The Rules: How to Capture the Heart of Mr Right

The Rules: How to Capture the Heart of Mr Right
Ellen Fein

Sherrie Schneider

Now available as an ebook for the first time, the notorious dating handbook bought by millions of women is women's answer to THE GAME. Refreshingly blunt, astonishingly effective, and at times hilarious, THE RULES will show women who is a keeper and how to get 'a ring on it', if that is what they want.The Rules is infamous for telling women how to play hard-to-get: it has garnered more press attention than any relationship book. Should you really turn down any weekend date if he doesn't ask you before Wednesday? According to the Rules authors, Yes! By following THE RULES, the authors claim that you start treating yourself with respect and dignity – and demanding that men do likewise.Love may be blind, but Rules girls are not stupid! How does he act in the relationship? Is he cheap on dates? Is he critical of you? Remember, the Rules are not about marrying the first man you are attracted to who calls you by Wednesday for Saturday night and buys you flowers. It's about marrying your own personal Mr. Right – a man whom you love and whose character you admire and can live with.

The Rules

TIME-TESTED SECRETS FOR

CAPTURING THE HEART OF MR RIGHT

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

To our wonderful husbands and great kids

Special thanks to Connie Clausen, Anne Hamilton and Myndie Friedman

Contents

Cover (#u51dd06b3-0f53-5e4b-b23a-6dcba489b73e)

Title Page (#uba75bf27-7aa4-558e-8e93-8f1c5a820457)

Last ButNot Least—12 Extra Hints (#litres_trial_promo)

The Rules-at-a-Glance (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

Chapter I (#ua4fc3f1a-c721-5f3d-ac7f-73aa35f284b1)

The History of The Rules (#ua4fc3f1a-c721-5f3d-ac7f-73aa35f284b1)

No one seems to remember exactly how The Rules got started, but we think they began circa 1917 with Melanie’s grandmother who made men wait nervously in her parents’ front room in a small suburb of Michigan. Back then, they called it “playing hard to get.” Whatever you call it, she had more marriage proposals than shoes. Grandma passed on her know-how to Melanie’s mother, who passed it on to Melanie. It had been a family treasure for nearly a century. But when Melanie got married in 1981, she freely offered this old-fashioned advice to her single college friends and co-workers, like us.

At first, Melanie whispered The Rules. After all, modern women aren’t to talk loudly about wanting to get married. We had grown up dreaming about being the president of the company, not the wife of the president. So, we quietly passed The Rules on from friend to friend, somewhat embarrassed because they seemed so, well, ’50s. Still, we had to face it: as much as we loved being powerful in business, for most of us, that just wasn’t enough. Like our mothers and grandmothers before us, we also wanted husbands who would be our best friends. Deep inside, if the truth be told, we really wanted to get married—the romance, the gown, the flowers, the presents, the honeymoon—the whole package. We didn’t want to give up our liberation, but neither did we want to come home to empty apartments. Who said we couldn’t have it all?

If you think The Rules are crazy, don’t worry, so did we. But after much heartache we came to believe that The Rules aren’t immoral or outlandish, just a simple working set of behaviors and reactions that, when followed, invariably serve to make most women irresistible to desirable men. Why not admit it? We needed The Rules! Nineties women simply have not been schooled in the basics—The Rules of finding a husband or at least being very popular with men.

Soon, we got bolder and began to talk louder. These Rules—they worked! Although they were old-fashioned and unflinching, they were extremely effective!

At first, we were uncomfortable with some of the premises which seemed to fly in the face of everything we’d been taught about male-female relations; but—there was no getting around it—success talked. We swallowed some of our preconceived theories, followed The Rules faithfully, and watched as so many of us got married (along with being career women or whatever else we were).

There we were—a secret underground, sharing the magic, passing it on, doing what historically women have done for each other since the world began—networking for success. This time, though, the stakes were larger and the victories sweeter than any corporate deal. We’re talking marriage here—real, lasting marriage, not just loveless mergers—the result of doing The Rules. The simple Rules. The How-to-Find-a-Great-Husband Rules.

For years, we had been sharing them with the women we knew, both at home and at work. For years, women had been calling us to check up on points: “Did you say that you have to end the date first or he does? I forget.”

Then one night, during a Chinese dinner with a few of our single friends, we heard Cindy mention something about these … er, Rules … that she’d heard about from a friend in California. We knew it! There could be no mistake. These were the same Rules one of us had followed in New York to find her wonderful husband. The Rules had crisscrossed the country, bouncing from woman to woman, from suburb to city, until here they came right back to us over egg rolls in Manhattan!

But—and here’s the catch—Cindy got them wrong!

“The Rule says men have to end the date first so that they’re in charge,” said Cindy.

