A Marriage On Paper

‘Strange how paths of opportunity seem to be opening up for both of us at the same time,’ Dex continued lightly, when she didn’t make any reply.

‘Everything happens at once.’ She tried to keep her voice light too, but it was laced with emotion even in her own ears. Dex wasn’t even a little bit in love with her. He couldn’t be, not if he was telling her it was all right if she left. ‘Trouble is, those paths seem to be leading off in different directions.’

He reached up and took hold of her hand. The next moment she was sitting on his knee.

‘That’s better,’ he murmured huskily. ‘So what are you going to do? Are you going to run off to Sydney and leave me? It sounded like a terrific opportunity the way Peter was talking.’

‘I suppose it is.’ Her voice was pensive. They should be discussing the baby, but somehow it seemed even harder to bring up the subject now that she knew he wasn’t averse to her leaving.

‘I suppose if I were to be truthful…not to mention selfish…I’d say I don’t want you to go,’ he murmured softly.

‘You don’t?’ Her heart missed a beat, her eyes widened as they met his. ‘Why?’

‘I’d miss you, that’s why,’ He smiled. ‘Apart from anything else, you’re the best damn secretary a guy could get.’

Her heart seemed to crash somewhere down near her toes. All right, so maybe a few weeks ago she’d have laughed at that. Now she felt as if she’d never laugh again. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

He frowned as he looked into her eyes and saw the mist of tears there. ‘Alicia?’

‘I can’t go. I’m pregnant.’ She whispered the words softly. ‘Seven weeks, to be precise.’

She saw shock clearly etched on his handsome face. It was no wonder he was shocked. It wasn’t as if they had taken risks. She had been using a contraceptive.

‘It’s all right,’ she said quickly. ‘You don’t have to offer to marry me or anything…’

He shook his head, seemed lost for words. The expression of shock had been replaced by a look of guilt.

‘I’ll have to have the baby, of course,’ she continued swiftly. ‘I mean…I couldn’t contemplate the alternative.’

Still he didn’t speak.

The silence between them had never been so tense. And yet she continued to sit on his knee.

She reached out and touched his hair. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said unsteadily.

He closed his eyes. ‘Don’t say that.’

‘Why not? It’s how I feel—’

‘This is as much my responsibility as yours Alicia,’ he said finally, firmly. ‘You should have told me earlier.’

‘Why?’ She looked at him warily.

‘Because we’ve got a lot to sort out.’ His voice was calm. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘I don’t know.’ She shook her head, then met his eyes directly. ‘What do you suggest?’

He frowned, and thought for a moment. The minutes seemed to drag interminably. Alicia suddenly noticed little things, like the tick of the clock on the sideboard, the drip of the tap in the kitchen. Small, inconsequential sounds that normally wouldn’t have bothered her. Yet at this moment they seemed so loud they were almost unbearable.

Dex raked a hand through his hair in frustration. He didn’t know what to say to her. His eyes moved gently over the pallor of her skin, the wide blue eyes. It was best to be totally honest, he supposed. ‘You know I care about you deeply, don’t you?’ He ran a caressing finger down over the side of her face, but she flinched away from him as if his words had been an insult. He dropped his hand. ‘I just don’t know if I want marriage—’

‘It’s all right, Dex.’ She cut across him crisply. ‘I told you I don’t expect you to marry me. I don’t think I want to get married.’

He frowned.

‘The days of people getting married for the sake of a baby are gone, aren’t they?’ Alicia stood up. She couldn’t think straight when she was so close to him. Her mind was telling her to be practical; her body was telling her something much more emotional. ‘We’re looking at the twenty-first century, not the Dark Ages.’

‘Well…yes.’

Was it relief she could hear in his voice, or perplexity? It was hard to tell what he was feeling. The dark features were so schooled and controlled now.

She went through to the kitchen to tighten the tap and stop the drip. It was more an excuse to turn away from him and collect her thoughts for a moment than anything else.

She had thought about the possible ways this conversation might go many times over this last week. Sometimes she had imagined Dex telling her he had fallen in love with her and asking her to marry him. It was a fantasy. She had always known that the reality was going to be painful.

Dex was also glad of a moment’s respite, a chance to gather his thoughts.

Since Peter’s visit to his office this morning, his well-ordered, almost phlegmatic life seemed to have been given a good shake. A few realisations had dawned on him, among them the fact that for some time now he had been deliberately avoiding any deep analysis of his feelings for Alicia. He had been content with the status quo—to remain as it was. He was comfortable around Alicia. He liked and respected her enormously. She was mature for her years, trustworthy, fun, spirited. Perhaps he had been taking her for granted, which wasn’t very admirable of him.

It was only when Peter had said she might be leaving that his mind had been jerked awake and he had been forced to look closely at the situation. He didn’t want her to leave, was appalled at the prospect. Then guilt had stolen in. Alicia was mature for her years, but that didn’t change the fact that she was young, her whole life stretching ahead. He had no right to object to her leaving. Not unless he wanted to make more of a commitment to her. And that was where his dilemma had brooded, and remained too complex to solve.

He cared deeply for Alicia, but as to anything more…he wasn’t sure. Love was something he didn’t want to speculate on. He didn’t know if he was capable of such depth of feeling again. Since Clare he had been so determined not to get too involved, had decided it was better to just play the field and have fun. Dedicate himself to his work. That was when he had decided that if Alicia said she was leaving he’d let her go.

It had been an incredibly hard decision to make, and deep down he had hoped that she wouldn’t really want to go.

Now he found out she was pregnant with his child. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to protect her, be with her. But that spelt commitment, and that was the one thing he had told himself he didn’t want.

Alicia came back to face him. He noticed how straight she stood, how proudly she held her head.

‘Maybe I should just pack things up here, leave Queensland for a while and head for Sydney,’ she said suddenly. ‘I could model for a few months while I still have my figure, and a new start might be what I need. At least jobs will be plentiful in the city—’

‘Don’t be crazy.’ He cut across her, his voice forceful.

‘I’m not crazy.’ She glared at him. ‘I can manage very well on my own, you know.’

Maybe she could. He knew Alicia didn’t lack courage, or determination. His eyes darkened. The thought of her struggling on her own in a big city with his child made a sudden tightness grow in his chest. He pictured the baby going through different stages of development with no influence from a father. Or, worse, Alicia marrying someone else. Someone who would bring his child up. The very thought made him get up from the chair. ‘You are not on your own,’ he said firmly. ‘You’ve got me.’

Her eyebrows lifted ever so slightly at that.

‘We could live together.’

She looked surprised by the suggestion, nearly as surprised as he felt. The idea had flown into his mind from out of nowhere.

She was silent, her heart thumping against her ribs. The idea gave her a moment of pleasure.

‘The baby could take my name; we could put it on the birth certificate,’ Dex said, warming to the theme. The more he thought of it the more it seemed a practical answer.

She frowned. He would be happy for the baby to have his name, but not for her to have it. That hurt. She shook her head. ‘No.’ The word came out more vehemently than she’d intended.