abject, so scoundrel, as never made a Figure among Mankind greater than that of a Thief, a Moroder, moulded up into Quality, and a Raparee dress’d up a-la-Masque, with a Robe and a Coronet.

Some little Dog-kennel Devil may indeed take up his Quarters in or near him, and so run into and out of him as his Drum beats a Call; but to him that was born a Devil, Satan, that never acts to no purpose, cou’d not think him worth being possess’d by any thing better than a Devil of a dirty Quality; that is to say, a Spirit too mean to wear the Name of Devil, without some Badge or Addition of Infamy and Meanness to distinguish it by.

Thus what Devil of Quality would be confin’d to a P – n, who inheriting all the Pride and Insolence of his Ancestors, without one of their good Qualities; the Bully, the Billingsgate, and all the hereditary ill Language of his Family, without an Ounce of their Courage; that has been rescued five or six times from the Scandal of a Coward, by the Bravery, and at the Hazard of Friends, and never fail’d to be ungrateful; that if ever he committed a Murther, did it in cold Blood, because no body could prove he ever had any hot; who possess’d with a Poltroon Devil, was always wickeder in the Dark, than he durst be by Day-light; and who, after innumerable passive Sufferings, has been turned out of human Society, because he could not be kick’d or cuff’d either into good Manners or good Humour.

To say this was a Devil, an Apparition, or even a half Devil, would be unkind to Satan himself, since tho’ he (the Devil) has so many Millions of inferior Devils under his Command, not one cou’d be found base enough to match him, nor one Devil found but what would think himself dishonour’d to be employ’d about him.

Some merry good-for-nothing Devils we have indeed, which we might, if we had room, speak of at large, and divert you too with the Relation, such as my Lady Hatt’s Devil in Essex, who upon laying a Joiner’s Mallet in the Window of a certain Chamber, would come very orderly and knock with it all Night upon the Window, or against the Wainscot, and disturb the Neighbourhood, and then go away in the Morning, as well satisfied as may be; whereas if the Mallet was not left, he would think himself affronted, and be as unsufferable and terrifying as possible, breaking the Windows, splitting the Wainscot, committing all the Disorders, and doing all the Damage that he was able to the House, and to the Goods in it. And again, such as the Druming Devil in the Well at Oundle in Northamptonshire, and such like.

A great many antick Devils have been seen also, who seem’d to have little or nothing to do, but only to assure us that they can appear if they please, and that there is a Reality in the thing call’d Apparition.

As to Shadows of Devils, and imaginary Appearances, such as appear, and yet are invisible at the same time, I had thought to have bestow’d a Chapter upon them by themselves, but it may be as much to the Purpose to let them alone, as to meddle with them; ’tis said our old Friend Luther used to be exceedingly troubled with such invisible Apparitions, and he tells us much of them, in what they call his Table-talk; but with Master Luther’s leave, tho’ the Devil passes for a very great Lyar, I could swallow many things of his own proper making, as soon as some of those I find in a Book that goes by his Name, particularly the Story of the Devil in a Basket, the Child flying out of the Cradle, and the like.

In a word, the walking Devils that we have generally among us, are of the female Sex; whether it be that the Devil finds less Difficulty to manage them, or that he lives quieter with them, or that they are fitter for his Business than the Men, I shall not now enter into a Dispute about that; perhaps he goes better disguis’d in the fair Sex than otherwise; Antiquity gives us many Histories of She-Devils, such as we can very seldom match for Wickedness among the Men; such now as in the Text, Lot’s Daughters, Joseph’s Mistress, Sampson’s Dalilah, Herod’s Herodias, these were certainly Devils, or play’d the Devil sufficiently in their Turn; one Male Apparition indeed the Scripture furnishes you with, and that is Judas; for his Master says expresly of him, One of you is a Devil; not has the Devil, or is possess’d of the Devil; but really is a Devil, or is a real Devil.

How happy is it, that this great Secret comes thus to be discover’d to mankind? Certainly the World has gone on in Ignorance a long time, and at a strange rate, that we should have so many Devils continually walking about among us in humane Shape, and we know it not.

Philosophers tell us that there is a World of Spirits, and many learned Pieces of Guess-work they make at it, representing the World to be so near us, that the Air, as they describe it, must be full of Dragons and Devils, enough to fright our Imaginations with the very Thoughts of them; and if they say true, ’tis our great Felicity that we cannot see any farther into it than we do, which if we could, would appear as frightful as Hell itself; but none of those Sages ever told us, till now, that half the People who converse with us are Apparitions, especially of the Women; and among them especially this valuable Part, the Woman of Figure, the fair, the beautiful, or patch’d and painted.

This unusual Phænomenon has been seen but a little while, and but a little way, and the general Part of Mankind cannot come into the same Notions about it; nay, perhaps they will all think it strange; but be it as strange as it will, the Nature of the Thing confirms it, this lower Sphere is full of Devils; and some of both Sexes have given strange Testimonies of the Reality of their pre-existent Devilism for many Ages past, tho’ I think it never came to that Height as it has now.

It is true, in former times Satan dealt much in old Women, and those, as I have observ’d already, very ugly, Ugly as a Witch, Black as a Witch, I look like a Witch, all proverbial Speeches, and which testify’d what Tools it was Satan generally work’d with; and these old Spectres, they tell us, us’d to ride thro’ the Air in the Night, and upon Broomsticks too, all mighty homely Doings; some say they us’d to go to visit their Grand Seignior the Devil, in those Nocturnal Perambulations: But be that as it will, ’tis certain the Devil has chang’d hands, and that now he walks about the World cloth’d in Beauty, cover’d with the Charms of the Lovely, and he fails not to disguise himself effectually by it, for who would think a beautiful Lady could be a Masque to the Devil? and that a fine Face, a divine Shape, a heavenly Aspect, should bring the Devil in her Company, nay, should be herself an Apparition, a mere Devil.

The Enquiry is indeed worth our while, and therefore I hope all the enamour’d Beaus and Boys, all the Beauty-hunters and Fortune-hunters, will take heed, for I suppose if they get the Devil, they will not complain for want of a Fortune; and there’s Danger enough, I assure you, for the World is full of Apparitions, non rosa sine spinis; not a Beauty without a Devil, the old Women Spectres, and the young Women Apparitions; the ugly ones Witches, and the handsome ones Devils; Lord ha’ Mercy, and a ✠ may be Set on the Man’s Door that goes a courting.

Chap. VIII

Of the Cloven-Foot walking about the World without the Devil, (viz.) of Witches making Bargains for the Devil, and particularly of selling the Soul to the Devil