Unlimited

Victoria kept silence letting his gentle hands move over shoulders, waist…

‘I don’t want you to come again when I call you.’

‘It’s a lie, Victoria, again.’ Kharon took his hands away from her. ‘So, tell me about your insanity which filled you in the park. Tell me, what you felt. How do you call it? Betrayal?

The girl turned to him. Kharon was completely in his birthday suit.

‘Why are you naked?’ she asked in surprise.

‘Well, I have been busy with things where you do not need clothes. I heard your voice and the same ghastly Latin.’ The demon moved his hand over his hips, not touching the body and there were white trousers appeared. ‘…Not to confuse you, Victoria.’ He smiled.

Having turned away from him, the girl closed her eyes and whispered about the same insanity. She couldn’t still believe her eyes. She was sure that they lied to her.

‘So, you were in the park?’ she asked in an affirmative voice.

‘When you were with your boy and lost yourself in thoughts, with no knowing how to get rid of his awkward and untalented caress and absurd obtrusiveness? When you knew him to have betrayed your relationship, but you didn’t have any facts? Yes, I was there. I helped you put the things right.’

‘Who was that woman near you?’

‘You noticed her, didn’t you? It’s a good sign.’ Kharon smiled. ‘A woman from my dream. To alias time and space is not a hard deal for a demon of such level as I am.’

Victoria was examining the smiling hell envoy and didn’t know what to say. How often is there a moment when a person doesn’t know what to say? You don’t pretend not to know while you have many things on your mind, but you don’t really know what to say. Silence. Chaotic, empty thoughts run inside of burnt by ideas brain semi sphere. You don’t know what out of bemuse stream is going to be the truth. There is a fear not to be clear. There is an apprehension to hear unexpected answer.

The demon leaned forward and muttered sweetly in her ear.

‘Jealousy, dear. Are you really going to be jealous of the incubus?’

There were irony and mockery heard in his voice. The girl didn’t need to answer or tell him something. He saw clearly her feeling true emotions.

‘No…’ Vic answered confused and surprised simultaneously.

‘No?’ Kharon asked again, grinning, ‘You are so liar. Victoria, tell me the truth, just for once.’

The girl shook her head, covered her face with her hands. The demon gently took her hands, holding them behind her back. His amber eyes were burning her face. He ogled her slightly smiling.

‘Victoria… Tell me, do you know that a lie is one of the deadly sins which you are going to have responsibility for one day? Do you believe in it?’

The girl said nothing. She was afraid of speaking anything. She didn’t move a muscle, enjoying gentle touches of the vehement man.

‘I’ve committed many sins already. So, what’s difference to hold responsibility for a sin or sins? And no, I didn’t. Before you appeared, I was always an atheist. Now… Now I’m not still sure what you are and from, and what I should believe in. I think you’re a professional actor or… I don’t know. I’ve never believed in demons. There’s never been any mystical things in my entire life. I always laughed at those who were dreaming about to be bitten by vampires. But now… Now in thought I’m looking for an in-patient bed in a mental health facility.’

Kharon was looking at the girl silently without touching her. How many times did he hear women speaking about insanity? How many times did they murmur him about soundless, vacuum common sense falling into a black material where there was no way back? Kharon frowned, lowered his eyes and asked himself only one question.

‘Why’

‘What why?’ Victoria asked again in surprise.

‘Why do people call themselves insane at every turn?’

‘I don’t understand you.’

‘Do you know how many times I heard the word insanity? More than thousands! People always want to be insane! I am in love means I am insane. I killed – I am insane. I do not want to go to the sea – I am insane. I want that man – I am insane. A demon came to me – I am insane. Each human move, a little bit unusual, is described by metaphorical, epic poems and decadences about insanity. Why?’

Vitoria owlishly looked at Kharon. It’s true. Why? Why do people reject themselves, their true feelings and desires? Why are they easier to say that they are mentally deficient than to accept themselves?

Fear is a reason. I’m in love – I’m insane. Where have you ever heard things like love let the common sense be at its place? People who felt love, can’t come around for a long time.

