A Baby Of His Own

Connor could barely speak for the wealth of emotions that had hit him the moment he’d seen the child. It was strange because he’d never imagined he would experience such an intense reaction. He’d expected to feel something akin to what he felt for the children he treated—he wanted to care for them and make then better—but this was so much more. He couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away from her as he crouched down beside her and took stock of every tiny detail.

She had dark hair just like his, he realised in amazement. And huge green eyes, also like his. The rest of her features were exactly like Lucy’s, from the delicately arched brows to the sweet little rosebud mouth. He was suddenly struck by the sheer wonder of what they’d done by creating this tiny human being. Izzy had inherited bits of him and bits of Lucy, and the thought that their love-making had resulted in something so perfect shook him to the very core of his being. And yet, was it really so surprising?

His gaze moved to Lucy and pain gripped him as the memories came rushing back. Making love with Lucy had always been a magical experience. He’d had his share of relationships before they’d met, but what he’d felt for her had been far more profound than anything he had experienced before.

It was the reason why he’d taken the job in Boston, in fact. He had always planned on spending another year in Dalverston but he’d realised that he had been getting too involved with her and had been afraid that his career would suffer because of it. Moving to Boston had been the sensible thing to do, yet all of a sudden he found himself wondering if there were more important things than a career—like people to love and who would love him in return. Surely they mattered far more than a job?

Connor took a deep breath. It was only natural that he should feel unsettled, but he mustn’t allow it to throw him off course. He tickled Izzy’s hand and laughed when she immediately grabbed hold of his fingers. ‘She doesn’t seem worried about having a stranger touching her.’

‘She’s not reached the clingy stage yet,’ Lucy replied coldly, and he sighed. It was obvious from her tone that she was still angry with him.

‘Something to look forward to,’ he said lightly. He didn’t want her to think that it bothered him to be persona non grata in her eyes.

The thought touched an already sensitive nerve and he stood up. He’d spent far too much of his childhood feeling like an outsider to enjoy re-enacting the experience. Lucy started to get up as well and he automatically offered her his hand but she ignored him as she settled the baby onto her hip.

Connor forbore to say anything as he followed her from the room. If there were battles to be fought, he would save his energy until it was needed. However, she didn’t know him very well if she thought that he would back down in the face of her continued hostility.

The same nursery nurse was on duty at the door and he groaned when he remembered the registration card.

‘I’ve forgotten to fill in that card you gave me. Can I let you have it the next time I come?’ he offered, pausing by the reception desk. Lucy didn’t stop to wait for him and he saw the young woman frown as she watched her hurrying away.

‘Yes, if Miss Adams is with you to authorise it,’ she agreed, guardedly. ‘We have a strict rule that either a parent or a guardian must be present whenever anyone’s name is added to the register. It saves any confusion about who can and can’t remove a child from the crèche.’

‘I understand,’ he said grimly because he didn’t like being made to feel as though he was doing something wrong by wanting to see his own daughter.

He left the crèche and followed Lucy across the foyer, finally catching up with her as she was about to leave the building. It was pouring down with rain and he could see the problem she was having, trying to open her umbrella while holding onto Izzy.

‘Here, let me hold her while you do that,’ he offered, reaching out to take the baby from her.

‘I can manage,’ she snapped, moving Izzy out of his reach.

Connor swore under his breath. He was fast reaching the end of his patience. ‘I was only offering to hold her. I wasn’t trying to abduct her, although it might not be such a bad idea. The poor kid will be a nervous wreck if you react like that every time I go near her.’

‘Then maybe you should leave us alone.’ She’d finally managed to open the umbrella and she glared at him as she moved off the step. ‘Izzy and I don’t need your help. We can manage perfectly well on our own.’

‘You really think so?’ He followed her across the car park, his mood not improved by the fact that he was getting soaked. The temperature in Boston had been in the high eighties when he’d left so he’d never thought to pack a raincoat. It was with the rest of his belongings that were waiting to be shipped over to England. ‘You honestly think you can be both a mother and a father to her, do you?’

‘Yes!’ She glared at him as she stopped beside an elderly Ford Fiesta and unlocked the door. ‘So if you came here full of noble intentions about taking care of us, you can forget them, Connor. I don’t want you interfering in Izzy’s life. I’m perfectly capable of looking after her all by myself!’

‘Maybe you are, but what you want isn’t the issue,’ he replied tersely, wondering how they’d reached this point so quickly. Even though he’d been furious with her for cutting him out of his daughter’s life, he’d sworn he would handle the situation calmly and with diplomacy. However, all his good intentions had disappeared when he’d heard her making those less-than-flattering remarks about him earlier in the day.

‘It’s what’s best for Izzy that matters, not your feelings or mine. She’s the important one in all of this, the one who stands to get hurt if you refuse to see sense.’ There was a definite bite in his voice now. It was galling to realise that he’d been upset by what she’d said. He’d always believed that he was inured against other people’s opinions, but Lucy’s opinion of him seemed to matter an awful lot.