“No, no, no, WRONG. The Rule is you end the date first so that you leave him wanting you more,” we explained.

It was then that we decided to write The Rules down so that there would be no mistakes.

Chapter II (#ua4fc3f1a-c721-5f3d-ac7f-73aa35f284b1)

What Are The Rules? (#ua4fc3f1a-c721-5f3d-ac7f-73aa35f284b1)

How many times have you heard someone say, “She’s nice, she’s pretty, she’s smart … why isn’t she married?” Were they talking about you, perhaps? Ever wonder why women who are not so pretty or smart attract men almost effortlessly?

Frankly, many women we know find it easier to relocate to another state, switch careers, or run a marathon than get the right man to marry them! If this sounds like you, then you need The Rules!

What are The Rules? They are a simple way of acting around men that can help any woman win the heart of the man of her dreams. Sound too good to be true? We were sceptical at first, too. Read on!

The purpose of The Rules is to make Mr. Right obsessed with having you as his by making yourself seem unattainable. In plain language, we’re talking about playing hard to get! Follow The Rules, and he will not just marry you, but feel crazy about you, forever! What we’re promising you is “happily ever after.” A marriage truly made in heaven.

If you follow The Rules, you can rest assured that your husband will treat you like a queen—even when he’s angry with you. Why? Because he spent so much time trying to get you. You have become so precious to him that he doesn’t take you for granted. On the contrary, he thinks of you constantly. He’s your best friend, your Rock of Gibraltar during bad times. He’s hurt if you don’t share your problems with him. He is always there for you—when you start your new job, if you need surgery. He even likes to get involved in mundane things, such as picking out a new bedspread. He always wants to do things together.

When you do The Rules, you don’t have to worry about him chasing other women, even your very attractive neighbor or his bosomy secretary. That’s because when you do The Rules, he somehow thinks you’re the sexiest woman alive! When you do The Rules, you don’t have to worry about being abandoned, neglected, or ignored!

A woman we know who followed The Rules is now married to a wonderful man who doesn’t try to get rid of her to go out with the guys. Instead, he becomes slightly jealous when she does her own thing. They are very good friends, too.

Men are different from women. Women who call men, ask them out, conveniently have two tickets to a show, or offer sex on the first date destroy male ambition and animal drive. Men are born to respond to challenge. Take away challenge and their interest wanes. That, in a nutshell, is the premise of The Rules. Sure, a man might marry you if you don’t do The Rules, but we can’t guarantee that yours will be a good marriage.

This is how it works: if men love challenge, we become challenging! But don’t ask a man if he loves challenge. He may think or even say he doesn’t. He may not even realize how he reacts. Pay attention to what he does, not what he says.

As you read this book, you may think that The Rules are too calculating and wonder, “How hard to get do I have to be? Am I never to cook him dinner or take him to the theatre? What if I just feel like talking to him? Can’t I call? When may I reveal personal things about myself?”

The answer is: Read The Rules. Follow them completely (not à la carte) and you will be happy you did. How many of us know women who never quite trust their husbands and always feel slightly insecure? They may even see therapists to talk about why their husbands don’t pay attention to them. The Rules will save you about £50 an hour in therapy bills.

Of course, it’s easy to do The Rules with men you’re not that interested in. Naturally, you don’t call them, instantly return their calls, or send them love letters. Sometimes your indifference makes them so crazy about you that you end up marrying one of them. That’s because you did The Rules (without even thinking about it) and he proposed!

But settling for less is not what this book is about. The idea is to do The Rules with the man you’re really crazy about. This will require effort, patience, and self-restraint. But isn’t it worth it? Why should you compromise and marry someone who loves you but whom you’re not crazy about? We know many women who face this dilemma. But don’t worry—this book will help you marry only Mr. Right!

Your job now is to treat the man you are really, really crazy about like the man you’re not that interested in—don’t call, be busy sometimes! Do all of this from the beginning—from day one! Do it from the second you meet him—or should we say, the second he meets you! The better you do The Rules from the beginning, the harder he will fall for you.

Keep thinking, “How would I behave if I weren’t that interested in him?” And then behave that way. Would you offer endless encouragement to someone you didn’t really like? Would you stay on the phone with him for hours? Of course not!

Don’t worry that busyness and lack of interest will drive him away. The men you don’t like keep calling after you’ve turned them down, don’t they?

Remember, The Rules are not about getting just any man to adore you and propose; they’re about getting the man of your dreams to marry you! It’s an old-fashioned formula, but it really works!

We understand why modern, career-oriented women have sometimes scoffed at our suggestions. They’ve been MBA-trained to “make things happen” and to take charge of their careers. However, a relationship with a man is different from a job. In a relationship, the man must take charge. He must propose. We are not making this up—biologically, he’s the aggressor.