I killed – I’m insane. The society standards. Could a mentally fit person be able to kill? The answer is damn easy – no! What if a murder with some exclusiveness then insanity gets periods?

A woman craving for a man is that insane, too? Of course! The modern world order conception says that it is unpleasant and uncultured for women to want someone. They aren’t taught to take the first step to a man. It’s a disgraceful shame. If she dares to want a man and blabs her immoral desire it is deadly.

‘I don’t know, Kharon…’ she gave a shrug of the shoulders.

‘Listen to me, the human child, cultivated by urban system of artificial values and priorities’ the demon touched her face, ‘you are not insane. Do you know, why? Because the reality is multifaceted. I am tired of that you, people, thump your chests, declaiming you believe in nothing and nobody but in the evening, when no one can see you, you read psalms, calling for God. I am tired of that you do not believe in curses, but you curse everyone and beg for forgiveness for your words. You do not believe but spit over the shoulder and knock on wood. Why? Why do you lie yourselves?’

‘Because we’re afraid of the truth. We’re afraid of future which is hidden behind the truth. We’re afraid of those we don’t understand. Maybe, that’s why.’ Victoria was looking into his eyes like she was hypnotized.

Kharon sighed and lowered his head. He sometimes was too tired of people.

‘I have to come back. I must finish what I have started before she wakes up. I would like to give you a piece of advice for the future. Never try to slap a demon in the face again. I don’t like it. Most of all that I don’t like you doing this because you just couldn’t resist having pleasure, could you? Puzzle your desires out, Victoria.’

Kharon gave her an unpleasant smile and disappeared, having left the girl to think of her behaviour and desires.

‘Vic!’ the mother called behind the door, ‘You’re sleeping there, aren’t you?’

‘No!’ the girl answered immediately, turned off the tap.

‘Sure?’

‘Yes, yes, I am! I’m coming. Give me two minutes!’

‘Don’t hurry. I just wanted to know if you’re ok.’

“Puzzled out your desires, Victoria…” The last sentence that Kharon said was circling around her head unrestrained. Vic had puzzled her desires out long ago, but she couldn’t puzzle her consciousness, society values, surrounding persons’ meanings out.

For her the most terrible phobia was how society would see her. Certainly, you would hardly surprise with casual sex five minutes after having made acquaintance. Nobody said that it was ok, but nobody stopped it. And Victoria, certainly, wasn’t afraid of that, neither dishonourable nor that casual stupid sex.

Victoria found more terrible thing than society – it was God.

After the last demon’s visit when Vic was in bed, quiet music was playing on the background, muffling the darkness, the girl suddenly realized that if there were demons and deuces then there was God and angels. On the one hand that absolute crazy equality almost drove her mad at all. The demon was too attractive. She didn’t have enough strength to fight her own feelings. To her horror she got that she didn’t want just to have sex with a man of extra-terrestrial beauty, but she wanted him to love her. She wanted to love.

God appearance in her atheistic thoughts wasn’t planned. Would he forgive her for the lascivious thoughts? For one of deadly sins of humanity? Would he let her look at the fabulous paradise gate with half an eye? Would he vouchsafe her his look even contemptible one? Victoria was going to make a fatal mistake and there would be no one to blame but her, the mistake which she was going to be responsible for before Lord in the highest, disgracefully dropping her eyes.

It was so strange and crazy simultaneously feeling to realize the price of her own actions and all the same, contrary to all rules, she kept on planning to perform deeds qualitative. She had a feeling of inevitability and doom. That was all, she had no strength to correct something, to prepare for murderous feast, where she was going to devour the only one dish – retribution. It was going to be forever.

Victoria’s consciousness was full of desperation. She was scared, her heart was paralyzed with terror while her imagination was drawing pictures of justice, but her soul… Was it honest if contrary to all rules, it rushed to her one-side love that she had made up?

‘Hi, Vasilisa.’ Vic dialled her friend. ‘Aren’t sleeping? What’re you doing?’