‘It’s Izzy I’m thinking about,’ she retorted, bending down to strap the baby into the car seat and obviously forgetting that she still had hold of the umbrella.

Connor sighed when a shower of rainwater cascaded over him. ‘Why don’t you give me that before you do some real damage with it? Even you can’t manage to hold an umbrella and strap a baby into that seat.’

Her brown eyes flashed as he took the umbrella out of her hand but she must have decided it was easier not to argue with him. Connor held the umbrella so that it shielded her from the rain while she strapped Izzy into the seat. He handed it back to her once she’d finished, one dark brow arching when she grudgingly thanked him.

‘See? It wasn’t that difficult to do what I suggested, was it?’

‘Meaning that I should always follow your suggestions? I don’t think so.’

She opened the driver’s door but he put out his hand as she went to get into the car. ‘Why not, if they make sense? Or are you so determined to pay me back for wanting to get to know my own child that you’d do anything to spite me?’

‘I don’t give a damn about you, Connor! I’m not interested in paying you back or being spiteful. The only person I care about is Izzy and I won’t have you breaking her heart!’

‘Breaking her heart?’ he repeated, knowing that he must sound as shocked as he felt. He gripped hold of the door when she tried to wrench it out of his grasp. ‘You’re not going anywhere until you explain what you meant by that. Why on earth would I want to break my own daughter’s heart?’

‘Because it’s what will happen if she gets in the way of your precious career. Oh, you might think that you want to play the doting father at the moment, but what’s going to happen in a few months’ time when you realise that having a child means having a lot of extra responsibilities? Which will come first then, Connor—your career or your daughter?’

‘That’s ridiculous,’ he protested, but she didn’t allow him to finish.

‘No, it’s the truth. Everything you do is geared to one thing and one thing only: your career. You don’t have time for anything else, so do you really think it’s fair to upset Izzy’s life on a whim?’

‘It isn’t a whim! And I have no intention of upsetting her life. I plan on being a proper father to her and nothing you can say will make me change my mind about that.’

He glanced round as a car further along the row started up. There were a lot of staff leaving at the end of their shifts and he realised they couldn’t continue the discussion when they might be overheard. He had no intention of trying to hide the fact that he was Izzy’s father, but they needed to sort this out in private, although any hopes he’d had of reaching an agreement with Lucy were rapidly disappearing.

‘We need to talk about this and we can’t do it here,’ he said bluntly, trying not to think about what had led her to have such a low opinion of him. He’d always prided himself on his honesty and had never made any secret of the fact that he hadn’t been looking for commitment so why was she behaving as though he’d let her down?

He hurried on because he didn’t know how to deal with all these new and strange emotions that kept assailing him. ‘What time does Izzy go to bed?’

‘I don’t have time to talk to you tonight or any other night, for that matter,’ she declared, but he was in no mood to placate her.

‘Then I suggest you make time, because I’m not prepared to wait until you decide that you do feel like talking to me.’ He stared back at her, feeling his heart ache when he saw the fear that flickered in her soft brown eyes.

‘She usually goes to bed at seven. Leave it until after then so you don’t upset her routine.’

‘Let’s make it seven-thirty,’ he said gruffly, feeling like a heel for scaring her. ‘Are you still living in the same place?’

‘No. I moved out of there before Izzy was born.’

She told him her new address then got into the car. Connor didn’t say anything else as she closed the door. Apologising would have put him in a very vulnerable position and she had to believe that he was serious about this or she would do her best to cut him out of Izzy’s life.

It was still pouring down with rain as he walked back across the car park and the weather seemed to mirror his dejection at the way things had gone. He’d handled the situation very badly and he would have to try a lot harder in the future if he wasn’t going to alienate Lucy.

He sighed. Despite what he’d told her, he didn’t want to have to resort to a messy court hearing to gain access to Izzy. He would much prefer it if they could reach an agreement by themselves although if he couldn’t make Lucy see sense, he might not have any option except to apply to the courts.

The thought of the heartache that would cause was very hard to deal with. His spirits had sunk to an all-time low by the time he reached the paediatric unit. He could barely raise a smile when he met Bea Francis in the corridor and saw her surprise at his bedraggled state.

‘I’d forgotten about the joys of a British summer.’

‘So it would appear.’ She grinned at him. ‘So much for Lucy’s theory that you came back because you were missing our glorious weather!’

Connor drummed up a smile but it hurt to know that Lucy preferred to joke about the reason for his return rather than admit the truth. She was determined that no one would find out that he was Izzy’s father and he knew how difficult it was going to be to change her mind. It was a relief when Bea asked him if he’d take a look a Sophie Fisher because it was easier to focus on work than his own problems.

He quickly changed into a clean set of scrubs then made his way to the high-dependency unit. Dee was there and he could tell immediately that she wasn’t happy about the little girl’s condition. He checked the ECG tracing and understood immediately why she was so concerned. Sophie was exhibiting clear signs of ventricular fibrillation—rapid, uncoordinated and ineffective heart contractions. It was a common complication of myocardial infarction and although it could be successfully resolved by the use of drugs in many cases, the drugs weren’t working in this instance.