Hard to Love

Her eyes travelled down the length of my body, stopping once they reached the no-longer-straining bulge in my jeans. ‘Oh.’

‘Thanks for everything.’ I grabbed my jacket from the chair, and started past her. Her hands darted out and pressed against my chest. ‘You can’t just leave. Dr. Chancellor wanted to um…talk with you, about your, um, lifestyle. And see if we could offer STD testing.’

I laughed. ‘Thanks anyway, but I’m good.’ I barely had time to date, let alone have sex, but when I did I always used a condom. Not to mention that Rick insisted I get tested as an agreement to work for him. All I wanted to do now was get home, check on Lily, and forget this whole night ever happened. ‘Okay. Be safe,’ she said, and stepped out of the way as I fled past her, ready to put the whole experience behind me.

Chapter 2 (#ua4832c62-98fc-50c9-a4cd-5d8f13eac78a)

Alexa

When I woke and fumbled for my cell phone to check the time, I was shocked to discover it was already four in the afternoon. I stretched and flung back my duvet, sighing because despite the late hour, my body was so not ready to leave my heavenly soft pillowtop.

Working the midnight shift was wreaking havoc with my system. Each night I worked the late shift, I woke later and later in the afternoon. At least I had tonight off—it was my twenty-first birthday, and I was going out with friends later. I could only imagine what MacKenzie had planned. That girl, though I considered her my best friend in nursing school, was trouble with a capital T.

I sat down at my vanity and brushed out my hair. The bags under my eyes needed attention too, so I dotted on some eye cream before securing my hair back in a ponytail.

My parents didn’t understand why I worked so hard. Money certainly wasn’t the motivator—my family had more than we’d ever spend in a lifetime—but I wanted something more for myself. Something I was good at and kept me busy. Their only goal for me was to meet a wealthy, well-bred man and become some sort of Stepford Wife, a desire we did not share. A life like that sounded incredibly boring to me. And if my mother’s afternoon combination of happy pills and wine-spritzers were any indication, it was a life spent unfulfilled. No thanks.

Once in the kitchen, I slid a coffee pod into the one-cup maker, the most used appliance in my kitchen since I rarely bothered to cook for one. I couldn’t help but think back to the previous night, or more specifically, about Cade. Well, I was actually thinking of a certain part of his anatomy more than I was anything else, and giggled to myself. I’d seen a lot of strange things working the midnight shift in the emergency room, but that was one of the more memorable.

He was undeniably attractive, and that was even before I saw the python he was packing in his pants. He was tall and ridiculously toned from head to toe, with a rugged face and strong jaw line. His nose had a slight ridge that indicated it had probably been broken at some point, and those rich chocolate eyes of his had been surrounded by thick, dark lashes.

He’d had the strangest effect on me. I’d never been attracted to a patient. Ever. It was my job, and I rarely noticed details about the actual person. That statement sounded harsh, but I saw the people who came in and out of the hospital as clinical objects. I only noticed the details I needed to do my job—like where there best vein line was to start an IV or draw blood, or calculating meds based on weight—standard things like that. But with him, I couldn’t focus on what I needed to. Instead, I noticed how his dark eyes followed my every movement, the thickness of the vein running up the length of his shaft, and the tension in his body at his obvious discomfort. I also noticed the tattoo peeking out from the collar of his T-shirt as if crawling up his neck. I wanted to see the rest of it, even if the mere thought of that made my tummy erupt in nerves. And I knew he could tell how frazzled I was with that annoying amused smirk tugging at his lips.

When the doorbell chimed, I jogged to the intercom panel to buzz in MacKenzie and Tyson. I opened my apartment door and found MacKenzie marching up the stairs, a brown paper sack filled with liquor bottles in one hand and a plastic container in the other. Tyson was carrying a bouquet of pink roses. Tyson was like a brother to me, but I wasn’t sure we were always on the same page.

I’d made Kenzie promise me no big party, just the three of us going out and enjoying a few cocktails, and so far it appeared she’d kept her end of the bargain.

‘Our baby girl’s growing up, Ty!’ MacKenzie squealed and pulled me in for a hug. I patted her back and pulled away for some personal space. I wasn’t the best hugger in the world. Tyson laughed and navigated around us, entering my apartment. He knew better than to try and hug me after I went completely stiff in his arms the one and only time he’d attempted it.

‘Thanks for the roses,’ I called to his back as he made his way into my kitchen to fetch a vase. He’d spent enough time in my apartment to know where everything was. Heck, I think he knew my apartment better than I did. Once I called him to ask how to clean my hair out of the clogged shower drain and he informed me I had a bottle of drain cleaner under the sink in the kitchen. He was good to me, and so was MacKenzie. She often forced me out of my shell, which, however painful at times, was good for me too.

MacKenzie took over the kitchen island, extracting various bottles of alcohol and mixers from her bag. Ty got the glasses and filled them with ice, while I stood and watched.

