A Marriage On Paper

‘At least think about it.’

‘I don’t have to think about it. I don’t like the idea. For one thing, I don’t want my child to have a different name from mine.’

‘Why?’ He sounded genuinely perplexed. ‘It happens a lot nowadays, and as you said yourself we are in modern times.’

‘A few moments ago you were urging me to follow my dream and go to Sydney. Now you’re telling me you want the baby to have your name. What next? After it’s born are you going to suggest waving goodbye to me and getting a nanny for my baby?’

‘That’s unfair, Alli. I wouldn’t do that. And anyway, I didn’t know you were pregnant a few moments ago.’

‘Do you like the idea of being a father?’ she asked him abruptly.

‘Yes,’ he answered without reservation, and that took him aback. He frowned. ‘Yes…I really do.’ He spoke with a kind of wonder that wasn’t lost on Alicia.

She was pleased by his reaction, yet saddened by it too. If only he had discovered such a depth of feeling for her.

Dex raked a hand through his hair and continued calmly. ‘But I’m not trying to manipulate the situation to get custody of my child—’

‘My child,’ Alicia corrected him quietly. ‘I will have sole custody, care and control.’

‘Hell, Alli, you’re talking as if we’re getting a divorce, and we’re not even married.’

She shrugged. ‘We may as well be honest about things. There’s no point in pretending.’

‘And living together and giving our child my name will be pretending, will it?’ He sounded annoyed now.

‘There’s nothing wrong with living together. But in our case it will be pretending to have feelings that we just don’t have for each other.’

He was grim-faced now.

She waited for a moment, to see if he would argue with her about that, but he didn’t. She swallowed on a sudden lump in her throat. She hoped she wasn’t going to cry. Her pride was dented enough as it was. ‘Well, now that we’ve examined our feelings for each other, and found them totally lacking in substance, perhaps it would be the right time to end our relationship.’ She took refuge behind a bright, flippant tone.

His expression changed to one of incredulity. ‘What kind of suggestion is that, when we’re going to be parents soon?’

‘It’s the kind of suggestion a woman makes when she doesn’t want to end up feeling used.’ Alicia smiled, a crooked, and uncertain smile. ‘Better to finish the intimate side of our relationship while we still respect each other and are good friends.’

‘We have been good friends, haven’t we?’ he reflected gently.

‘The best.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Pity we couldn’t have fallen in love.’

He stared at her as if she had said something deeply profound.

‘Look, I think you had better go,’ she said with quiet dignity. She felt that she needed to be on her own now. Console herself, try and and think positively. ‘I’m tired, and—’

‘Alicia, I don’t want our relationship to end.’

‘Dex, you’re the father of my baby. But as for anything else—’

‘Marry me,’ he said suddenly.

She stared at him, taken aback, wondering if maybe she had misheard.

He went across and took hold of her by the arms, staring down into her face with earnest eyes. ‘I think if I let you walk away from me now, take my child out of my life, it will be something I will always regret.’

‘Dex, you don’t want to get married…we’ve been through this. We’ve decided that nobody gets married for the sake of a baby any more—’

‘I’ve changed my mind.’ He grinned. ‘It’s not solely the prerogative of a woman, you know.’

‘Dex, you’re acting crazy.’

He shook his head. ‘No…I’ve just realised how much I want this baby. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I want to give him or her a solid home-life, security, love.’

‘Very commendable.’ Her voice shook with anger. How dared he talk with such lavish emotion about their baby and yet propose so coldly to her? ‘But I can manage to give my child all the love and security it needs, thank you.’ She didn’t want Dex’s proposal. She’d rather be on her own than stuck in a loveless marriage.

‘Are you turning me down?’ He looked stunned.

If this hadn’t been so serious it would have been amusing, she thought. Dex was so supremely confident that it had probably never occurred to him that any woman could turn down his proposal of marriage.

‘Yes, I’m turning you down.’ She stepped away from him, her head high, her eyes flashing fire. ‘I told you I don’t want to get married.’

‘You weren’t really serious about leaving here… You can’t, not now you’re pregnant. You need me.’

‘No, I don’t,’ she snapped positively. She was in love with him, she wanted him, but she wouldn’t lower herself to accept him on these terms.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t manage on your own.’

‘Dex, we’re talking about the rest of our lives. That’s not something that should be decided on a whim. Now I think you should go.’ She needed to get him out of her apartment fast, while she still had her anger and her pride to hold on to.

He followed her towards the front door. ‘OK,’ he agreed with her solemnly. ‘It’s not something that can be decided rashly.’

‘Exactly, and a loveless marriage would just make all of us unhappy.’

She was aware that he was standing very close behind her. As she started to open the door he stretched across her and closed it again.

‘But love could grow.’ He whispered the words softly, his mouth against her hair, tickling her ear. She could feel the warmth of his body, smell his cologne. ‘It isn’t something that has to happen instantly, with a crash of cymbals and a choir singing Hallelujah.’

Her anger dissolved as quickly as it had erupted. Dex was a realist, a pragmatic businessman. He would think she was the most foolish woman in the world if she were to tell him that her love for him had been instant. From the first moment she had looked into his eyes she had known deep down that this was the man she wanted.

‘And to be honest, Alicia, I don’t think couples who rush into marriage with love shining a blinding light in their eyes are exactly thinking straight either.’ Dex shrugged. ‘When the lamplight dims and the magic starts to wane, the survival of any marriage depends on the couple’s ability to work at things. Suddenly it boils down to little things, like how much you’ve really got in common.’

‘And how much have we got in common?’ Alicia asked him with a wry smile.

‘A lot. Don’t you see, Alicia? We’re good friends; that has to be the most solid foundation of all to build a marriage on.’

‘Next you’ll be making a computer program of it,’ she murmured, a tinge of sarcasm in her voice. ‘I can see it now: ‘PLAN YOUR COMPATIBILITY BY COMPUTER or HOW TO SURVIVE MARRIAGE USING THE PRAGMATIC PC.’

Dex didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he grinned. ‘You know, that might be a good idea—’

‘Dex, I was joking,’ she cut across him impatiently.