‘What’s in here?’ I poked at the lid of the shallow plastic pan, expecting it to hold a cake.

‘Jell-O shots,’ MacKenzie answered, smiling. ‘Try one.’

I pulled off the lid and set it aside. The pan was filled with small plastic shot glasses that contained a rainbow of jellied concoctions. They certainly looked inviting. I selected a green one and tipped it up to my mouth, but the gelatinous mass remained firmly planted inside the cup.

MacKenzie laughed and glanced at Tyson. ‘Teach her how, Ty. I forgot we had a Jell-O-shot virgin on our hands.’ She measured two shots of clear liquor and dumped them over a glass full of ice, mixing the drink like it was second nature.

Ty smiled and rounded the island to stand next to me. ‘Stick out your tongue.’

I narrowed my eyes at him.

He chuckled. ‘Just do it.’

I complied and he brought the cup to my mouth, showing me how to swirl my tongue around the edge of it to loosen the Jell-O until it slipped out of the cup and into my mouth.

‘Mmm. Green Apple?’ I asked.

Ty wiped away a smear of Jell-O from my bottom lip and licked it from his finger.

MacKenzie nodded. ‘Yep. And here’s your birthday drink.’

It was pink and bubbly. I took a sip and found it surprisingly refreshing. You could hardly taste the vodka shots I’d seen her dump in. It was grapefruity and delish. ‘Thanks.’

Once we all had drinks, courtesy of MacKenzie, Ty grabbed the pan of Jell-O shots and we made our way into the living room to sit in the center of my cream-colored shaggy rug.

‘We need music.’ MacKenzie opened my laptop and my heart nearly stopped. I leapt from my seat in an effort to stop her from seeing what she was about to see, but I was too late.

‘Holy shit!’

My cheeks flamed as I remembered what I’d last used the computer for—I’d typed in the address for the porn website from the business card when I got home and searched until I found Cade’s pictures.

‘What is it?’ Ty asked, peeking around MacKenzie’s His face scrunched in disgust. ‘Gah!’ He jumped back from the computer like he’d just been stung.

‘You look at porn, Alexa?’ The surprise in MacKenzie’s voice was unmistakable. ‘I’m not judging, not at all, proud is more like it—I’m just surprised. You’ve always seemed sort of innocent.’

I swallowed and grabbed the laptop from her lap, pulling it onto my own. ‘It’s not what you think.’ I opened my music library and started my playlist of indie-rock, then set the computer aside.

MacKenzie laughed, throwing her head back. ‘Sorry, sweetheart, but that’s gonna require an explanation. I mean, you’ve never taken a Jell-O shot, you were raised by the Waltons, your freaking panty-drawer is organized by color and day of the week. Spill it, babe.’

Tyson glanced up from his drink. ‘You’ve got day-of-the-week underwear? Oh, I’ve gotta see this.’ He stood and wandered down the hall into my bedroom. MacKenzie and I jumped to our feet to follow.

‘Ty!’ I called. ‘Get out of there!’

He chuckled and pulled open the top drawer of my hand-carved, pale-pink dresser. ‘Holy shit, you weren’t kidding, Kenz.’ He lifted a pair of white cotton briefs from the top of the pile and held them up to inspect. ‘Sunday,’ he read the backside, chuckling.

I snatched them from his grasp, tossed them back in the drawer and slammed it shut with my hip. ‘Enough. Out.’ I shooed them from my bedroom. Yes, I bought the packaged cotton undies. They were comfy. Sue me.

MacKenzie stood her ground, blocking the door to my bedroom. ‘Only if you tell us the story of you looking at porn. I bet you don’t even own a sex toy do you?’

‘I’ll tell you.’ I navigated my way around her out into the hallway. But I was so not answering the sex-toy question. Even if Ty was like a brother to us, he was still male, and I wasn’t about to admit that I had a vibrator tucked in the back of my underwear drawer. God, I would have been mortified if they’d found that.

Once we were seated on the living room rug again I downed a few more Jell-O shots to ease my nerves and pulled a throw pillow into my lap. MacKenzie sat across from me, looking smug, leaning back against the sofa.

‘Okay. So last night in the ER…’ I grabbed another shot and slurped down the gelatinous mouthful, needing to fortify myself at the memory of Cade’s erection.

‘How big would you say it was?’ MacKenzie asked once I was through my story, leaning forward with eager curiosity.

‘Ah hell, I’m getting another drink,’ Ty announced, standing to head into the kitchen.

After considering—and rejecting a nearby candlestick and finding nothing else adequate in my living room to showcase the full length of Cade’s manhood, Kenzie and I made our way into the kitchen, giggling at my idea to retrieve a cucumber from the refrigerator.

I reached into the crisper drawer and modeled the large vegetable in front of my crotch. ‘This looks about right.’

MacKenzie took my shoulders, turning me from side to side so I could model it at various angles. ‘Damn. That boy is hung.’